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Howdy A-A...good to see ya!!

"Marchin' on DeeCee!!"
(To be sung to Bruce Springsteen's "Racin' in the Streets")

I got a worn-out ol' computer with a 486...
Fax machine and patriotism galore.
Left's threatnin' our Rights with all their Guv'ment ROT...
Clinton's a Chinese Communist Whore!
Me and my FReeper buddies gonna fight to the last...
Gonna kick Ol' Slick right outta town.
'Cuz Bill took Chinese money, helped our Nukes get snatched...
We'll Re-Impeach, then we'll CONVICT RATS' Clown!!

Tonight, we fight Slick's White House Blight...
We're gonna knock that Traitor outta his seat!
Spring is here and The Time Is Right...
For FReepin' on DeeCee!!

We decry corruption when we see'it...
We expose Tyranny by the State.
When Limbaugh shuts down, we hit the DrudgeReport...
We're all funded by "Dick" Mellon-Scaife.
Now some folks, they just give up caring...
And start givin' up their Liberties, piece by piece.
Some folks come home from work and wash up...
Then go hit the Web to FReep!!

Tonight, we fight Left's Treas'nous Blight...
We're gonna stomp those Lib'rals beneath our feet!
Spring is here and The Time's Just Right...
We're Gonna DESTROY DemElites!!

(Keyboard/Percussion)

We met him and his "schtick" eight years ago...
Sixties' Lib'ral with "an eye fer the babes."
With far-Left Media at his back...
Slick told the World he's here to stay!
But now there's Treason, Rape, and Chinese spies...
So many lies...Oh no, it just ain't Right!
This Country's drones, they need a spark...
Need Ol' Mudboy singin', "It's worth the fight!"

Slick spunked on the floor of our great White House...
But folks said, "Wait, 'cuz Wall Street's soarin'!"
They stare off all numb, afraid to fight...
Trustin' LIES of folks who slaughter the Unborn.
For all YOU Mind-Numbed Robots and Network "HotShots"...
Ignorin' crimes to Beat the Band...
Tonight, the FReepers and me, we're gonna take back DeeCee...
And Purge LEFT's Filth From OUR Land!

Tonight, we fight the righteous fight...
Out of our way, RINOS, you best keep!
'Cuz Spring is here and the mood's just Right...
For FReepin' on DeeCee!

(Keyboard/Percussion to fade)

Mudboy Slim

BTW...Just over two centuries ago, our forefathers risked Life, Liberty, and their personal fortunes to stand up against an over-bearing and tyrannical government. Because of their courage and determination, the original Thirteen Colonies became what we now know as the United States of America. Therefore, our honored forebears were all-too-aware of the propensity for central governing bureaucracies to grow out of control. The writers of our Constitution, in an attempt to protect the citizenry from this eventuality, chose to enumerate our individual liberties in the Bill of Rights. The First Amendment includes "the right to free speech," which not only protected the individual's right to speak out against the government, but also enabled the Fourth Branch of Government--the Free Press, if you will--to flourish. For over two hundred years, this watchdog Media has turned over many rocks, exposing the dark under-belly of American politics...UNTIL NOW!!

Previously occupying the Oval Office at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, was a small petty man, heading a vast criminal conspiracy. Bill Clinton most indubitably committed multiple felonies and obstructed justice in the Monica Lewinsky matter. A morally-weak, spineless Senate was not up to the task of removing him from office, making a mockery of our Legal System as the #1 Law Enforcement Officer in the land was allowed to continue master-minding a relentless attack on The Rule of Law; however, it is clear that Clinton is "Guilty" (beyond all reasonable doubts) of multiple felonies and SHALL BE BROUGHT TO JUSTICE!!

Since escaping Justice in the Impeachment Trial, Mr. Clinton has been credibly accused of Violent RAPE by one nice woman, Ms. Juanita Broaddrick. Either this is a major slander against the good name of an innocent man...or else Bill Clinton raped and violently bit the lip of this young woman. If it wasn't true, don't you think the Rapist-in-Chief would have come out a bit more strongly in his own defense?!

Now, we come to find out the President of the United States is most likely guilty of TREASON, for accepting illegal foreign campaign donations from the Communist Chinese in exchange for basically offering a free run of our Nuclear Weapons Labs and authorizing high technology transfers through key Democratic National Committee contributors, Hughes and Loral. Executive Branch Corruption never ran as deep and as wide as is the case with this Administration!!

