Posted on 01/28/2003 10:32:48 AM PST by Britton J Wingfield
We're gonna leave it to the Russians to wipe out French. Somebody finally told Putin that his name is pronounced like the French word “Putain”, which means a cheap whore.
French casualties, approx. 250,000.
British casualties, approx. 13,000.
The United States declared war on Germany on April 6, 1917.
The amusing thing-- in a horrifying sort of way-- is just how wrong this statement is. For one thing, we didn't "kick out" any French troops after the Revolution. Morally and physcially, how could we? Besides the vast majority of support from the French was in material, not manpower. Besides, with La Belle France on the verge of revolution itself, most French soldiers understandably lit out for home.
Second of all, yes, we did pay the French back for money they loaned us. The fly in the ointment was that after the first few installements the monarchy fell and the National Assembly -- with its accompanying stalinistic "cleansing", and establishment of "sleeper cells" (a.k.a. "political clubs") in America-- took over.
To whom it we owe the money? The government that issued the loan, but was now no more? Or the new government- completely opposite/opposed to that which okayed the loan?
When I think French military, I think of Petain and Weygand and DeGaulle.
As the French evaporated when the Germans crossed the Meuse in 1940, Weygand told Churchill that Britains neck would be strangled like a chickens. HA!
Petain was a good WW I commander and helped save France; unfortunately he turned into a doddering old weasel in WW II.
And despite De Gaulle's annoying anti-American weaselosity, he was an EXCELLENT military commander.
De Gaulle was wounded three separate times in World War I (captured after the last wounding) and then proceeded to make FIVE escape attempts.
He then helped organize the Polish army which proceeded to kick the living snot out of the Soviets in the Russo-Polish war in the 20s (a completely forgotten war that may have saved all of Europe, and maybe the entire world, from going Communist.)
And in 1940 he commanded a division, and mounted the only successful French counterrack of the Battle for France. He'd previously strenuously argued that the French should combine their tanks into large masses and coordinate them with air power (particularly after studying the German invasion of Poland) but the High Command didn't listen, and scattered the French tanks in tiny groups here and there.
The French and British in 1940 had better tanks than the Germans, more tanks than the Germans, AND more men. Arguably, had De Gaulle been in overall Allied command, the Germans might have lost in 1940.
And after all the other French gave up and started licking German boots De Gaulle was the one guy that wouldn't give in.
"Frenchmen are like gunpowder, each by itself smutty and comtempible, but mass them together and they are terrible indeed!"
- Samuel Taylor Coolridge
Paris - Inspired by the commercial success of the United States Army’s "Boot Camp" video game, the General Staff of the French Army has announced plans to market "Ultimate Surrender," a video game based upon the proud military traditions of the Gauls.
In the game we follow the exploits of Lucky Pierre, an apprentice garlic salesman from Marseilles, as he joins the French Army and begins a rigorous course of combat training.
The First Level of the game is called "Survival School," and the players have to help Lucky Pierre survive 24 hours without red wine or crème brulé.
The Second Level is "Capitulation," and the goal here is to see which player can have Lucky Pierre surrender the fastest without firing a shot or getting his uniform dirty.
Level Three is "Collaboration." Here the players battle to see who can collect the largest numbers of pairs of nylon stockings and packages of chocolates by having Lucky Pierre perform sexual favors for members of the occupying forces.
Level Four is "Be Ungrateful to America for Rescuing Your Sorry French Ass Once Again." In this extremely challenging part of the game contestants vie with one another to see who can make Lucky Pierre behave in the surliest manner when the United States inevitably comes to the rescue of the defeated French.
The Final Level is "Pretending to Have Been in the Resistance." Here contestants compete in a battle of tall tales and whoppers as they try to protect Lucky Pierre from treason charges.
Marketing tests show that "Ultimate Surrender" is a big hit with French teenagers and young adults who are too young to have experienced France’s lightening surrender to the Germans in 1940 or its defeat by the Vietnamese in 1954 at Dien Bien Phu. "Zees is a great tool to inspire ze patriotism in ze youths, n’est ce pas?" said General Jean-Jacques Loseur, Commander-in-Chief of the French Army, during his weekly press conference. "Since ze end of ze Cold War we French have not had many opportunities to surrender or to show great cowardice in the face of much weaker opponents."
When questioned about comments made in the French Chamber of Deputies that "Ultimate Surrender" makes the French Army look like a bunch of gutless mama’s boys, General Loseur pulled out a white handkerchief, put his hands over his head and said, "Oh heck, I give up."
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