He's celibate until marriage, and dates won't tolerate it

Chicago Sun-Times ^ | June 15, 2003 | Mary Mitchell

[7 x 77]

I can't believe how much money couples spend on weddings. It's ridiculous.

Hypothesis: The amount of money couples spend on their rings and children is inversely proportional to how long they have put off marriage and how few children they are willing to welcome into their lives.

[Under the Radar]

Hypothesis: The amount of money couples spend on their rings and children is inversely proportional to how long they have put off marriage and how few children they are willing to welcome into their lives.

I think you are well on your way to a full-blown Theory of Modern Life.

[BlazingArizona]

What if you do marry, and are sexually compatible... later something terrible happens, and one of you loses the ability to have sexual intercourse. Is this reason enough to leave the marriage? Is sex a large part of marriage, or a meaningful part?

Precisely why you need to try out all parts of the marriage experience first (okay, short of actually having children, I suppose). That way, you know how important sex is to you.

[7 x 77]

Hypothesis: The amount of money couples spend on their rings and children is inversely proportional to how long they have put off marriage and how few children they are willing to welcome into their lives.

There are so many examples of this perversion. Here's another one:

• The wealthy suburb where I grew up was filled with Catholic families that had on average something like 6 kids, and the mother stayed at home to lavish her energy and time on the parent's most important possessions.

Today these houses are owned by 2-income families that have limited themselves to 2 or 3 children, and have they have put huge additions on their homes.

[Pan_Yans Wife]

I heard someone say...

When thinking of a wedding, decide on this.

Decide if the happiest moment of your life, your wedding day, did not matter on clothes or location, like you love this person so very much that you would marry them in a rainstorm in a parking lot! And, if that is true, because this is the love of your life, then don't worry about the dress or the flowers... it is the marriage that is important, not all of the stuff.

[Pan_Yans Wife]

I disagree. How heartbroken would you be to learn that the love of your life dumped YOU, because you couldn't perform due to cancer, MS, etc? How very sad. I would think that the love for your spouse would trump any sexual experience, and that you will love them while they suffered through a debilitating disease... and you should be able to ask the same of your spouse. This is a MARRIAGE, that is bound not only in legal terms but by the heart... otherwise why get married?

[freedumb2003]

>>At least not this year. I don't run around picking up guys. In fact the last person I was with was my now ex-husband. That was several years ago. The decay in our society doesn't have a thing to do with adults acting responsibly and with discretion. <<

You are merely talking about degree. The act itself, whether wanton and frequent, or "discrete" and infrequent spring from the same lack of morality.

Stealing a quarter and stealing a million dollars are morally equivilant -- it is transferring something that belongs to someone else to you. The morality behind sexual activity, which adults should understand, is simple: Sex withing marriage only. This makes sense from a socioligical and pratical perspective as well (amazing how morals work that way!).

Relative moralistics (i.e. "I choose wisely") is extremely difficult to defend. True moral precepts are either adhered to or not.

You also ignore the most important arguments about progeny out of wedlock (or is that not a moral issue?) -- the only 100% effective way of ensuring such an unhappy and immoral outcome does not occur is abstience. You also do not address the very real public health issues of STDs. You may be discrete but have your parters? Even testing (which is unromantic and impractical) will not detect AIDS precursors and some STDs.

I am speaking of something called principles here. These are missing in the USA and in your arguments (assuming you are making arguments here and not just whining). This is not an attack -- I am merely pointing out that your activities are part of the milleu from which sprang Bill Clinton and provide cover for Hillary.

They are also not consistent with true conservative values.

[laredo44]

I would guess that it's under 10%, and that neither of you will bet against me.

I understand that in cultures where parents arrange their offspring's marriage the divorce is even lower than that. Now what?

I also know that the divorce rate in my home is zero percent. Maybe everybody should emulate me! 8 ^ )

[milan]

Gee, I wonder if this guy knows that this was God's plan anyways? And look at that; it works!

[BlazingArizona]

No I am talking about couples that have hormone driven relationships and are so busy with sex that they do not notice that they end up in bed most of the time .

Which is precisely the way some couples prefer things...

What if the woman were absolutely prefect, bright attractive , loving, understanding, and attentive BUT was not a great roll? Do you turn that one in?

Exactly why the two of you need to agree on that before making a permanent commitment. Otherwise, you run the risk of becoming another divorce statistic.