Yes, when it comes to brazenly flouting the laws and mores of this Country, this Clinton Cadre of Corrupt Communist Co-Conspirators is charting a new course. Yet, the blatantly Left-Wing Media can't find the time or the manpower to investigate/report the Truth about Slick Willie's Felonious Behavior, the "dark side" of the man who could violently rape a supportor and suggest as he left, "Better put some ice on that, baby!" No, our "Free Press" cannot even find it in themselves to report on the TREASON committed by Bill Clinton, in which each and every man, woman, and child in America is now significantly more at risk than 8 years ago, simply because Bill Clinton needed some illegal contributions to retain his tenuous hold on the reins of Power.

We've seen how ridiculous the Yugoslavian State-controlled Media Propoganda Machine looked in the recent conflagration in Kosovo...who amongst the Media Poltroons can explain to me the difference between Clinton's Media and Slobo's. Fortunately, The Network drones are becoming irrelevant!!

If you want to help in reclaiming our Country from the Evil that occupies the Oval Office, here's the gameplan...

RE-IMPEACH. CONVICT. DETHRONE.
DE-PENSION. DISBAR. DE-LEGITIMIZE.
INDICT. CONVICT. IMPRISON. DISCARD KEY.
(COURT-MARTIAL FOR TREASON AND APPROPRIATE PUNISHMENT OPTIONAL)

Quite Sincerely,
Mudboy Slim

P.S. "On the 15th day of February in the Two-Thousand Third Year of our Lord, there was a Grand Convening of Patriots at the Mall in Washington, DC. This convention of FReedom-loving Americans from accross the Continent was unanimous in its call for JUSTICE to be exacted upon those who would commit TREASON against our great Country!! Historians will record this great day as the beginning of the end of William Jefferson Clinton's Treasonous Reign of Terror!!"

So sayeth the word of...MUD

1 Posted on 07/03/2000 10:07:19 PDT by Mudboy Slim (Impeach@gain.HARDER!!)

From the Iconoclast:

http://www.iconoclast.ca/mainpage.html

---- TOP SECRET! EMBARGOED! CONFIDENTIAL! TOP PRIORITY! NOT FOR PUBLIC RELEASE! ----

BUBBA:
The Official Biography of William Jefferson Clinton

By Edmund Porris,
author of Dutch: A Delusional Memoir of Ronald Reagan

---- "Edited" by William E. Grim ---

Hope, Arkansas Springs Eternal: The Early Years

Hi, y'all. I'm Dub Dorris, a fictional boyhood friend of Bill Clinton. I lived across the street from Bill when we was no higher than the little guy on Fantasy Island's kneecaps. Shoot, them was the days, let me tell you. We didn't have much money back then, but we was rich in family, friends, and Southern Gothic monstrosities right out of one of them novels by Flannery O'Connor or William Faulkner. I always knew ol' Bill would someday grow up to be President of the whole United States, all 48 of 'em. Huh? When did that happen? 1959? OK. I mean all 50 of 'em.

You see, Bill, he was the apple of his mammy's eye. Yessirree Bob, that Mrs. Clinton was right proud of Bill. She used to work all day as a nurse and then come home, heat up a can of Spam and fix a mess of grits, and then head down to the illegal gambling casinos where she was a dime dancer and would roll suckers for their chips just like that Sharon Stone did in that there movin' picture Casino, you know, the one directed by that little Eyetalian feller, Martin Sneezy. Sooooeeey! Ain't that Sharon Stone a looker!! I ain't never seen no hog jowls wiggle like that Sharon Stone. Huh? Yeah, well back to the story. Ol' Bill had hisself a mama who made sure he grew up to be somethin'.

I remember one evening when I was over at the Clinton's. Bill and me was in the same Cub Scout pack. Mrs. Clinton was the pack leader and we was all workin' on our bartending merit badge. We was all pretty wasted on Jack Daniels and Dr. Pepper and I remember Mrs. Clinton hugged ol' Billy Boy and said to him, "Son, you work real hard and study, and someday you can grow up to be the first President of the United States to get a hummer in the Oval Office."

Mrs. Clinton, she done passed out after that and I said to Bill, "Bill, you sure are one lucky razorback, boy. Most fellers would give anythin' to have our self-esteem validated by a sweet mammy like your sweet mammy." Bill, he kinda sniffled after that. I knewed he was destined for greatness.

