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Still the group can claim a few successes. There are suddenly seven Democrats running for president and lab tests confirm there's not a dime's worth of difference between them.

Richard Gere won a Golden Globe Sunday for his role in the movie Chicago. It could be a sign. If the American Gigolo can win a Golden Globe for Best Actor, then what's to keep John Kerry from becoming the next President of the United States?

The Dixie Chicks will sing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl. The trio is trying to cross over from country. On the advice of Trent Lott, they're changing the name of the group to Three White Chicks Who are Terribly Sorry about Everything.

Colin Powell told the Security Council Monday that the world must stand firm and not become impotent. That's how competitive the cabinet is. Colin Powell is trying to beat Don Rumsfeld's TV ratings by stealing dialogue from Sex and the City.

Colin Powell was opposed by Germany in Security Council debates Monday. They begged the secretary to allow inspectors time to prevent a war. You know the world has turned upside down when Germans are asking Episcopalians to give peace a chance.

Baghdad offered the U.N. inspectors private interviews with scientists Monday. There's a reason for this newfound compliance. Saddam Hussein finally realized that we already know he takes Viagra and dyes his hair, so the secrets are out.

George Clooney refused to apologize Monday for joking about Charlton Heston's Alzheimer's due to Heston's NRA position. Handguns aren't needed in Hollywood. All it takes to kill somebody in this town are a few well-chosen words to Out Magazine.