Over-parenting

Scripps Howard News Service ^ | 1/2/03 | BETSY HART

[Valin]

When I was visibly very pregnant with my second child, I appeared on a news program with a woman billed as a "child advocate." During the commercial break we chatted and she asked me about the impending birth.

Knowing a few things about "child advocates" I rather mischievously responded that this was my second baby, so my husband and I were then a third of the way to our goal of six. Just as I suspected, she was shaken and abruptly responded, "Six! How will you ever give so many children individual attention?" I responded, "I don't know - I guess they'll just give one another attention." My "child advocate" friend was singularly unimpressed with that answer.

[Gophack]

My 9 year old was like that. She didn't want to go to college until I told here there were two good colleges within driving distance of our house. Now, she's fine with it, and she's "thinking" about maybe going away to college. The "thinking" about it occurred after our son was born and she now has to share a room with her 6 year old sister ... :-)

[Gophack]

My question is, what does everyone ELSE think of your kids?

Excellent points. I can be very critical of my kids, though I do think that they are wonderful and smart. However, I judge how well I'm doing by what their friends parents say after play dates. "She was so good, no fighting, respectful, etc". My kids are usually better away from home than at home!

[WIladyconservative]

But, I also tell them no, I'm busy; I'm cooking; I'm resting; I'm taking a private bath and if you come into my bathroom you'd better be bleeding.

I have a friend (with two teenage boys) who wanted some time alone with his wife. He told them BOTH that they better BOTH be on fire to interrupt them, because if only one was on fire, the other boy could put him out! I still laugh at that!

[Question_Assumptions]

It all went down hill once children started calling adults by their first name.

[fightinJAG]

Also many couples complain that when their kids go off to college, they, the parents, discover they have no social life, no friends, no nothing.

One woman told me that once she stopped being active in the marching band boosters, she realized she had no contact with adults at all.

My parents had two sets of life-long friends. They spent quality time with these people and demonstrated to us kids how to have a wonderful friendship that was "forever."

Now my parents are gone and my husband and I are very good friends with my parents' friends! What a wonderful legacy.

[fightinJAG]

I really have a hard time when my sister lets my 13-year-old niece hang on her while we are talking and even interject herself into our conversations, which often, by necessity, must be about very adult things, such as arrangements for putting a relative into a nursing home.

I'm not advocating "children should be seen and not heard," but I think children should be taught that they are not yet adults. It is not a positive thing for them to get the impression that they are adults when they are not.

[independentmind]

Great article. And spot on.

[winodog]

I struggle with that one. I hate to tell him to go play everytime we have company but we are talking about adult things and a lot of it is gossip and stuff about work that he does not need to be concerned with so I often tell him to go play.
Once in awhile I let him set in but I dont think it is good for him. It cause him to worry about things a 10 year old should have no idea exists. His world should be all about play, getting by in school and learning to get along with others, not participating in conversations with adults

[WIladyconservative]

We're off to a Round Robin tomorrow with pals from High School (24 years ago). Every year we get together with 4 other couples from that era and catch up. Once the kiddies are all gone, I'm sure we'll get together more often. It's important to live a life with something other than children as its focus for a change!

[gd124]

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