Posted on 05/11/2003 7:10:17 AM PDT by Theodore R.
Cussed out
By Ilene Olson Published in the Wyoming Tribune-Eagle
CHEYENNE (WTE) – More than a vocabulary change is needed for people who want to stop cussing, said Jim O’Connor, author of “Cuss Control: The Complete Book on How to Curb Your Cursing.”
“That’s part of it – a better choice of words,” O’Connor said.
But it’s also changing your tone and changing your attitude toward things. Learn to cope, not cuss. Accept the fact that things go wrong.
“Tell people how you feel diplomatically. Rather than labeling the person, label the behavior. Instead of calling somebody an f-ing idiot or an a-hole, say, ‘He doesn’t pay attention to details,’ or ‘He’s not thorough’ or ‘He needs more training.’
“It’s basically about civility and effective communications. Treat each other with respect.”
O’Connor admits it’s not easy to break the cussing habit.
“You don’t become a patient person overnight,” he said.
For those who are trying to improve their language, O’Connor offers the following:
Ten Tips for Taming Your Tongue
1. Recognize that swearing does damage.
2. Start by eliminating casual swearing.
3. Think positively.
4. Practice being patient.
5. Cope, don’t cuss.
6. Stop complaining.
7. Use alternative words.
8. Make your point politely.
9. Think of what you should have said.
10. Work at it.
Two or three generations ago, a young woman might have blushed when she heard someone swear.
Parents may have covered their children’s ears to keep them from hearing language they considered inappropriate.
Children who used “bad words” might have had their mouths washed out with soap.
And expletives were deleted from print and electronic media.
Today, cussing seems to have become part of much of mainstream language in America.
But society’s increasing acceptance of swearing doesn’t mean it is always appropriate, particularly in the work place, said author James O’Connor.
O’Connor, who wrote the book “Cuss Control: The Complete Book on How to Curb Your Cursing,” said, “Most people think swearing is just words, and nobody cares about it anymore. That’s not true – many people do care.
“It’s not a dead issue. A lot of people are offended by it, but they just don’t speak up.”
Jan Worthen of Cheyenne is one of those people.
“I’ve been in a few stores around town where (employees) start swearing, and I have wondered, ‘How do I handle this?’ I don’t think they realize how many people they do offend.”
Worthen said she was at a local fast-food restaurant a few months ago when an employee had done something his supervisor didn’t approve of.
“Instead of taking him aside, they addressed it right then and there,” Worthen said. “They were not using appropriate language. It kind of made you feel uncomfortable and wonder whether you wanted to be there.”
O’Connor said he’s not trying to eliminate all swearing. “Sometimes swearing is funny,” he said.
Some swearing is casual, spoken as part of everyday conversation, he said.
“Casual swearing is just lazy language,” O’Connor said. “It’s easier to think of a swear word.”
But most swearing is done when people are angry, he said.
“We used to talk about emotional control,” he said. “Our parents used to teach us not to have temper tantrums. But now adults feel entitled to let people know when they’re angry.”
A question of rights
O’Connor said society’s tolerance of cussing is the result of a swing away from the restrictiveness of the 1950s.
That was followed by the liberation movements of the ’60s, when speech, dress and behavior became more casual.
“Everything was total personal freedom,” he said. “But it (gradually) became ‘my personal freedom and my rights’ over the rights of the majority.”
In the ’70s, the public learned that transcripts of the Watergate tapes had expletives deleted.
“We came to understand that even the president swears,” O’Connor said.
The increasing inclusion of profanity in everyday language indicates a decline in civility, he said.
“We expect the highest-quality, money-back guarantees, overnight delivery. We’ve made incredible advances, and when (something) doesn’t work, we get upset. We really get upset and swear at our cell phones. We get upset at computers.”
Cussing is particularly inappropriate at work, O’Connor said.
“A lot of managers are losing respect in the workplace,” he said. “Swearing is often accompanied by negativity, frustration, criticizing or complaining about work or about each other. Swearing intensifies that negativity. Most of all, it affects your image.”
