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Why did the chicken cross the road...(the real answer)
http://www.chickenjoke.com/ ^
Posted on 03/06/2003 4:34:20 PM PST by Moosefart
Why did the chicken cross the road............The chicken crossed the road because...
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To: Moosefart
So he could push for a war on bin Laden Saddam?
21
posted on
03/06/2003 5:33:09 PM PST
by
ex-snook
(American jobs needs balanced trade - WE BUY FROM YOU, YOU BUY FROM US)
To: Moosefart; Eala; WhyisaTexasgirlinPA; xsmommy; RikaStrom
Because he was left over on the right side of the rhode's island, and wanted to get ahead in the game before he put his foot in it and went off half-cocked with his nose to the grindstone as he sharpened his tongue and collected his wits about him leaving on a wing and and prayer with a clean breast.
To: dead
And to think that my weapons inspector thread was moved to 'chat'.
To: Robert A. Cook, PE; dubyaismypresident; Argh; Cagey; SeeRushToldU_So; xsmommy; hobbes1
He? Wouldn't a chicken be a female? And if so, the answer is simple - she went for the cock-a-doodle-do........
To: All
25
posted on
03/06/2003 5:58:02 PM PST
by
Bob J
(Join the FR Network! Educate, Motivate, Activate!)
To: Kay; Blood of Tyrants
I guess I've just had my fill of VANITY posts and speculation.
Let's ROLL!
26
posted on
03/06/2003 7:08:04 PM PST
by
TSgt
(“If I do my full duty, the rest will take care of itself.” - General George S. Patton)
To: Robert A. Cook, PE; xsmommy; Eala; WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
Because he was left over on the right side of the rhode's island, and wanted to get ahead in the game before he put his foot in it and went off half-cocked with his nose to the grindstone as he sharpened his tongue and collected his wits about him leaving on a wing and and prayer with a clean breast.Nonsense.
He crossed the road because the feathered foul you perpetuated flew in the face of logic, and lacked a proper drumstick solo. But then again, had he a drumstick solo, he couldn't have crossed the road, he would have had to lift upon wings of crispy crunchy and mashed any hopes of crossing the road forever, his lonely sojourn not the gravy he anticapated. And should he manage to cross to the dessert lying on the other side of the road, anything else would be pudding.
To: RikaStrom
Why am I suddenly hungry?
To: MikeWUSAF
Waiting is the hardest part. Saddam's troops have been on high alert for weeks and it has got to be wearing them down. Our troops on the OTOH, just train in a new place until they get the word.
29
posted on
03/06/2003 7:42:33 PM PST
by
Blood of Tyrants
(Even if the government took all your earnings, you wouldn’t be, in its eyes, a slave.)
To: WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
HAH!
30
posted on
03/07/2003 2:59:32 AM PST
by
Argh
To: WhyisaTexasgirlinPA; Cagey
My buddies and I ate him and his friends last night at work. We found them all at Bojangles.
Happy B'day Cagey. The chicken told me it was your B'day before we ate him.
31
posted on
03/07/2003 3:17:14 AM PST
by
SeeRushToldU_So
( Something witty, etc, etc....)
To: SeeRushToldU_So; WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
LOL! And, because you ate him in Georgia I suppose he was fried?
One time while driving in a very remote area of North Carolina I noticed a billboard that said "Only 5 miles to DelVechio's Fried Chicken". DelVechio? Now if it were DelVechio's Pizza Parlor in New Jersey, that would make sense................... I guess you had to be there.
32
posted on
03/07/2003 3:40:33 AM PST
by
Cagey
To: SeeRushToldU_So
Oh great....first Rika, now you.......... do you have any idea how impossible it is to find good fried chicken in Philadelphia???????????? lol
I'm so glad y'all ate that freaking chicken....I was tired of dodging "her" as she crossed the road........
To: Cagey
I hear ya...... it would be kind of like seeing
"Wong Lei's Ribs and Catfish"
To: Cagey; WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
LOL! And, because you ate him in Georgia I suppose he was fried? Does chicken come some other way?
Goodnight y'all!
35
posted on
03/07/2003 6:28:13 AM PST
by
SeeRushToldU_So
( Something witty, etc, etc....)
To: SeeRushToldU_So
Hey stranger...... goodnight..... lol......
To: Right Brother
"Arbitrary" was the word I used.
Sure fits, doesn't it?
37
posted on
03/07/2003 6:58:57 AM PST
by
dead
To: Moosefart
Did the chicken cross the road, or did the road move under the chicken?
38
posted on
03/07/2003 7:26:22 AM PST
by
llabhgiH
To: RikaStrom; Robert A. Cook, PE; xsmommy; WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
You asked for it. Eala's semi-comprehensive list...
