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Laid-Off Zoologist Goes On Tranquilizing Rampage
The Onion ^
| Feb 11. 2003
| Unknown
Posted on 02/11/2003 8:49:35 PM PST by Megalomaniac
Laid-Off Zoologist Goes On Tranquilizing Rampage SAN DIEGO—Twelve San Diego Zoo visitors and two employees were brutally sedated Monday, when laid-off zoologist Dr. Brian Vermeer, 41, returned to his former place of work armed with a tranquilizer gun and began firing into a crowd. "It was kind of horrible," said Maria Christopher, 44, who witnessed the tranquilizing spree. "People were gently falling asleep over the course of 20 to 30 seconds everywhere." The spree ended when Vermeer turned his gun on himself, knocking himself out for half an hour.
TOPICS: News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: comfortablynumb
LMAO..Too funny
To: null and void
PING
To: Terriergal
Ping for an Onion laugh!
To: Megalomaniac
This would have never happened if we had a 3-day waiting period imposed on all tranquilzer gun sales. It is far too easy for just anybody to acquire these horrible weapons. We must make sure that all tranquilizer gun sales are preceded by meticulous background checks. If only one person is saved from losing a half hour of his or her life, it is worth it!
4
posted on
02/11/2003 8:58:37 PM PST
by
nhoward14
(Arnold Schwarzenegger returns in Terminator 4: Reign of the Republicans)
To: Megalomaniac
"It was kind of horrible"Perfect.
5
posted on
02/11/2003 9:00:41 PM PST
by
Romulus
To: Romulus
Crap! I was going for it until my tears began to water...
6
posted on
02/11/2003 9:08:13 PM PST
by
thegreatbeast
(Quid lucrum istic mihi est?)
To: nhoward14
FROM MY SLEEPING DEAD HANDS!!!
To: Vic3O3
Nicky PING.....
Ah, good old Marlin Perkins, I wonder if he ever shot Jim...
8
posted on
02/11/2003 9:12:54 PM PST
by
cavtrooper21
(Shoot 'em if they stand, cut 'em if they run!)
To: cavtrooper21
Ya gotta love the Onion...
9
posted on
02/12/2003 10:14:25 AM PST
by
Vic3O3
(-47 below keeps the riffraff out!)
To: Vic3O3
You guys are sick. This is one of the reasons why I'm going into FR less and less. The people in here are disguisting. Yes, this means ALL of you!
To: Office Manager
And we're so glad you violated your hiatus long enough to tell us you don't know the Onion writes SPOOF.
11
posted on
02/12/2003 10:24:44 AM PST
by
discostu
(This tag intentionally left blank)
To: Office Manager; dd5339; cavtrooper21
Huh? Either you're joking & forgot the sarcasm tag, or you're missing the fact that the Onion is a joke-story source...
12
posted on
02/12/2003 10:25:22 AM PST
by
Vic3O3
(-47 below keeps the riffraff out!)
To: Office Manager; Vic3O3; cavtrooper21
Are you brain dead or just wandering around spouting random hate filled diatribe!
Oh I know, you hate Onion's! What onions ever did to you we may never know, (we really don't want to know so don't tell us).
Please visit the fine folks here at Free Repulic even less, (like maybe not at all!) Might I encourage you to go mingle with your mental equivalents over on DU.
Have a really good day!
Semper Fi
13
posted on
02/12/2003 11:00:56 AM PST
by
dd5339
(Home schooling is education, not indoctrination!)
To: Office Manager
Somebody needs a hug. It's a joke, son...
To: Office Manager
Dude, chill out.....
And yes, I am sick, but I try to take my meds on time reallll y II ;sdfneiufyasibz0930 RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
15
posted on
02/12/2003 2:40:12 PM PST
by
cavtrooper21
(Shoot 'em if they stand, cut 'em if they run!)
To: Megalomaniac
I guess he wanted the 'feeling' of supreme vengeance without the permanent damage! What a weirdo.
16
posted on
02/13/2003 10:58:43 AM PST
by
Terriergal
(While people are saying,'Peace and safety,' destruction will come on them suddenly 1Thess5:3)
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