Worthen said she knows of an employee who is uncomfortable at work because of liberal use of profanity and coarse language by a supervisor and several other employees. But the offended employee is hesitant to confront the supervisor about the situation.
“Employees often fear if they say something, they might lose their job or be criticized for it,” she said. “(The work environment) should be a place where you conduct yourself with a manner that is business-like.”
Managers set the example
O’Connor said managers should be the example for their employees.
“If management swears, other people feel entitled to swear,” he said.
O’Connor said he thinks many people know people who don’t swear.
“Nobody notices,” he added. “But if they start to think about it, they realize (those people) have much better dispositions. They tend to be easygoing, have good dispositions and are easy to work with.”
O’Connor maintains that people who make a concerted effort to stop swearing often improve their dispositions as well.
“They do start to acquire these traits,” he said.
Darald Dykeman, administrator for the Human Resources Division of the Wyoming Administration and Information Department, said the state has no set policy on profanity in the work place.
“That would be basically set by agency supervisors – what they consider appropriate in the work force,” he said. “Our disciplinary policy is so that we handle it at the lowest level.”
Employees using language considered inappropriate would receive a verbal notice. If the swearing continued, that could progress to a letter of counsel, a letter of warning and eventually suspension without pay.
But, Dykeman added, “In my knowledge, we’ve not had a lot of (employees using inappropriate language).”
As an individual, Dykeman has strong feelings on the subject.
“My personal belief on that it is not acceptable at any time in an office. That’s not, as far as I can see, a moral way to communicate.”
Zero-tolerance policies
Bill Pomeroy, spokesman for Xcel Energy-Cheyenne Light, said that company has no tolerance for profanity.
“We deal with it if it occurs, and we don’t expect it to continue,” he said.
Department managers are responsible for establishing and enforcing positive work place behaviors, he said.
Pomeroy added, “There are only a couple of occasions I’ve been aware of that we’ve had to visit with an employee. I haven’t found it to be a problem.”
Selina Hofflund, human resources manager for Frontier Refining, said that company also discourages cussing in the work place.
“We do not have a policy per se, but we talk about treating people with respect,” she said. “There is an assumption that we don’t use foul language.
“It is not tolerated (and) can be construed as harassment,” she added.
Hofflund said she rarely has to visit with employees about improper language use.
“As the HR manager, I’ve always taught people that perception, whether it is right or wrong, is real to the person who is perceiving it. To avoid (misperceptions), avoid using foul language altogether.
French off. :()
I'm sure if my last name were "Dykeman", I'd be extra sesnitive about cuss words, too.
Oh, crepes!
Like the "big big dee" of HMS Pinafore?
Well, if one is creative one can always act as though the abbreviations meant something else. REMF, e.g., is "Rear Eschelon Mommy's Favorite."
My own opinon that the verb from which "effing" was derived be uttered as if one were uttering a royal proclamation ;-).
Yuck Foo!
With all respect, I think you are about half right. Words do mean things - yes, about that you are absolutely correct, and thank God, our Constitution, and Jim Robinson for forums like this one where we may intelligently discuss such things. However, the decline of Western Civilization owes its origin to the deconstruction of meaning, language, context, and manners, the font of which has been the elite academic world, not the "street" where vulgarity has always been the preferred form of expression.
But consider that even relatively uneducated people may (and frequently do) express noble ideas, even while doing so in the language of the gutter. In fact, I would far rather expose my ears to an honest four-letter-laced criticism of the moral character of, say, Bill Clinton, than to an erudite but dishonest defense of it.
I cannot fully explain myself here without venturing too deeply into the realm of "Vanity", so I'll just note that my frequent experience has been that the Left uses profanity wildly, angrily, and stupidly, while the Right (Bill Buckley, P.J. O'Rourke, and Tom Wolfe, to name a few representatives) use it in context and appropriate to the occasion. Some "bad" words are quite useful, powerful, and evocative - and are unfortunately overused in a world long on expression and short on meaning.
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