EMILY DICKENSON
I saw a chicken cross the road
But could not stop to ask
Why she had to hurry so
Or what the urgent task.
SHERLOCK HOLMES
It was not merely that the chicken crossed the road, Watson,
but that the three Russian midgets and the Italian oboe player
did not also cross.
WILLIAM F. BUCKLEY
To stand athwart the roadway yelling 'stop!'
REV. PAT ROBERTSON
She was a victim of the Illuminati One World conspiracy.
ROBERT ANTONE WILSON
Carol Christmas never knew if she had actually
seen a chicken calmly crossing the street in New York's
worst traffic, or if it was another nasty joke by
that malign dwarf, Chaney. But now she was seeing
chickens at every corner, waiting for the light to
change. She saw them most often after coming
out of her class on post-modern literature.
ADOLPH HITLER
She was a victim of the Jewish conspiracy.
WALLACE STEVENS
O thin men of Haddam
Why seek so eagerly the golden bird?
Do you not see the chicken
On the dirt road you walk?
LYNDON LAROUCHE
She was a victim of the English Gnostic Drug Cartel conspiracy.
HILLARY CLINTON
We must stop thinking of the individual chicken and start
thinking about what is best for chicken society.
OMAR KHAYYAM
I sent a hen into the astral plane
To learn our future, and man's luck,
And by and by the bird returned
But all she'd say was "Cluck, cluck, cluck!"
GLORIA STEINEM
She was a victim of the male conspiracy.
BUDD HOPKINS
She was dazed and disoriented after the extra-terrestrials
abducted and genetically altered her.
WILLIAM FAULKNER
Uncle Ike saw her first: just an ordinary chicken, he thought
for a moment, a chicken picking here and pecking there,
gradually working her way across the road toward the lawn; but
then he felt the fingers tighten on his arm and looked up,
astounded, to see him, the Colonel, eyes lit with a new fire,
face aglow like a saint seeing a vision: and then it was destiny,
a thing pre-ordained, a fatality, for the Colonel did not
reveal even to him, Uncle Ike, the secret ingredients,
not the names of the herbs and not even the number of
them (some would say he used as many as twenty, and
others insisted there was butJone magic herb that created
that special flavor) and so the secret of the crust remained,
a hermetic mystery, an arcanum implacable and inpenetrable,
locked in the private places of the Colonel's soul: and yet
the vision was real, a true moment of Fate; for the franchises
sold almost as fast as they could slaughter and gut the
stock, and they spread across the country, across the
civilized world, making the Colonel not just a millionaire
but a billionaire, and Uncle Ike saw it all, knew it all,
from the beginning to the day when the initials KFC were
to be seen in every city, every town, every hamlet large enough
to own two mules and an Assembly of God church:
until now, standing in the franchise in Jefferson,
Yoknapatawpha County, where Flem Snopes, the bank
president, hawked and coughed and spat on the floor,
then hoisted his britches, country style, and said
to the waitress, "Make it extra crispy, please."
WILLIAM S. BURROUGHS
This Department recalls the distasteful incident
of the Chainsaw Subliminals -- World falling -- Photo falling --
Breakthrough in hen yard -- Towers open fire --
Goddam floating whorehouse -- Death is the navigator --
A few may get through to the Gate in Time --
RUSH LIMBAUGH
She was brainwashed by the liberal feminazi media.
CHRISTOPHER SMART
I will consider my hen, Brigit,
For she is a servant of the living God,
Rising in the dawn to praise the Sun in her song,
Retiring at dusk like an honest worker,
Making by Alchemy from simple seeds
The wonder of an egg to feed me at breakfast:
For she fears Death and the Devil
Known to her as Fox and Chickenhawk;
For she is motherly to her chicks;
For she refutes the Atheist and Mechanic
Choosing of her free will to cross the road!
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
Why, let us freely feather our brutish nests
In this barnyard world -- like the hen i' the adage --
Until the Ax of mortality falls on all our necks
And we squawk and make one final futile flutter:
Then blackest night falls on the king and commoner.
JACK KEROUAC
To blow, man, to get groovy and dharma blissed-out
in the henyard of railroad earth.
WILLIAM CARLOS WILLIAMS
it all depends
on one road here
now
and one chicken here
now
in the mud
by the wheelbarrow
WILLIAM BUTLER YEATS
Chickens and roads were not
Nor stars nor moon nor earth
Until man's mind made all,
All, of his bitterness and mirth.
FLANN O'BRIEN
I would prefer that my neighbors and the police
knew nothing about that chicken,
but it would be even better if they knew several
things that were quite wrong.
