Posted on 02/03/2003 6:13:20 PM PST by softengine
A recent story floating around the variety section of a newspaper I still read occasionally reminded me of a conversation I had with a college girlfriend about six months ago. She's a pretty woman – slender, petite, well-educated and intelligent. She has an excellent, high-paying job and even owns her own house.
She is, in short, the epitome of feminist success. And yet, she is profoundly disappointed with her life. She has, in her own words, continued to stumble upwards while somehow missing out on the only thing she truly wanted – a husband and a family.
Nor is she alone, in anecdotal or statistical terms. Not only do the majority of women who were in our college social circle remain unmarried, but according Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, author of "Why There Are No Good Men Left: The Romantic Plight of the New Single Woman," a 30-something woman is three times more likely to be unmarried than her 1970's counterpart. While some might argue that this is a good thing, most demographics experts would disagree, as would, it appears, an awful lot of those 30-something single women.
While Whitehead correctly identifies the general problem, she is as clueless as the next feminist as to how to go about solving it. Instead of recommending that individuals change the one thing within their power – namely, their behavior – she advocates altering the entire system of courtship. Given this typically fascistic feminist approach, I am, of course, shocked that her six 30-something daughters and nieces all remain available.
But, as I told my friend, the root of the problem is that the kind of man she wants is precisely the man who is smart enough to stay away from her. Smart, educated women aren't willing to date down on the social scale, so the higher they rise, the more they cut down on their available pool of men. Furthermore, the smarter a man is, the more he is likely to realize that being romantically involved with an intelligent, educated, upper-middle-class American woman steeped in 20 years of feminist indoctrination is about as desirable as being flayed alive and rolled in salt.
Consider the premarital professions of the women in my social circle, all of whom are now stay-at-home moms happily married to intelligent, successful men: Farmgirl. Nanny. Teacher. Office manager. Nanny. Pipeline worker. Professional student. Church volunteer. That's eight quality men who won't be marrying a high-powered career girl right there.
The advice I gave my friend was succinct: In any given dating situation, think about what your instincts are telling you – then do the opposite. It's like football … if the run is getting stuffed, then throw the darn ball.
So, in the unlikely event there happens to be a 30-something single woman reading this, here are a few pointers which might be helpful while you wait for Ms. Dafoe Whitehead and company to change the dating culture:
1. Your rights are delineated in the Constitution. Everything else is a privilege.
2. Your family has to put up with you. For everyone else, it's optional.
3. Southern belles always get what they want. Watch and learn, grasshopper.
4. Sex as an incentive is fair enough. Using its deprivation as a punishment will backfire hideously.
5. Mocking your man in public creates a no-win situation. He can either slice and dice you verbally, which is no fun for you, or keep his mouth shut and look like an idiot. In the case of the latter, it doesn't mean that you've won, or that he's forgotten.
6. Men love happy women. Act happy and you may discover how to be happy.
7. If there's a doubt, choose the most optimistic interpretation. That's what he meant.
8. Honey, honey, honey – a thousand times honey. Never vinegar.
9. Conflict is not passion. It isn't any fun, either.
10. Limit yourself to five complaints and demands a day. If you're not counting, you're over the limit.
11. If no one ever taught you the traditional arts, find an older woman to be your mentor.
12. Your feelings and objectively verifiable facts may be different. Learn to distinguish between them.
Now, I'm not saying that applying these principles to your dating scene will turn frogs into princes or anything, but they will get you in the game. And if all else fails, just tell your next first date that you're thinking of quitting your job and returning to your former career as an aerobics instructor. He'll be intrigued, trust me.
Lucky woman. Lucky man.
Like riding motorcycles?
This all kinda reminds me of the blame game.
I'm always right and I'm perfect but the (fill in the blank) has ruined my chances of ever being happy.
Maybe Mrs. Cleaver had it right after all.
Red
Huh? Let me get this straight... are you saying we shouldn't send women to school because their fragile minds will be brainwashed by the liberal propagandists but it's ok for the guys because they are too strong to be brainwashed by the same liberal academia?
sheeesh....
One with good manners.
She's trying to tell you she's not interested in marrying. Honestly, I think a lot of women use the "there aren't any good men left" line because it's easier than trying to explain "because I like being single." Sort of like trying to explain to your folks that you don't have kids "because I don't want any." It's easier to say "just haven't gotten lucky yet." Saves a lot of arguing.
Likewise, women have learned that they can provide for themselves and children and marriage isn't required. They grow up seeing this happen. I suspect that has more to do with women being single than does a liberal education.
Ruler of household not ruler of wife.
For the best blueprint on what it means to be a husband or wife just consult you New Testement Bibles. Even if you are not a believer or a very religious person it is still where you will find the best advice.
Then maybe she is wise enough to realize she's better off single and it would be wrong to disrupt someone elses life?
Well-said... And I couldn't agree more...
I would submit that the rise of feminism, on the whole, has hurt women more than it has helped... On the surface, it has forced open many doors that were once closed.
But the price for such advances, I would posit, have made for an overall decline in the family...
BTW, I'm not a psychologist or anthropologist or philosopher... Just commenting on what I see...
Be well...
Not sure what you mean by this; the article appears to be entirely ABOUT 30-something women with successful careers, financial stability, education, better than decent looks, and no guy to snuggle (or other) with on a cold night.
I'm not steeped in feminism. I listen to it with disdain, hearing it daily as I do from my much younger coworkers. But they have dates come Friday. They may screw up those dates with their none too subtle Gandylike views, but they do have dates.
They have dates (or, more likely considering their age, mere f*** buddies). Do they have marriages? Happiness?
So the good guys end up choosing those with aspirations to Nannydom and Tupperware parties. Could it be that they ARE afraid of those with more than two brain cells to rub together? And yes, I am donning the Nanny flame suit as I write this? (I actually like Nannies. I've found them very convenient, hard working, dependable.....)
No, we're not. Mr. Day buried his lead; the most important line in the entire article is this one:
Smart, educated women aren't willing to date down on the social scale, so the higher they rise, the more they cut down on their available pool of men.He is absolutely spot-on correct here. Most such women are alone because they arrogantly REFUSE to even consider 99% of the single men that are right in front of them. We're a little overweight. We don't make as much as she does. We don't live in the right neighborhood. In short, we're not PERFECT, so they snub their noses at us and will still be wondering why they're alone at age 50. They are WOMEN! They deserve absolute beauty, a guy whose name will get their wedding listed in The New York Times!
Or, to boil it down to the bare essence: They're bigots.
But Mr. Day is nuts if he thinks we all want brainless Stepford women who do nothing but host Tupperware parties. We just want decency, acceptance, and - duh - love. Too many of today's women simply aren't willing to give the acceptance and love (much less decent treatment) to males that aren't physical (and financial) Adonises.
Actually, if you read the article I linked to, her reason is because of his abuse (physical and other) and his forcing her to have an abortion. Not that those are reasons to sever his penis (him being "ruler of the house" and all), but that is what's stated in the report. She was declared not guilty by reason of temporary insanity and held in custody as a mental patient for a month, then released to receive ongoing outpatient treatment. He went on to become a porn star.
Does anyone remember how long OJ was in jail for slicing up Nicole?
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