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France is no Eurowimp
National Post ^ | 30 Jan 2003 | Mark Steyn

Posted on 01/31/2003 8:03:41 AM PST by Rummyfan

France is no Eurowimp

Mark Steyn National Post

Thursday, January 30, 2003 ADVERTISEMENT

Let's say you're the head of government of a middle-rank power. You have no feelings one way or the other on the morality of things, that being a simplistic Texan cowboy concept. What then should your line on Iraq be?

The first question to ask yourself is: Is Bush serious about war? If your answer is yes, the next question is: Will he win that war?

Answer: Yes, and very quickly. You know that, even if the drooling quagmire predictors of the press don't. So the next question is: How will the Iraqi people feel about it?

Answer: They'll be dancing in the streets. You know that, even if Susan Sarandon and Ed Asner don't. They don't know because, although the "peace" movement claims to be standing shoulder to shoulder with the Iraqi people, no Iraqi person wants to put his shoulder anywhere near them. They know the scale of Saddam's murder and torture. And once the vaults are unpadlocked so will the rest of the world. So the obvious question is: If, for the cost of chipping in a couple of fighter jets, you can pass yourself off as an heroic co-liberator of a monstrous tyranny and position yourself for a big piece of the economic action from the new regime, why not go for it? It would appear to be, in the ghastly vernacular of the cretinous Yanks, a "no-brainer."

Ah, but for those with a big sophisticated Continental brain it's all more complicated than that. There are many idiotic incoherent leaders in the world, several of them francophone (hint), but Jacques Chirac is not among them. Say what you like about M. le President -- call him irresponsible, call him unreliable, throw in shifty, devious, corrupt, and almost absurdly conceited. But he's not stupid. The issue for the French is very straightforward: What's in it for us?

The answer to that may vary, but frame the question as a negative and the reply is always the same: What's not in it for France is that America should emerge with its present pre-eminence even more enhanced. France is in the business of la gloire de la republique, and right now the main obstacle to that is the post-Soviet unipolar geopolitical settlement. They are not temperamentally suited to being anyone's sidekick: If Tony Blair wants to play Athens to America's Rome, or Tonto to Bush's Lone Ranger, or Sandy the dog to Dubya's Little Orphan Annie, fine. The French aren't interested in any awards for Best Supporting Actor.

This isn't quite the same as being a bunch of spineless appeasers. As far as I can see, American pop culture only ever has room for one joke about the French. For three decades, the Single French Joke was that they were the guys who thought Jerry Lewis was a genius. I don't particularly see the harm in that myself, at least when compared to thinking, say, Jean-Paul Sartre is a genius. But, since September 11th, the new Single French Joke has been that they're "cheese-eating surrender monkeys," a phrase introduced on The Simpsons but greatly popularized by Jonah Goldberg of National Review. Jonah, you'll recall, recently flayed us Canadians for being a bunch of northern pussies, but it's a measure of the contempt in which he holds our D-list Dominion that we didn't even merit a pithy four-word sneer-in-a-can.

The trouble is the cheese-eating surrender paradigm is insufficient. If you want to go monkey fishing, there's certainly no shortage of Eurowimps: Since the unpleasantness of 60 years ago, the Germans have become as aggressively and obnoxiously pacifist as they once were militarist; they loathe their own armed forces, never mind anybody else's. But France is one of only five official nuclear powers in the world, a status it takes seriously. When Greenpeace were interfering with French nuclear tests in the Pacific, they blew up the damn boat. Even I, a right-wing detester of the eco-loonies, would balk at killing the buggers.

A few weeks ago, there was a spot of bother in Ivory Coast. Don't ask me what's going on: President Wossname represents the southern Wotchamacallit tribe and they're unpopular with natives in the northern province of Hoogivsadam. Something like that. But next thing you know, French troops have locked down the entire joint and forced both parties into a deeply unpopular peace deal that suits the Quai d'Orsay but nobody else. All of this while the UN is hunkered down in a month-long debate on whether to approve Article IV Sub-section 7.3 (d) of Hans Blix's hotel bill. Ivory Coast is nominally a sovereign state. The French have no more right to treat it as a colony than the British have to treat Iraq as a colony. But they do. And they don't care what you think about it.

So they're not appeasing Saddam. On the matter of Islamic terrorists killing American office workers and American forces killing Iraqi psychopaths, they are equally insouciant. Let's say Saddam has long-range WMDs. If he nuked Montpelier (Vermont), M. Chirac would insist that Bush needed to get a strong Security Council resolution before responding. If he nuked Montpellier (France), Iraq would be a crater by lunchtime.

It's true that for a couple of centuries the French have not performed impressively on the battlefield per se. But even a surrender monkey can wind up king of the swingers. In the Second World War, half of France was occupied, the rest was run by a collaborationist regime; there were a couple of dozen in the French Resistance listening to the BBC under the bed, and a gazillion on the other side, enthusiastically shipping Jews east. And yet, miracle of miracles, in the post-war order France wound up with one of only five UN Security Council vetoes. Canada did far more heavy lifting and was far more deserving of a seat at the top table. But the point is, despite being deeply compromised and tainted, the French came out a big winner.

