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Why Men Are So Damn Cool!!!!
unk | unk | no one has confessed

Posted on 01/18/2003 5:47:15 PM PST by Boot Hill

Why Men are so Damn Cool:

  1. Your rear end is never a factor in a job interview.

  2. Your orgasms are real. Always.

  3. Your last name stays put.

  4. The garage is all yours.

  5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

  6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

  7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

  8. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

  9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

  10. Same work .. more pay.

  11. Wrinkles-add character.

  12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

  13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.

  14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

  15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

  16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

  17. One mood, ALL the damn time.

  18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.

  19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.

  20. You can open all your own jars.

  21. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

  22. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

  23. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

  24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

  25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

  26. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."

  27. No maxi-pads.

  28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

  29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

  30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

  31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.

  32. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

  33. Your belly usually hides your big hips.

  34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

  35. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

  36. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes.

  37. The world is your urinal.



TOPICS: Culture/Society; Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: nosexforyou
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To: Chad Fairbanks
And we can write our names in the snow... THAT is the best part...

BUT the worst part is
you can shake it
you can hit it
you can hit it on the wall
but you got to put it back in your pants
for the last few drops to fall

81 posted on 01/18/2003 10:40:34 PM PST by WKB
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To: Support Free Republic
Excellent list! I could add many more but it's 1:30 in the morning and I've got to grab some sleep so I can be rested up for the big football games tomorrow. (Yeah, that's all I've got going on tomorrow.)

I will add one thing. Men are so cool because we can wake up 15 minutes before we have to leave for work in the morning. That's about how long it takes us to grab a shower, shave, brush our teeth and get dressed.

About haircuts, I'm 40 years old and I still don't know what to say when the barber asks me "how I want it." About the only answer I can come up with is "Make it shorter." I mean, what the heck do you think I'm in there for? Is there any other answer? Jeez.

82 posted on 01/18/2003 10:42:15 PM PST by SamAdams76
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To: ActionNewsBill
2. Your orgasms are real. Always

I've "faked it".

How ? What did you do ? Spit on her back ??

83 posted on 01/18/2003 10:44:05 PM PST by Centurion2000 (Memetic Engineer in training.)
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To: XLurk
Obviously, none of you have attempted any significant small-business entrepreneurial undertaking in the past decade or so - otherwise you would not be denigrating me.

Been there, makes you see the way things are real fast.

BTW, I hope don't own any stocks, the markets are getting ready to drop over the next month to the October lows or lower IMHO. I wish you luck.

84 posted on 01/18/2003 10:44:18 PM PST by disclaimer
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To: disclaimer
... I hope (you) don't own any stocks...

Nah. I'm currently BROKE, see?

I'm more interested in gold and extremely remote, rural land at the moment - and, you know, paying the rent and buying food and stuff...

85 posted on 01/18/2003 10:51:35 PM PST by XLurk
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To: null and void; Brytani; Boot Hill; Gun142; judgeandjury; MonroeDNA
We are all waiting for your tales of individual capitalism...

Hello...Hello...

Anyone OUT there???

Thought not.

86 posted on 01/18/2003 10:57:09 PM PST by XLurk
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To: XLurk
XLurk says:   "Obviously, none of you have attempted any significant small-business entrepreneurial undertaking..."

I thought I made it clear in #58 that I wasn't ragging on you. But I'll bet there are a lot more entrepreneurs here on FR than you appear to give credit for. As for me, I'm currently in the process of putting my second corporation together. Yeah, the government is a pain in the rear, but that's what I keep a lawyer around for, to handle that sort of grief for me.

What was your company's product/service? My current product is still in the development stage. It is a microwave Doppler ballistic chronometer. I need about one more year to have it ready for production. My primary regulatory problem will be with the FCC, but I don't expect that to be a killer. I probably just farm out the "type acceptance" rigmarole with the FCC to an outside contracting firm. Of course, that means at least two more years of rice and beans and listening to my long-suffering wife's jokes to her friends about how I'm "self-unemployed".

Fill me in on your business.

Regards,

Boot Hill

87 posted on 01/18/2003 10:57:39 PM PST by Boot Hill
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To: XLurk
Nah. I'm currently BROKE, see?

I'm more interested in gold and extremely remote, rural land at the moment - and, you know, paying the rent and buying food and stuff...