During the summers Bill used to work as a counselor at Camp Porky's outside of Hubble Flats, a white-trash resort south of Fayetteville. By his own account, Bill says that he offered counseling to 77 people who almost drowned. Course, if he had knowed how to swim maybe them kids wouldn't have almost drowned, but Bill didn't see it that way. No sir, Bill always looked at things different, which is probably why he is such a great man. I remember once after Bill had given grief counseling to a girl who had almost drowned, Bill turned to me and said, "Dub, any man can rescue a drowning big-breasted girl if he knows how to swim. But if you give counseling to a big-breasted girl who's almost drowned, well, shucks, you might just get lucky and when she asks you why you have your hands on her boobies, you just say you're givin' her CPR." Shoot, that Bill Clinton, he was one in a million.

High School Scholar

Boy, I tell you, that ol' Bill was one smart feller. He knowed his ABCs before the fifth grade, which is somethin' for Arkansas. Yup, and when the teacher asked us a question, it was always Billy Boy who raised his hand. He always had the answers. In high school Bill was elected President of the Student Council. Piggy Dawson, he got all riled up because he lost the election to Bill. He went around saying that Bill only won because he received $200,000 from Wang Chung's Laundry. Claimed Bill had sold ol' Wang Chung the playbook of the high school football team. Shoot, it was just jealousy if you ask me. They never could prove nothin', course, I always wondered why Bill's shirts seemed to be so heavily starched.

During Senior year Bill saved up the money he made from his paper route and invested it in cattle futures. Don't you know, ol' Bill took $37.43 and turned it into $100,000. The SEC looked into it, but, shucks, they said Bill didn't do nothin' wrong, he was just one lucky son of a gun. Well, Bill took his money and bought hisself a 1962 Chevy pickup truck. He put astroturf in the bed of the truck. I asked him, "Bill, why the astroturf?" and he said right back to me, "It's so my Bruno Magli shoes don't leave no footprints, know what I mean, Dub?" That Bill, he was sure a card.

Come graduation time, Bill was selected to be the valedictorian. Bill took a lot of heat at the time cause most folks thought he was bein' uppity and everythin' seein' as how he could read and write. But Bill never gave it no mind, no sir, not at all. He said to me, "Dub, I'm a gonna give a commencement address everyone's gonna remember." And don't you know, that's exactly what ol' Bill did. Bill, he promised to socialize healthcare, to raise taxes, to increase social spending, and then he ended his speech by saying he wanted to allow homosexuals to be in the armed forces. Well, that weren't real smart of Bill cause most of the good ol' boys in the audience were ex-Marines and didn't really cotton much to them homosexuals specially since most homosexuals are also communists and furriners from New York City. So the good ol' boys, they start throwing rocks and stuff at Bill, and one of 'em hit Bill right in the nose. Bill yells out, "I feel your pain." Well, that did it. People started applauding and the good ol' boys sat down and kept real quiet. Shoot, that Bill was born to be a politician. Or maybe a used car salesman.

The Vietnam War Years: Bill Goes Undercover in Moscow

Greeting, Comrades. I am Dub Dorris, Jr., the real son of fictional character Dub Dorris. Like my father, I met Bill Clinton at an early age. Unlike my father, however, I grew up not in Hope, Arkansas, but in Stalingrad with my mother Anna Akhmetovana Dorris. I first met Comrade Bill Clinton in 1965 when he was secretly smuggled into the Soviet Union to address the 10th Meeting of the Comintern. At that time, Comrade Clinton was stationed as part of the Kim Philby cell working out of Oxford University. His exploits were known to all of the members of the various communist youth groups. Hero of the Revolution Bill Clinton often appeared at the top of Lenin's Tomb during May Day celebrations, waving to the crowd alongside Comrade Brezhnev as the Red Army proudly marched through the streets of Moscow. I remember very vividly the interview Comrade Clinton gave on Soviet TV with Sam Donaldsonovavitch. It cheered the hearts of all of us Young Pioneers when Comrade Clinton announced that in 1992 and 1996 he would be the "Manchurian Candidate" for the presidency of the imperialist United States. We knew that even if the Soviet Union were to fall, the glories of communist ideology would survive in a Clinton administration. And history has proven us to be right.

Next POST: Monica, Jennifer and Babs: Hillary Clinton on the "Other Women"

Folks, I again return you to the Iconoclast:

http://www.iconoclast.ca/mainpage.html

---- TOP SECRET! EMBARGOED! CONFIDENTIAL! TOP PRIORITY! NOT FOR PUBLIC RELEASE! ----

BUBBA PART 2:
The Official Biography of William Jefferson Clinton;
Chillin with Hill:

Monica, Jennifer and Babs: Hillary Clinton on the "Other Women"

Hi, I'm Roger Ebert, film critic for the Chicago Sun-Times. I'm a real person, but the author of this book has decided to use me in a fictional manner because he almost had a nervous breakdown trying to discover the "real" Bill Clinton. I'm going to interview First Lady Hillary Clinton to try to get her perspective on her philandering hubby and why he is so attracted to all of those bimbos. We're going to conduct the interview in screenplay format for two reasons. One, I'm a film critic and it seems so ironic and postmodern to be doing this as a screenplay, and two, screenplay format has real narrow margins and will help get the book up to the page count required by the author's contract with Random House.