Their next ingenious wheeze was to co-opt the new Germany, a country with formidable economic muscle but paralyzed by self-doubt. Overlooked in last week's fuss about Schroeder and Chirac's thumbs-down to Bush was the real meat of their confab: the proposal to create a merged Franco-German citizenship. There's already a "European" citizenship, largely meaningless at the moment but intended (or so it was assumed) to be a legal identity that would eventually supersede national citizenship. Now Schroeder and Chirac have effectively announced that at the heart of the European Union will be a Franco-German superstate of 140 million people around which the Dutch and Austrians and other minor satellites cluster like the princely states around British India.

Even the ostensibly risible constitutional proposal that there should be two Presidents of Europe has a kind of sense: one will be, as a general rule, French or, if necessary, German; the other will be some nonentity from Luxembourg or Denmark. Whatever you think of all this, it's not the behaviour of surrender monkeys. A year ago, David Warren dismissed Canada and other fence-sitters as "spectators in their own fates." That's not the French. The startling suggestion that the French government will fund and run state mosques, in order to obstruct the malign spread of Saudi Wahhabism, may sound kooky to American ears. But to sly French Machiavels, it has the potential of neutering the potential Muslim threat as thoroughly as they permanently neutered the German threat.

Meanwhile, the peacenik predisposition of the other Continentals is a useful cover for French ambition. Last year Paavo Lipponen, the Finnish Prime Minister, declared that "the EU must not develop into a military superpower but must become a great power that will not take up arms at any occasion in order to defend its own interests." This sounds insane. But, to France, it has a compelling logic. You can't beat the Americans on the battlefield, but you can tie them down limb by limb in the UN and other supranational bodies.

In other words, this is the war, this is the real battlefield, not the sands of Mesopotamia. And, on this terrain, Americans always lose. Either they win but get no credit, as in Afghanistan. Or they win a temporary constrained victory to be subverted by subsequent French machinations, as in the last Gulf War. This time round, who knows? But through it all France is admirably upfront in its unilateralism: It reserves the right to treat French Africa as its colonies, Middle Eastern dictators as its clients, the European Union as a Greater France and the UN as a kind of global condom to prevent the spread of Americanization. All this it does shamelessly and relatively effectively. It's time the rest of the West was so clear-sighted.


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Comment #81 Removed by Moderator

To: Burkeman1
But they were not the ones who stopped us from taking Baghdad and kicking out Sadaam.

Who knows whose opinions Bush Sr was wary of upsetting when he called an early cease fire; the Arabs ? , the Europeans? the American left? all the "allies"? But yea , I guess you cant blame the frogs for that. OTOH, theyve been a real pain in the butt since then.

82 posted on 01/31/2003 11:38:58 AM PST by Nonstatist
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To: smith288
"The Simpsons" were not the first network animated show to popularize the "surrender monkeys" notion. I remember watching "The Critic," which regularly featured episodes involving some fictional United Nations elementary school (which the main character's son attended) and it seemed that at every class assembly there was some loud bang or some other such noise, and without fail, the French students immediately threw their hands up in surrender...
83 posted on 01/31/2003 11:40:09 AM PST by COBOL2Java
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To: Rummyfan
LOL
84 posted on 01/31/2003 11:40:51 AM PST by The FRugitive
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To: Dionysius
sounde like the submarine "Tricolor" has a better war record than anything else in the French navy! (at least in teh past 250 years or so...
85 posted on 01/31/2003 11:43:57 AM PST by camle (Camle pox?!?!? I hope there's a vaccine!)
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To: Burkeman1
We are just a neutral disinterested buyer of oil

LOL. A guy who's willing to starve his own people and penurize himself would have no reservations about withholding 25 millions barrel a day production, for political reasons. The argument that he would "sell it" because he'd need the money has already been disproven. Enormous dislocations to the West caused by his blackmail would be the "likely" scenario. No thanks, not worth the risk.

86 posted on 01/31/2003 11:45:17 AM PST by Nonstatist
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To: OrthodoxPresbyterian
( And So It Begins...) From whence does this line originate?

I'm quoting King Theoden at Helm's Deep just before they start the battle against the Uruk-Hai, in "The Two Towers". Before that, I think it was the title of a Babylon 5 episod. But I don't know the original source either.

87 posted on 01/31/2003 11:47:53 AM PST by Elenya ( And So It Begins...)
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To: Richard Kimball
Anybody who thinks Jonah Goldberg has more influence on pop culture than the Simpsons needs to get out more."


Among intelligent people such as Steyn, you may find there is little Simpson knowledge. I am not anywhere near as smart as Steyn, but read Goldberg, while I would not watch even one minute of the Simpsons.
88 posted on 01/31/2003 11:52:03 AM PST by Bigg Red
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To: Pokey78
Thanks!
89 posted on 01/31/2003 11:57:31 AM PST by facedown (Armed in the Heartland)
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To: Nonstatist
Enormous dislocations to the West? Oil lines for a year and a recession? Americans can't afford to fill two cars for a while? On the bright side it might make us build nuke plants and drill for more domestic oil and clean coal technology.

