Hey baby!
I'm too sexy for my shirt.
Posted on 02/03/2003 6:13:20 PM PST by softengine
A recent story floating around the variety section of a newspaper I still read occasionally reminded me of a conversation I had with a college girlfriend about six months ago. She's a pretty woman – slender, petite, well-educated and intelligent. She has an excellent, high-paying job and even owns her own house.
She is, in short, the epitome of feminist success. And yet, she is profoundly disappointed with her life. She has, in her own words, continued to stumble upwards while somehow missing out on the only thing she truly wanted – a husband and a family.
Nor is she alone, in anecdotal or statistical terms. Not only do the majority of women who were in our college social circle remain unmarried, but according Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, author of "Why There Are No Good Men Left: The Romantic Plight of the New Single Woman," a 30-something woman is three times more likely to be unmarried than her 1970's counterpart. While some might argue that this is a good thing, most demographics experts would disagree, as would, it appears, an awful lot of those 30-something single women.
While Whitehead correctly identifies the general problem, she is as clueless as the next feminist as to how to go about solving it. Instead of recommending that individuals change the one thing within their power – namely, their behavior – she advocates altering the entire system of courtship. Given this typically fascistic feminist approach, I am, of course, shocked that her six 30-something daughters and nieces all remain available.
But, as I told my friend, the root of the problem is that the kind of man she wants is precisely the man who is smart enough to stay away from her. Smart, educated women aren't willing to date down on the social scale, so the higher they rise, the more they cut down on their available pool of men. Furthermore, the smarter a man is, the more he is likely to realize that being romantically involved with an intelligent, educated, upper-middle-class American woman steeped in 20 years of feminist indoctrination is about as desirable as being flayed alive and rolled in salt.
Consider the premarital professions of the women in my social circle, all of whom are now stay-at-home moms happily married to intelligent, successful men: Farmgirl. Nanny. Teacher. Office manager. Nanny. Pipeline worker. Professional student. Church volunteer. That's eight quality men who won't be marrying a high-powered career girl right there.
The advice I gave my friend was succinct: In any given dating situation, think about what your instincts are telling you – then do the opposite. It's like football … if the run is getting stuffed, then throw the darn ball.
So, in the unlikely event there happens to be a 30-something single woman reading this, here are a few pointers which might be helpful while you wait for Ms. Dafoe Whitehead and company to change the dating culture:
1. Your rights are delineated in the Constitution. Everything else is a privilege.
2. Your family has to put up with you. For everyone else, it's optional.
3. Southern belles always get what they want. Watch and learn, grasshopper.
4. Sex as an incentive is fair enough. Using its deprivation as a punishment will backfire hideously.
5. Mocking your man in public creates a no-win situation. He can either slice and dice you verbally, which is no fun for you, or keep his mouth shut and look like an idiot. In the case of the latter, it doesn't mean that you've won, or that he's forgotten.
6. Men love happy women. Act happy and you may discover how to be happy.
7. If there's a doubt, choose the most optimistic interpretation. That's what he meant.
8. Honey, honey, honey – a thousand times honey. Never vinegar.
9. Conflict is not passion. It isn't any fun, either.
10. Limit yourself to five complaints and demands a day. If you're not counting, you're over the limit.
11. If no one ever taught you the traditional arts, find an older woman to be your mentor.
12. Your feelings and objectively verifiable facts may be different. Learn to distinguish between them.
Now, I'm not saying that applying these principles to your dating scene will turn frogs into princes or anything, but they will get you in the game. And if all else fails, just tell your next first date that you're thinking of quitting your job and returning to your former career as an aerobics instructor. He'll be intrigued, trust me.
A few whiners that would be whining regardless of their degrees or marriage. They have a few anecdotes and think that makes a trend. My experience is close to yours and Lorianne's. Except that I do know some professionals in their 30's that are single but they are that way and like it. I also know a few professionals that married for the 1st time in the 30's and started their families. But I don't know any female that is not married and complaining about not being married. Not one.
I agree (though I've only known males in this category).
Of course they always blame other things.
Or other people. Easier to do that than consider the hard reality and maybe having to make some changes. I think a few are happy to remain single but like to complain. Or are gay and don't want to explain that. I've known that type, too.
In the context of the original posting, it was clear that the daughter in question was not yet an adult. I'm the father of three daughters (none adult yet). I'm going to be voicing my opinions to them on a number of subjects. It's one of the rights of fatherhood. They can listen or not.
It doesn't matter if they're sons or daughters, child or adult -- parents tell their kids their opinions, and always have. I'm in my late 40s and my mother still tells me what I should do
Like riding motorcycles?
Alright that does it, single FOREVER...
Mad Max the unensnarible
Some people are like that... good at dishing it out and not at taking it. Demonstrates a lack of good character and probably best if they don't get married.
Hey baby!
I'm too sexy for my shirt.
Everything before 40 is just practice:) Trust me:):)
I believe that there are aspects of america's culture and education system that are inculcating the vast majority of educated women in this country in ways that negatively affect their desirability as wives. I'm not sure the extent to which those negative aspects of our education and culture which apply to boys specifically affect their desirability as husbands.
But, the crucial thing is this: our choices are not always between what we have and something better...they are often between what we have and something worse. I think that foreign women (latin american and asian in particular) generally make better wives due to the fact that they don't have the ideological baggage.
But is there a culture out there that is producing young men that will generally make better husbands? I'm not so sure. If you know of one, please pass it along, and I'll absolutely consider suggesting it to her when the time comes.
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