CHILLIN' WITH HILL: THE INTERVIEW

FADE IN:

EXT. DECK OF BOAT IN CANNES HARBOR

Film critic Roger Ebert and First Lady Hillary Clinton are sitting in deck chairs on Gary Hart's yacht, Monkey Business II, which is moored in the harbor of Cannes, France.

ROGER

Mrs. Clinton, are you having a good festival?

HILLARY

Comme ci, comme ca, babe. Miramax is ready to bite on my life story, but Gwyneth is holding out for play or pay.

ROGER

Give 'em an Oscar and they want the world.

HILLARY

Tell me about it.

A waiter brings over drinks.

HILLARY (CONT'D)

(to waiter) Where's the f***ing umbrella for my mai tai, a**hole?

ROGER

If we could get started, I know this is a touchy subject, but do you have any insights into your husband's well-known proclivity to wander?

HILLARY

Well, the members of the vast right-wing conspiracy with their simplistic solutions to all of America's problems try to say that it's just because my husband is a low-life rutting cad with the morals of an alley cat. But the truth is that my husband IS a victim, a victim of childhood abuse, of the conflict between his mother and grandmother.

ROGER

Really?

CUT TO:

BLACK & WHITE FLASHBACK CLINTON HOUSE 1949

Bill Clinton's mother and grandmother are both dressed in red teddies and are sitting in the parlor of what appears to be a turn of the century whorehouse. There are a number of distinguished looking gentlemen seated about. They all are wearing expensive suits with spats and waistcoats. They are listening to young Bill Clinton playing "She's the Daughter of Rosie O'Grady" on the tenor saxophone.

MRS. CLINTON

Give me the money, you old woman!

GRANDMA CLINTON

No way! I'm gonna spend it on Depends, and gamble the rest away at the casino.

MRS. CLINTON C'mon, you knowwe need that money for Bill's tuition at Georgetown.

GRANDMA CLINTON

Yeah, you just want the money so you can bail out your 2nd and 3rd husbands and get your boyfriend's banjo out of the hockshop.

MRS. CLINTON

(slaps Grandma) Take that, you old bag.

The two ladies begin to wrestle in a mud-wrestling pit that mysteriously appears. The gentlemen present begin to urge them on and to place bets on the winner. Bill Clinton puts down his saxophone and puts on the striped shirt of a referee. He gets in the mud-wrestling pit and breaks the two ladies up several times when it appears that they are taking a breather and just holding on to each other.

DISSOLVE TO ORIGINAL SCENE:

HILLARY

So you see, Roger, Bill always felt that he had to referee these disputes between his mother and grandmother.

ROGER

Wow, president, philanderer AND auteur! (turns to camera) So, let's recap tonight's films. The remake of "The Diary of Anne Frank" starring Monica Lewinsky got a thumbs down from both of us. While Hillary thought "Deliverance II", with Web Hubbell taking the role originated by Burt Reynolds, to be a tender Southern romance, I thought it was just a film about a bunch of yahoos getting anally raped. I thought George Stephanopoulos was radiant in "The Fayetteville Horror III," but Hillary gave it a thumbs down, saying that Stephanopoulos was the least attractive of all of her husband's mistresses. Finally, we both give thumbs up to "Bill Clinton Childhood Flashback."

FADE TO:

END OF FILM

Bill Clinton: Greatest War Leader Since Millard Fillmore

At ease. I'm General Mark Clark, Commander of US Forces in Italy during World War II. Although I've been dead for some time, the author asked me to narrate the section of his book on Bill Clinton's glorious victories as a military leader. And I should know. Heck, I was such an incompetent general I was almost defeated by the Italians, for Christ's sake. So who better to comment upon Bill Clinton's miraculous victory over the awesome military might of Greater Serbia.

One of the first lessons you're taught in Officers' Training School is if you want to stay out of war never get caught with your pants down. Of course, this is meant metaphorically, in other words, don't get caught being unprepared or you'll have to go to war. President Clinton, however, seems to have taken this literally because when he was caught with his pants down with Monica Lewinsky he mistakenly thought that he was required to start a war.

