He's celibate until marriage, and dates won't tolerate it

Chicago Sun-Times ^ | June 15, 2003 | Mary Mitchell

[BenR2]

But if you are still celibate at 33, there is something wrong.

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So, something was WRONG with the LORD Jesus Christ (who remained celebate until he was -- yep: 33)?

[freedumb2003]

I think it borders on abuse of ones sexual organ. lol

Maybe that's how he stays celibate!

[jlogajan]

So, something was WRONG with the LORD Jesus Christ (who remained celebate until he was -- yep: 33)?

Whoever he was, he removed his genes from the future gene pool.

There's a reason why even "good girls" do it -- because the ones that don't, don't pass on their genes.

[TheSpottedOwl]

I don't think I would tolerate it. I appreciate his commitment to remaining celibate until marriage, however if I had spent six months with this gentleman and there was no ring I'd hit the road. I'm just putting myself in these womens shoes.

[jlogajan]

Why put yourself at risk for STDs and AIDS?

That's silly. There is a difference in risk between sleeping with every crackwhore to come down the pyke, and sleeping with a steady girlfriend who you know well.

If you say you never really know them well enough, well that's true even if you marry them -- he could still get AIDS or STD's from his first sex after marriage.

There is no "risk free" option. There are only matters of degree. He's chosen a silly level.

[hellinahandcart]

So you tell me---is he really committed to celibacy, or is he actually asexual and he just wants someone to cook for him? :D

[CIBvet]

This article shows how much our society's changed just since the 'sexual revolution' began in the '60's, and I admire this young for standing by his convictions.

Today's young people are growing up in a society where EVERYTHING is about sex ... constantly.

Back in the late '80's I became friends with a young man who made the same decision to remain celibate until he married, because that's how he read The Bible.

I am 20 yrs older and a product of the '60's, so at the time I considered him somewhat querky in that regard, but deep down I respected him for the stance. I had this certain feeling God would Bless him for his decision, and I was right.

Today he and his wife are very much in love and have 2 beautiful children. It is such an inspiration and a joy to see how God has richly Blessed their marriage.

I attribute much of that to a young man who had the spiritual insight and strength of character to hold to his convictions, while at the same time, living in a society saturated 24/7 with sexual stimulus.

[hellinahandcart]

I'm just putting myself in these womens shoes.

Thank you.

No passes made, no words of love, no promises for the future, and I'd start to wonder if maybe I'd found that rare man that doesn't want it AT ALL, even after marriage.

[BlazingArizona]

I'm with the women on this one. I think it's rather snotty of Washington to make the a priori assumption that sex before marriage is "using" the other partner. What sort of attitude is that to carry into a serious relationship?

Assuming that your motivation is to find the right wife forever, making sure you are sexually compatible is as important as making sure you agree on children and handling money. Just last week, we celebrated our 25th anniversary. I credit the longevity of our marriage to our spending four years trying out every aspect of marriage before making the commitment - and to both of us trying out a lot of other partners first.

[Maigrey]

NO, it's not. It's what differentiates mammals from men. I know, 'cause my husband waited for me. (He was 35 at the time...)

[TheSpottedOwl]

I've run across a couple of "celibate" guys in my life, not priests but very religious. They both were very tense people. Very tightly wound, edgy and defensive, not at all easy to be around.

Not to mention cranky. Very cranky. Extremely cranky.

[freedumb2003]

>>That's silly. There is a difference in risk between sleeping with every crackwhore to come down the pyke, and sleeping with a steady girlfriend who you know well.<<

Not morally, there isn't. She's just an unpaid prostitute.

[Enterprise]

Yeah, this is a tough one. I won't criticize him for his decision to remain celibate, and there are good reasons for it. However, I do feel a little sympathy for the woman. She dates a man for six months and he doesn't want to give her hope for marriage, and won't get nekkid either. I don't know how long she should wait for either choice. I don't know either, if six months is long enough to wait for a marriage proposal. Given their ages and experience in life, it seems time enough though, and I don't blame her for bailing. I'm not sure after reading the article if he doesn't want sex or is just turned off for life for marriage.

[Pan_Yans Wife]

I know one other couple that waited until marriage... they were both in their early twenties, when they married. But, now they have been married for twenty years, and have three children. They credit their faith, a cornerstone of their thriving marriage and family.

[CIBvet]

I must add: " ...living in a society that is increasingly and progressively saturated, 24/7, with sexual stimulus."

[sinkspur]

No passes made, no words of love, no promises for the future, and I'd start to wonder if maybe I'd found that rare man that doesn't want it AT ALL, even after marriage.

Yep. He also seems to be witholding his emotional involvement with these women. He is, in fact, using them, unless he tells them up front he just needs a buddy to go the ball game with. People date, ordinarily, to find mates.

If he's lonely, he should get a dog.

[avenir]

"I dated a very intelligent woman, an attorney, who was OK with celibacy," Washington said. "But after six months, she wanted me to make a commitment. She felt if she knew we were going to marry then she could abstain. I couldn't make that promise."

Then what was he playing at? He used to manipulate women with sex, now he does it with "virtue".

[Oberon]

Not exactly a ringing endorsement of that lifestyle.

But that only accounts for those you knew were celibate. With most of my acquaintances, the topic never comes up.

[hellinahandcart]

That's my point. Look at what he said about dating:

"I don't expect a woman to have sex with me because I took her out to dinner and spent $100," Washington counters. "That should be normal if I am trying to win her hand and to prove to her I'm the man of her dreams.

So what was he "trying to prove" by dating that woman for six months and then saying he couldn't commit?

If he was trying to prove he could control every aspect of the relationship, he succeeded. But it doesn't look like *she* got much out of it, other than dinners.

And can you imagine to damage to her self-image?--"Even a man who's gone without sex for a decade doesn't want me!"

I repeat, he's not very kind.

[strela]

I believe I will stay the heck out of this one, and just sit back and read replies. With my track record, for me to weigh in on what constitutes a successful marriage would be a bit like expecting Lizzie Borden to write her doctoral thesis on the Fourth Commandment.