I was hoping you had a stash for retirement. Just don't give up, there's always a way to make money and survive for now. Starting over bites, but you're starting with knowledge you didn't have before, and the insight that you've gained through experience will pay off. Trust me.

88 posted on 01/18/2003 11:02:41 PM PST by disclaimer
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To: Boot Hill
There goes the thread. :-(
89 posted on 01/18/2003 11:07:08 PM PST by JoeSixPack1 (Somebody stole my tag line! Report stolen or missing tag lines!)
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To: SierraWasp
Howdy SW,

Been a while, how you doin'? I get up to your neck of the woods more often these days, thanks to that new grandson.

--Boot

90 posted on 01/18/2003 11:08:14 PM PST by Boot Hill
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To: Chong
Men ARE cool. Even if they don't know how to answer our question "What are you thinking about?"

We DO know how to answer. It's just that you people don't believe us when we say "nuthin" :)

91 posted on 01/18/2003 11:21:13 PM PST by Tree of Liberty (me man, me cool)
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To: Boot Hill
Why Men Are So Damn Cool!!!!

"So Damn Cool"? I thought
we were after So Damn Hussein!


92 posted on 01/18/2003 11:36:28 PM PST by Sir Montague's devastating wit (Cool and unrelenting!)
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To: Boot Hill
...teetering on the edge of doing something real dumb or self-destructive.....

Nah. I really don't have the energy - nor the inclination - so don't worry.

...signs of impending death...

The major cause of death in males in the US is stress. Only within the past 6 months have I understood this at a personal visceral level. So for the past 2.5 months I have been 'pro-actively relaxing' and catching up on all the sleep I've lost over the past decade - so don't worry.

This is obviously not conducive to productivity / profitability - but then neither is death.

..when you've lost your ability to learn...

Did you know that Bundt Cakes didn't exist until the 1960s?
Learned that yesterday. (I thought Betsy Ross invented 'em)

... when you've lost your sense of adventure...

This coming week I'll replace the radiator - then beeline for the mountains. I've camped / backpacked in the winter before - and nearly froze to death. Ya just need the appropriate clothing (which I have), I REALLY need the break.

...And the final sign is when you've lost your sense of humor....

My dad always used to say: 'There ain't no use in complaining - because half the folks don't care, and the other half figure that you got it coming to you anyway...'

...Revenge....comes of your brain. A calm cool rational and disciplined (but maniacal) brain....

I don't want revenge - I just want to fix my country so that I can live a sane, peaceful, free, happy life. This does not seem possible in the current context. I just want to be left alone to be a productive person - but I am now terrorized by my government.

...we can save the tar and feathering of the SOB's 'til later....

I have heard this for decades - nevertheless, let me know when it's time.

93 posted on 01/18/2003 11:38:01 PM PST by XLurk
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To: rocknotsand
I had a similar problem with metric. The 30 centimeter ruler I was using had the minor divisions in 1/2, 1/4, 1/8 and 1/16ths, while the one foot ruler had the minor divisions in 1/10ths. :-)

--Boot

94 posted on 01/19/2003 12:01:17 AM PST by Boot Hill
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To: XLurk
"This coming week I'll replace the radiator - then beeline for the mountains. I've camped / backpacked in the winter before - and nearly froze to death. Ya just need the appropriate clothing (which I have), I REALLY need the break."

That camping trip sounds like a real smart move. I used to take my boys up to the Sierras during winter and XC ski and camp the Muir Trail. We froze our tails off too (-10 sort of stuff), until we wised up about our sleeping bags.

Which mountains?

--Boot Hill

95 posted on 01/19/2003 12:06:12 AM PST by Boot Hill
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To: XLurk
OK, here's my 2 cents:

I'm an entrepreneur, trying to put together a business, here in Canada. You think you've got problems with government BS down there? Try coming up here fer a while! At this point, I can only dream of doing business in the US.

And I'm also on a tight budget now. Sucks? Of course, but when you're an entrepreneur, you "suck it up, princess". Being an entrepreneur means solving problems - endlessly!
If you don't like that part, you get a regular job working for somebody else. But once you get the rush of being on you own, it's hard to give it up.