But only if Sadaam were an idiot would he do that. The ME has one cash earning export- oil. Even a Sadaam couldn't sit on it forever. Further- from the last experience OPEC had when they tried to fix prices and attempted an embargo- it was a disaster for them. The ME produces no manufactured goods to speak of. All of their technology- including the technology to drill for their only export comes from the West. Sadaam sitting on 25 million barrels of oil is not in the cards.
90 posted on 01/31/2003 11:57:53 AM PST by Burkeman1
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To: Siobhan
I was doing my 2 weeks of reserve duty in Gulf Port last September. Several of us wondered what the gigantic mound of weird looking dirt was for, and we were told that it was bauxite that France had sent after WWII. Aparently it is not used in aluminum production much anymore, and so is not worth doing anything with. I don't have any other source for this, just what my LPO told us.
91 posted on 01/31/2003 11:58:21 AM PST by Britton J Wingfield
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To: Karl B
So to remain succesfull, we should retreat and suck any dictators toes?

Ok... France sucks
92 posted on 01/31/2003 12:12:09 PM PST by smith288
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To: Burkeman1
The ME has one cash earning export- oil.

The spread of Islamofascism will stop when hydrogen powered cars are available at a dealer near you.

93 posted on 01/31/2003 12:12:18 PM PST by Elenya ( And So It Begins...)
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To: Bigg Red
Among intelligent people such as Steyn, you may find there is little Simpson knowledge.

Mmmmmmmmmm...get your point, but have a little quibble. Some people are important because what they have to say is important. Goldberg and others fall into that category. Others are important because of how much they influence people.

An example I gave to students in Art class was this: "How many of you are familiar with Picasso's painting, Guernica?" Usually no hands go up. Sometimes one will. I then explain to them that this painting is considered on of his masterpieces on the horrors of war; it is one of his most important paintings, and is worth millions of dollars." I then ask them, "How many of you remember when Bambi's mother died?" Every hand shoots up. I then ask, "how much effect has one of the most important paintings by one of the most important artists of the twentieth century had on the debate about war?" The answer is obviously none. "Has anyone ever had a debate on hunting without either hearing or saying the phrase, 'you just want to go shoot Bambi's mother!'"

Goldberg may influence the intellectuals, but Homer influences the masses. Ignore what the masses are paying attention to at your own peril.

94 posted on 01/31/2003 12:12:25 PM PST by Richard Kimball (BTW, I'd rather drink a beer with Homer than Jonah)
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To: COBOL2Java
"the simpsons" predate "the critic" if I recall.

95 posted on 01/31/2003 12:12:54 PM PST by smith288
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To: Burkeman1
But only if Sadaam were an idiot would he do that. ... Sadaam sitting on 25 million barrels of oil is not in the cards.

He has already been proven to be an "idiot". He only needs to keep about 20,000 people real happy and maybe another 100,000 kinda happy, and thats it; not the whole country. Children are starving every day over there and he could care less. His goal is power, and not necessarily money for the peasants. Dont forget , a hungry peasant is a preoccupied one, no time for rebellion. He's a true Visogoth; no one can even pretend to know what he'd do, and you'd have to be blind to not see what he's capable of.

96 posted on 01/31/2003 12:22:45 PM PST by Nonstatist
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To: smith288
"the simpsons" predate "the critic" if I recall.

It does, but I believe that the episode with Willie's "Bonjour, ye cheese-eatin' surrender monkeys" line is newer than "The Critic".

Those who are more familiar with Simpsons lore, please correct me if I'm wrong...

97 posted on 01/31/2003 12:25:16 PM PST by COBOL2Java
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To: Temple Owl
Ping
98 posted on 01/31/2003 12:25:32 PM PST by Tribune7
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To: babaloo999
The Polish and German papers today announced that the U.S. is moving troops from Germany to Poland. Watch for the Czechs and Hungary to follow. After the French - German Love fest last week, it seems that those two are collaborating to take over Europe without firing a shot. What they did not count on was opposition from the other countries. When we move our forces East, it won't be to protect those countries from Russia, it is more like protecting them from a German/French connection in the future. History does have a way of repeating itself?
The things that are going on in those two countries are incredible.
99 posted on 01/31/2003 12:30:21 PM PST by americanbychoice
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To: Nonstatist
He is a power hungary dictator that presides over a stalinist regime of terror. No doubt about it. And he is willing to starve his people as long as he is able to feed his army and apparatchiks that keep him in power. But that is direct result of the sanctions on Iraq. Does anyone really think Sadaam cares about the lives of his people? Of course not. But again - what would prompt Sadaam to sit on his oil if we had let him take over Saudi and Kuwait? There would be no reason for it first of all. But even if he did it would not be the end of the world for the West (and might even be a blessing in the long run.)
100 posted on 01/31/2003 12:31:00 PM PST by Burkeman1
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