Posted on 02/03/2003 6:13:20 PM PST by softengine
A recent story floating around the variety section of a newspaper I still read occasionally reminded me of a conversation I had with a college girlfriend about six months ago. She's a pretty woman – slender, petite, well-educated and intelligent. She has an excellent, high-paying job and even owns her own house.
She is, in short, the epitome of feminist success. And yet, she is profoundly disappointed with her life. She has, in her own words, continued to stumble upwards while somehow missing out on the only thing she truly wanted – a husband and a family.
Nor is she alone, in anecdotal or statistical terms. Not only do the majority of women who were in our college social circle remain unmarried, but according Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, author of "Why There Are No Good Men Left: The Romantic Plight of the New Single Woman," a 30-something woman is three times more likely to be unmarried than her 1970's counterpart. While some might argue that this is a good thing, most demographics experts would disagree, as would, it appears, an awful lot of those 30-something single women.
While Whitehead correctly identifies the general problem, she is as clueless as the next feminist as to how to go about solving it. Instead of recommending that individuals change the one thing within their power – namely, their behavior – she advocates altering the entire system of courtship. Given this typically fascistic feminist approach, I am, of course, shocked that her six 30-something daughters and nieces all remain available.
But, as I told my friend, the root of the problem is that the kind of man she wants is precisely the man who is smart enough to stay away from her. Smart, educated women aren't willing to date down on the social scale, so the higher they rise, the more they cut down on their available pool of men. Furthermore, the smarter a man is, the more he is likely to realize that being romantically involved with an intelligent, educated, upper-middle-class American woman steeped in 20 years of feminist indoctrination is about as desirable as being flayed alive and rolled in salt.
Consider the premarital professions of the women in my social circle, all of whom are now stay-at-home moms happily married to intelligent, successful men: Farmgirl. Nanny. Teacher. Office manager. Nanny. Pipeline worker. Professional student. Church volunteer. That's eight quality men who won't be marrying a high-powered career girl right there.
The advice I gave my friend was succinct: In any given dating situation, think about what your instincts are telling you – then do the opposite. It's like football … if the run is getting stuffed, then throw the darn ball.
So, in the unlikely event there happens to be a 30-something single woman reading this, here are a few pointers which might be helpful while you wait for Ms. Dafoe Whitehead and company to change the dating culture:
1. Your rights are delineated in the Constitution. Everything else is a privilege.
2. Your family has to put up with you. For everyone else, it's optional.
3. Southern belles always get what they want. Watch and learn, grasshopper.
4. Sex as an incentive is fair enough. Using its deprivation as a punishment will backfire hideously.
5. Mocking your man in public creates a no-win situation. He can either slice and dice you verbally, which is no fun for you, or keep his mouth shut and look like an idiot. In the case of the latter, it doesn't mean that you've won, or that he's forgotten.
6. Men love happy women. Act happy and you may discover how to be happy.
7. If there's a doubt, choose the most optimistic interpretation. That's what he meant.
8. Honey, honey, honey – a thousand times honey. Never vinegar.
9. Conflict is not passion. It isn't any fun, either.
10. Limit yourself to five complaints and demands a day. If you're not counting, you're over the limit.
11. If no one ever taught you the traditional arts, find an older woman to be your mentor.
12. Your feelings and objectively verifiable facts may be different. Learn to distinguish between them.
Now, I'm not saying that applying these principles to your dating scene will turn frogs into princes or anything, but they will get you in the game. And if all else fails, just tell your next first date that you're thinking of quitting your job and returning to your former career as an aerobics instructor. He'll be intrigued, trust me.
Look out for attacking swans...
Not likely. Being logical puts them outside the boundaries of their agenda. At least the single unhappy folks (men as well as women) won't drag a bunch of other people into their whining miserable lives :-)
This idea that love is a great flaring, all-consuming passion... perhaps it's true for some, but nobody I know. And nobody I've ever heard of. It's quieter than that.
The love of a married couple for one another, when they truly, deeply love each other, is like water to a fish. It's not a thing unto itself like a piece of art, but a flavor that tinges the whole world you live in. It's knowing, without asking, that your spouse is loyal to you... just as it's knowing, without asking, that you'll be loyal to your spouse. It completely changes the world you live in. For those who have experienced it, the biblical expression of the husband and wife becoming "one flesh" becomes much more than a locker-room joke, but a frank expression of how they live their life.
LOLOLOLOL!
I still remember the first game I was at in 91. I went with most of the family(7 of us). We were down to the Vikings three scores with 3 minutes left. We all left to beat the traffic. There was no complaints. We left the stadium and the crowd erupted in the parking lot. OK. One score. Big deal, they can't pull it off. Well, they did. LOL.
Since you asked, allow me to answer.
Yes. Without a doubt.
To quote Saint Augustine, "Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."
I've always felt that love and being in love is giving all of yourself and still retaining a sense of who you are. Love is all-consuming and something done with the entire body, mind, heart and soul-
In this you are correct. That is true love. We all long for it. We all seek it. However, not everyone finds or even gets a chance at that kind of love. It doesn't always happen that way. If you find it, grab it and never let go.
Comes a time in most everyone's life when we must force ourselves to choose. It sucks but it is true. Wait for the 100%'er?...or go for the 75%'er and never look back?
That's the important part...never look back. You can live a very full life by giving your all to someone, for it is in giving that we truly receive. I made such a choice. My wife had to figuratively bludgeon me to get me to the altar. We dated for a looong time. At one point I even told her that I simply did not love her enough to marry her. Fortunately for me, she did love me enough and more. It took me a few more years to come to the realization that I had a very good prospect for a happy and productive marriage staring me in the face. I proposed to her 16 years ago and have never regretted it. I look at my wife, who is lovlier now than the day I met her...I look at my two beautiful children and I know that I would not change a single minute of the time that's passed.
Now, I just want to add a personal note here and I hope it doesn't sound too creepy...but...ever since I joined this forum back in 2000, you have been one of the few who stand out. When I first visited your profile page my initial reaction was, "Wow".
Having said that, I have a feeling that you are a person of genuine character with many intriguing things to offer and will not be one of those standing on the sidelines, so to speak, for very long.
If I were single, I'd have asked for your permission to travel to Michigan long ago. However, I chose a different path many, many years ago and I have never looked back. Nor regretted it.
I hope this does not seem too personal or give you discomfort, but you revealed something of yourself in #27 and if you've ever followed any of my postings you'll know me to be someone who speaks his mind. Usually, only when asked.
And besides...I don't think I'm the only guy who finds the scent of Juicy Fruit...strangely alluring.
Hmmmmmmmm sound like a good idea.
A Match.com for conservatives
ConservativeSingles.com...part of the vast right wing conspiracy and proud of it!
You must not have read my post,
I advocate abstinence and enought will power to wait until marriage.
The only part that scares me about your post is the juicy fruit part. ;)
(my wife says I have to go now)
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