1. How many gears in a French tank? Six, five reverse and one forward in case they are attacked from behind.
2. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? The French Army.
3. How do you stop a French tank? Shoot the guy pushing.
4. How did the French advertise surplus World War II rifles? “Never fired, only dropped once.”
5. Why might the French send troops to the Gulf? To teach the Iraqis how to surrender.
6. Why do Frenchmen have mustaches? To look like their mothers.
7. Why does the new French Navy use glass-bottomed boats? So they can see the old French Navy.
An excerpt from the brilliant new book
Nine Hallmarks of Highly Incompetent Losers, which I co-wrote, so everybody buy a copy (shameless plug):
France spent 14 years and billions of francs to construct the only French aircraft carrier, the Charles de Gaulle, which upon its launch turned out to be truly French, in that it was apparently held together by spit. The flight deck was too short, the crew couldn't see through the armored glass, the washing machines made the whole ship vibrate, a propeller broke off during its maiden voyage, and a mysterious fire at the factory destroyed all records about the making of the propeller. France was forced to revert to Defense Plan B: “Call America.”