[Theo]

... pinging everyone who's posted so far, so I can add the unusual fact that I've done exactly what this woman's done.

I became friends with a young lady from church, and sensed that there might be something "special," that perhaps the Lord was calling us to be partners for life.

After our friendship was pretty solid, I asked her if she was interested in together determining whether or not it was the Lord's will for us to be married. We called that "courting." During our courtship, we were exclusive in the sense that we didn't express any long-term relational interest in others, but we didn't do the things that are common on most dating relationships. We didn't kiss; we didn't even hold hands. It wasn't about me meeting my emotional/romantic desires, or meeting hers, but about discerning whether the Lord was calling us to be husband and wife.

After 4 months of this, getting to know each other more deeply, praying about it, seeking the counsel of people we trust, I asked her to marry me. It was pretty romantic, on the beach. She said, "Yes, of course." And that was the first night we held hands.

Four months later, we were married, and when the pastor said, "You may kiss your bride" ... well, I received "permission" to do so ... and we kissed for the first time.

What I believe this story, and the author's story, is saying is that it is do-able. That single people have alternatives to "dating." That you can get married and have no regrets. I don't feel guilty about a single thing my wife and I did before we got married. Purity. Innocence. It's quite nice.

I'm not demanding that others do this. But I'm letting others know that it is do-able, and that it was a wonderful way to grow closer, to discern God's will, and to start a faithful relationship.

Ted

BTW, I'm not the cliched geeky, holier-than-thou type. I'm a pretty normal guy, a musician in a band (keyboard player), do video editing, and am a front-end software developer (among other things)

(photos of us: http://www.ijot.com/ashleigh)

[Zavien Doombringer]

Does this church look familiar? :) God bless you both, you are on the way!

[ohioWfan]

Excellent! Excellent!

My husband and I have a similar story (though not QUITE as disciplined as you and your wife were!), and we have been ecstatically married for almost 27 years now.

The confidence in knowing that you were the ONLY one for each other, and that you waited for your wedding night to show it, makes marriage oh, so much sweeter!

[AppyPappy]

A date is s terrible way to get to know someone. Both people are nervous and uneasy.

[stuartcr]

If you needed permission, why didn't you ask the person involved?

[theophilusscribe]

Excellent! Well done!

[rwfromkansas]

Awesome.

I am into dating myself and am a conservative Christian.

But I have begun to think about several dating "issues" especially related to me.

1. Due to my shyness, dating is not a good way to get to know someone. I went on a date with a girl earlier this year. It was a disaster because she was shy, too. We then went out and just hung out as friends and had a blast. It was fun. Recently, before college let out for the summer, she and another guy were getting pretty close....they aren't dating or anything, but they were really really close....pretty darn close to dating. I was happy for her and he is a great guy and a friend of mine...one of the most caring guys I know on campus. But, he is very outgoing and able to talk to people; he isn't shy. She needs someone who isn't shy to allow her to open up when it comes to non-friendship relationships. Anyway, my shyness really limits my ability to have anything except friendship.

Therefore, instead of just asking a girl out, it seems perhaps more logical to go at least more along the lines of the courtship approach (not 100% following the "courtship rules", as I would not have a problem with holding hands or SOME kissing.....a little....before asking for marriage if that would be the end of the courtship). But, I do believe that the way dating is set up is destructive. Thus, I should become friends with a girl and be pretty good friends, know her pretty well. Then, if I think there may be something there, ask her to go on a date etc. and see how it proceeds. At least in this situation, there is no heartbreak like in the normal dating relationship and we would still be friends after.

I do see a lot of benefit in courtship, though I am not sure if I am ready to go 100% courtship......but perhaps I should alter my behavior a bit to go more in line with that due to the benefits and how it would help my shyness problem since we would already know eachother well and what to talk about.

[fightinJAG]

A very sweet story, Theo. Thank you. Congratulations to you and Ashleigh and God bless.

[Semaphore Heathcliffe]

congrats on your obedience and faith. My church is chock full of couple who courted and married under similar circumstances. Played in the praise band at wedding last year for a couple who were both virgins, both in their thirties. You could cut the sexual tension in that room with a knife. But it was glorious. Having lived a life far different than the bride and groom, I was struck by the undeniable "rightness" about what I was seeing. Life-changing, to be sure.