QUENTIN TARANTINO
Actually, we'll probably change that on rewrite.
F. LEE BAILEY
To find a place to plant the other glove.
TOMAS DE TORQUEMADA
Give me ten minutes with that chicken and we'll find out.
SIR ISAAC NEWTON
A chicken at rest remains at rest; a chicken
in motion remains in motion.
STAN LAUREL
I'm sorry, Ollie. I left the hen-house door open.
PLATO
The ideal chicken must ideally cross the ideal road.
Therefore, imperfect chickens in this world
cross imperfect roads, imperfectly.
KARL MARX
She was driven by the lash of economic necessity.
ARISTOTLE
It is the essence of chickens to cross the road.
LAO TSE
Those who cluck do not know.
Those who know do not cluck.
CAPT. JEAN LUC PICARD
To see what's out there.
COL. OLIVER NORTH
It was a national security matter.
BASIL FAWLTY
Oh, never mind that chicken. She's from Barcelona.
SIR EDMUND HILARY
Because it's there.
THE KINGSTON TRIO
The lions still roam the barranca
And a hen there is always alone.
SIGMUND FREUD
The telephone pole suggested a phallic symbol
and like all female creatures she wanted to be dominated.
JACQUES DERRIDA
The question admits of limitless answers, since
there is no one logocentric strategy of discourse that takes
primacy over all others.
OSCAR WILDE
This chicken problem has many depths,
but all of them are equally shallow.
DOUGLAS ADAMS
Forty-two.
ALESTER CROWLEY
It was her True Will to cross just that road on just that day.
VITO CORLEONE
We made her an offer she couldn't refuse.
SAPPHO
To kiss your skin, to lie with you in moonlight...
JEAN PAUL SARTE
To impose a meaning upon her accidental existence.
T. S. ELIOT
To leave the place she knew for another place
And to stay there for a while
And then to move onward to a third place.
BUDDHA
To ask this question denies your own chicken nature.
ALBERT EINSTEIN
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road
crossed the chicken depends upon the inertial
system of the observer.
CHARLES DARWIN
It was the next step after coming down from the trees.
THOMAS JEFFERSON
All hens are endowed by Nature and Nature's God
with the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of the other
side.
CONFUCIUS
When the emperor performs the rites with full reverence,
and the court officers behave as true scholars and gentlemen,
a hen may cross any road in the kingdom safely.
H.P. LOVECRAFT
To escape the crawling horror lurking on this side of the road,
a nameless and foetid monstrosity that cannot be conceived save
in the dreams of madness
FRIEDERICH NIETZSCHE
There was no chicken, no road, no crossing.
There was only -- an interpretation.
DARTH VADER
She was seduced by the dark side of the road.
RAYMOND CHANDLER
She had beady inhuman eyes like strange black jewels
and the kind of feathers a bird of paradise
might envy. I knew that if they made her a free-range chicken
she'd grab the first opportunity and never look back.
JAMES JOYCE
Mrs. Hahn, Cock's wife, flapflopped from an ova
eggspressed (one l'ouvre, end sot)
and charged that lewd brigade
into any tennis sun in this faunanimal whirled.
BART SIMPSON
I will not use a chicken as a frisbee.
I will not use a chicken as a frisbee.
I will not use a chicken as a frisbee.
I will not use...
WEEKLY WORLD NEWS
Nostradamus predicted chicken/Bigfoot horror!
WILLIAM BLAKE
Chycken, chycken, burning bright,
In the henhouse of the night.
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?
NEWT GINGRICH
The chicken choose to exercize individual initiative
and not wait for a government-funded street-light program.
HILLARY CLINTON
It takes a village to raise a chicken.
HANNIBAL LECTER, M.D.
I ate her liver. With fava beans.
And a brandied cranberry sauce.
AL GORE
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken
crossing the road represented the application of these two different
functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring
greater services to the American people.
RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been
polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not
reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because
it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it
was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet
someone out there is already forming a support group to help
chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this?
How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing
the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars,
I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to
build roads for chickens to cross.
MARTHA STEWART
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.
JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see
the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the
"other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my
friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will
become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this
abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless
phrases like "the other side."
DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone
told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for
us.
BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it had
a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream
of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
>
>SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified
in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas down the throat of the imperialist
infidel.
VOLTAIRE
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the
death its right to do it.
CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the
road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads,
but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
checkbook ... and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of
eChicken.
ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath
the chicken?
BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by
chicken? Could you define chicken please?
THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,
"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road,
and there was much rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?
39
posted on
03/07/2003 8:15:15 AM PST
by
Eala
To: Eala
After reading that long post, I'd like to beat you upside your head with a chicken!
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