As another poster on FR said recently, hate only consumes the hater. If you wannna get rid of some of your anger, rant off on some of these threads! Not blind anger, but logical, directed anger - you'll probably find some sympathetic fellow posters, and the whole experience will be therapeutic. (BTW, hate causes a lot of stress, too!)

Good Luck, and keep posting!
96 posted on 01/19/2003 12:07:52 AM PST by canuck_conservative (The good things never come easy - that's why they're worth it)
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To: disclaimer; Boot Hill
...I'll bet there are a lot more entrepreneurs here on FR than you appear to give credit for...

I was implying nothing of the sort. I was merely replying to a certain few individuals.

...I was hoping you had a stash for retirement...

Retirement, HELL! I'm not even 40 yet.

I have a definite vision of the family of products I am creating. I have been working towards this goal for over 15 years.

It is interesting that the vast majority of people never move more than 30 miles from where they were born. I have lived all over this country. Concurrently, most people have NO IDEA of what they are trying to achieve - if they are trying to achieve anything at all.

I am talking about CREATING something - not just paying the mortgage, etc., etc., blah, blah. I am talking about THE CREATION OF TECHNOLOGICAL PRODUCTS - thereby ADVANCING THE HUMAN RACE to higher levels of productivity and experience.

The inventive / creative / truly productive segment of the human population is measured as a fraction of a percent. We support all of these brainless fools - and receive significant abuse for it.

Personally, I feel that everyone around me - even society itself - has attempted to thwart, impede, and destroy me. But I will not be stopped.

We continue on to realize our visions - because we are driven - and frankly, deranged. We have no choice in the matter - just as we have no choice in the fight against tyranny and injustice - and FOR freedom and liberty. All of the irrational, tyrannical, morons can - and will - burn in Hell.

WE are that which does, and always has, kept humanity alive on this planet. I am not ready to quit or retire as yet. I feel that my health can still be repaired.

...the insight that you've gained through experience will pay off...

DAMN STRAIGHT -

1. Choose your business partners VERY CAREFULLY.

2. If at all possible, DON'T HAVE any business partners.

3. Trust YOUR OWN JUDGEMENT - let NO ONE ELSE sway you.

How's that for starters?

97 posted on 01/19/2003 12:21:21 AM PST by XLurk
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To: Boot Hill
...Which mountains?...

Nothern Sierra somewhere. I'll head up 395 out of Reno.

98 posted on 01/19/2003 12:30:23 AM PST by XLurk
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To: XLurk
XLurk says:   "The major cause of death in males in the US is stress."

Might be, but it is ALL, 100%, self-induced. I don't mean you caused the stressful circumstance, I mean that only YOU can permit the a bad circumstance to be internalized as stress. It would seem like the only disease where your mind-set can control whether or not you get it.

Stressful situations and humor:
About 13 years ago my wife and I were on a TACA Airlines 737 flying around Central America. Through ignorance and incompetence the pilot took the plane within one or two seconds of eating the wrong end of a box canyon deep in the Guatemalan jungles. When my wife saw what almost happened she turned to me calmly and said: Wow, we darn near lost our frequent flyer miles there".

Short of loosing a loved one, there is no situation so serious that you can't make it better by finding the light side and laughing at it. Life doesn't get worth living until you look the grim reaper dead in the eye and make a wise crack about who the hell his tailor is.

There is a trick to learning how to do that. Think of some famous deadly event, you know, like the sinking of the Titanic or the crash of the shuttle Challenger. Imagine yourself on board and you turn to the captain and quip....what?...Hey, Captain, you know the last thing that going to go through your mind? A halibut! (drum roll) Now your turn. Try it.

--Boot Hill

99 posted on 01/19/2003 12:34:47 AM PST by Boot Hill
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To: canuck_conservative
....Being an entrepreneur means solving problems - endlessly! ....

Lord Almighty.

You can only do so if you both have the resources and ARE ALLOWED to solve them.

Here in the USA around 90% of all private sector jobs are provided by small businesses. We support the whole damn circus.

WHY ARE THEY TRYING TO KILL US?

Because they are irrational MORONS, that's why.
Somehow - and I don't know how - we have to teach these fools the nature of reality.

Good luck to you up in snow country - and thanks for your input and encouragement.

100 posted on 01/19/2003 12:38:16 AM PST by XLurk
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