Although the president has no military training, his instincts served him well. President Clinton had purchased a copy of Sun Tzu's The Art of War as a friendship gift for Monica Lewinsky, but fortunately Betty Currie was able to retrieve this book from Lewinsky's apartment before it was subpoenaed by Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr. Purusing the volume, the President immediately seized upon the section entitled "War in the Midst of Scandal." Underlined in his copy of Sun Tzu's treatise is the following passage:

When the stain on the dress is so plain,
Do not kill, do not self-disembowel.
Prepare for war not in Spain nor in Maine,
But in a land where the names have no vowels.

And that is why the Great War of Kosovo Liberation began in the town of Srbsrgtskt.

At first glance, Srbsrgtskt may not seem like an imposing military target, especially to the untrained eye. But Srbsrgtskt, with its seven mules, Blockbuster Video, Starbucks and several inside toilets, is a massive military fortress, not unlike the abandoned wineries in the Po Valley that made my progress so slow up the middle of Italy after the landing on Anzio beach. The success of the Great War of Kosovo Liberation is largely due to the brilliant decision early on by President Clinton to not proceed until Srbsrgtskt had been completely "neutralized." This was accomplished by overwhelming air power. Over the course of 72 days, 312,785 sorties delivered over 9,243,869 tons of explosives on an area little larger than 3 square blocks. Damage assessments reveal that 99.96% of all bombs dropped on Srbsrgtskt fell within a bombing radius deemed "near but functionally non-target."

This is a military record that would have made Napoleon proud. His forces never achieved this type of bombing accuracy, although it must be noted that the French Air Force of the early 19th century did not employ laser-guided cruise missiles, thereby limiting their effectiveness. This is General Mark Clark, US Army retired.

Ex-President Clinton: The Years of Exile in Hope and Leavenworth

Hi, y'all. This here's Dub Dorris again. Back to narratin' the strange tale of my friend, Bill Clinton, the 42nd President of plumb near ever'one of these here United States.

Well, when Billy Boy left the White House things wasn't too good, no, that's fer sure. Wife just upped and left him. Went lesbo, no kiddin'. Then ol' Bill done and got hisself into a mess of trouble. Yup. Didn't pay his VISA bill for six months. Just tore up the bills. I told him, "Mr. President, you can't do that. Them people from VISA's watchin' you. If you don't pay, well, they might just try to make an example of you." And doggone it, that's just what them VISA people did. Took ol' Bill to court, got his sorry behind drug off to Leavenworth for fraud. Don't that beat all? Ex-President of the US in jail, lesbo ex-wife and his dog runs away. Just like them ol' country tunes, don't you know.

Well, Bill made the most of his time in the slammer. Did a little jailhouse lawyerin'; shucks, most of Hillary's ex-partners from the Rose Law Firm were cellblock buddies. Joined a Southern Baptist Bible study group and became a honorary member of the Black Muslims. Ain't it a hoot! Ol' Bill's whiter than an albino polar bear's behind and he gets in tight with them Black Muslims. And you know what? Billy Boy looks purty good wearin' them red bow ties. Well, that's another story.

Well, it all turned out OK in the end. Billy Boy got shock probation in six months. Came home to Fayetteville and the people said, aw heck, we know he's been a bad boy, but he done his time like a man. Got a job bussin' tables at Shakey's Pizza Parlor and he's behavin' hisself real good. Goes to church purty near every Sunday, except when them early NFL games come on, but don't nobody mind too much about that.

So ever'one says why don't we get a presidential liberry for Bill, you know, even Dick Nixon's got hisself a liberry, so they hold this 4-hour marathon on the local country music station, raised near $1,200 and bought the ol' Esso station on Water Street and turned it into Billy Boy's presidential liberry. Looks purty nice, too, if I do say so myself. Got most of his speeches on the Lay's Potato Chip racks and the real valuable stuff, like Monica's dress and the missing billing documents from the Rose Law Firm, are buried where the gas tanks used to be. So, why don't y'all come down to Fayetteville and see us. We could sure use the tourist money. Oh, yeah, sorry, the author says I have to get back to the narrative. OK.

Well, Billy Boy don't remember too much nowadays about bein' president. He just stands by the pool, raking leaves, unaware that the Secret Service men put more leaves by the pool when he isn't looking. This really burns Bill up, because he just gets tired of rakin' them leaves all the time. He keeps mutterin' somethin' about the Myth of Sissyface, but shoot, I never went to college like ol' Bill, so I don't got no idea what he's talkin' about. I'm just the imaginary narrator, and I guess my job's about done.