Sen. Kerry Finds Grandfather Was Jewish

NY Times ^ | 2/3/03

[AnAmericanMother]

Un shande vor de Goyim!

[BillyBoy]

Barry Goldwater's father was a Jew but the 'RATs never seemed to notice that when they were talking about Lieberman's candidacy being a historic first.

[Jhensy]

Yeah, why do Hollywood monsters have Jewish names? Frankenstein....uh, Wolfman....

[truthkeeper]

Is this a fad now?

No kidding. What some people won't do for votes.

[cookcounty]

More fascinating info about Kerry the Ketchup Kween.

[CARepubGal]

To quote Adam Ant: "Desperate But not Serious!"

[concerned about politics]

Democrats must be losing the Jewish vote. Hey, even Hillary said she was Jewish to get the NY vote. If it worked for her, maybe Kerry could pull it off, too!

[areafiftyone]

You think Sharpton will find a long lost Jewish relative?

[Hildy]

Well, well, well....(Church Lady accent) How very conVEEEEEEENient.

[concerned about politics]

You think Sharpton will find a long lost Jewish relative?

Certainly. I think it may have something to do with "gravitosh." It's the "in" thing this year.

[republicanwizard]

True, but Frankenstein was the name Mary Shelley, the 19th century British writer, gave to the monster. The question is why she gave the monster a Jewish name.

[republicanwizard]

I do want to know who gave her husband, Percy Bysse Shelley, his middle name.

[bray]

Sounds like that question put you in a bit of a pickle. Kosher of course!

Pray for GW and our Troops

[PhilDragoo]

Kerry announces he is Hitlery's "f--king Jew b-st-rd!", and Al Sharpton's "interoper".

Dem's All-Love Garden: "When you're here, you're family."

[Kerry's staff said further genealogical revelations would be forthcoming as polls dictated.]

[sheik yerbouty]

Yeah, but Fat Al's was James Brown!

[sheik yerbouty]

She is from the "fallen ones".

[Tench_Coxe]

Gee, wonder how long it will be till they 'discover' that this relative was also gay, Hispanic, ( enter other here ) on top of being Jewish?

[Rome2000]

Good thing he didn't find out he was Muslim because his canidacy would be over.

[Mia T]

 

 

GEFILTE FISHY   by Mia T     The clintons: Meshuga, tref, tsuris. Shopworn shtick, schmaltz, tsimmes. Ganef, schlemiel, schlimazel. A crooked putz with a big schnozzle.   Nudnik, nebbish, tummler. Two chachkas on Geraldo's mantle, two schnorrers. Kibitzer, kvetch with chutzpah. Yenta, spieler, two stuffed kishkas.

 

BAGEL_{by Mia T}

 

A Katz's delicatessen bump. 

(The best in New York City.) 

(Send  your boy in the Army a salami)

(It's a Jewish thang, ya wouldn't understand!)

--dennisw

 

 

 

Me, I prefer a New York bagel, some nova and a (fat-free) schmeer. . .

 

The bagel's attenuation, BTW,

has nothing whatever to do with triangulation,

Safire notwithstanding.

(The clintons analogize not to the bagel's substance but to its hole.)

 

The modern bagel is not trying to be a doughnut.

The doughnut-ization of the bagel is illusory.

The tough torus softened because of technology,

not demographics, or even demagogues. . .

It all boils down to boiling...

and, according to some bagel purists, New York water!

 

Real bagels are first boiled in a kettle,

then rinsed and cooled in a fresh water trough.

Only then are they baked.

 

The boiling process

reduces the starch and increases the gluten

to produce the real bagel's

characteristic leaden heft, golden brown thin crust and chewy center.

 

So-called bagel stores in recent years have skipped this very important step.

They steam the bagels in a rack oven

producing the ubiquitous,

(and quite-by-accident doughnut-esque),

ersatz bagel.

 

Why this happened:

Real-bagel makers are dying off and taking their trade secrets with them.

Real-bagel making is more time- and labor-intensive.

Boiling reduces shelf-life...

Would that we had parboiled the co-presidents, too...

[Alouette]

Why would a Jew -- or anyone else, for that matter -- in Bohemia or Moravia in the 1870's change his name to Kerry?

Well, there was this Jew named Becker who came to America from Poland in the early 1900's and changed his name to Sean Ferguson. Why would he change his name to Sean Ferguson? Here is how it happened: Not knowing any English, he prepared for his "interview" with immigration officials by memorizing the 2 questions he was told he would be asked:

1. What's your name?
2. What's your profession?

When he got to Ellis Island, however, the immigration officer asked him first, "What's your profession?" He answered: "Becker" (Baker) thinking they asked his name, but it didn't seem quite what he had been expecting and he became confused. The immigration officer than asked, "What's your name?" and he slapped his head, shouting, "Shoyn Fargessen!" (I already forgot) and that was the name that he was assigned by immigration.

A little while later, he happened to visit a Chinese store in his neighborhood whose manager was also named Sean Ferguson. It turned out that this man had been standing right behind him in the line at Ellis Island. When Mr. Becker was assigned his name of Sean Ferguson, the Chinese immigrant was asked his name and he said, "Sam Ting."

ducking the eggs and tomatoes