I know a single mom like this. This is how she talks to her son: "Oh, honey, would you please do this? Please, honey? Don't be mad at mommy, but mommy really needs you to do this. Please, honey? Is that all right, honey? You're not mad at mommy, are you? Please, please do this, honey! But don't be mad at mommy!" He never does do what she's asking, either. Never. And all he has to do is say, "I hate you!" and she dissolves into tears and begs him to stop saying that.
Every time I witness this, my lips are just about bleeding from biting them, holding back the screams. I don't have kids, so I know it's easy for me to criticize the way others raise their kids. But good God! That just can't be the right way.
It ain't. The little savages need to learn from day one that Daddy and Mommy are In Charge. Always. The way to convey that message varies as the child grows, but convey it parents must. Your exemple of bad mothering conveys exactly the opposite message: that Johnny the Little Barbarian is in charge. He's learnt that lesson well, and practiced its application to perfection.