[lonestar]

Celibacy is nature's way of saying your genes aren't fit to produce the next generation.

I think alot of reproduction is coming from the shallow end of the gene pool. I don't see how the celibate could do worse.

[Pan_Yans Wife]

The celibate have made an honest decision, and stuck by it with fortitude. The same cannot be said of a portion of the unwed mothers in our country. :(

[Joe Republc]

"....I don't have it, but I'll betcha it's a lot, lot lower than the overal average of 40%-50%, simply because these people, to paraphrase another poster, have learned to think with something besides their genitals. "

I've got two young daughters, and I hate the way our culture has pushed girls more and more to strut their stuff and get it on if they want a man.

It seems like ancient history, but you used to hear feminists protest against society treating women as 'sex objects'. That's gone now. (BTW, Tammy Bruce explains money has to do with that.)

Listen, I have to confess as a young man I *loved* the fact women made themselves look more sexy and available.

But maybe I grown up a bit... well, again, I have two daughters. And I'd like for them to grow up in a world where they can find a man that will love them forever. But to find their man, my girls shouldn't have to feel that they must look prostitutes, or sleep around. Again, where's the feminists on this point?

-- Joe

[TruthNtegrity]

Ping!

[Gabrielle Reilly]

>>>>Posted by Nowhere Man to Gabrielle Reilly
On News/Activism ^ 06/15/2003 5:41 PM CDT #259 of 274 ^

Do you mean you were watching "Ann of GreenGables" from Prince Edward Island or is that another show?

I watched both the Anne movies and the Avonlea TV series. The "Anne of Green Gables" movies were based on the book series of the same names by Lucy Maude Montgomery although I think the third movie did "jump the shark" plus it wasn't part of the books anyhow. The "Avonlea" TV series was based on another book by the same author, I think the book was called "The Story Girl" about a girl who can to live in the town of Avonlea and wrote short stories of what happened there and her experiences. I liked both myself, I would recommend the books and movies for family viewing.>>>>>

Ohhhhh. They were my FAVORITE books when I was a little girl. In fact don't tell anyone but the cartoon "Anne of Green Gables" is on Sunday mornings before church. Never miss it with my waffle. One of the few things I will watch on TV. LOL I have been to Novia Scotia but really want to walk down memory lane on Prince Edward Island.

And your a guy?????? :)

[milan]

Well said!

[Gabrielle Reilly]

>>>>>Decide if the happiest moment of your life, your wedding day, did not matter on clothes or location, like you love this person so very much that you would marry them in a rainstorm in a parking lot! And, if that is true, because this is the love of your life, then don't worry about the dress or the flowers... it is the marriage that is important, not all of the stuff.
>>>>

Thank you for articulating that for me. That is exactly my point. People have accused me of being "unromantic" because I don't think that stuff is important. What is important is two people uniting with the ones they are closest with to celebrate their new life together. The rest is just shear commercialism that strains the marriage from the get go. Financial stress is a large factor in the divorce rate also.

[treadstone71]

Judging from most of the comments on this article, I've come to the conclusion that I am totally screwed (figuratively, of course).

Being 33, male, and a virgin, it seems the only people who don't think there's something wrong with a person like me are either married and/or male, so no help there. Considering the stack of Playboy, Maxim, and other similar magazines over in the corner, and my reaction to them, I'm neither homosexual nor asexual.


I do have to confess, though, at this point my celibacy is not entirely of my choosing. Somewhere along the way, I never learned how to start a relationship which would lead to anything more than friendship. I've known several attractive, intelligent women since high school, and have been considered a "buddy" by all of them. Of course, I've received plenty of advice from those friends and from family, most of which boils down to "Just be yourself, and it will happen when you least expect it." Well, being myself hasn't gotten me anywhere yet, and I don't know how my expectations can be any lower than they are now.

If I have any problem, it may be that I'm just too dense to notice the women that may be interested.

[Servant of the Nine]

So, something was WRONG with the LORD Jesus Christ (who remained celebate until he was -- yep: 33)?

Just where exactly does it say that?
He could have been a widower, or even have just left a nagging wife at home.

So9

[JoeSchem]

But if you are still celibate at 33, there is something wrong.

Statistics show that celibate people have very low (ie, zero) rates of sexual disease, illegitimacy, abortion, child abuse, and rape.

Maybe the thing that's wrong is that you know it's a standard you can't aspire to, so you belittle anyone who can. Feel better now?