Satire: Most Popular U.S. Baby Names [for Black, White and Asian students in U.S.]

The Onion ^ | December 25, 2002 issue | The Onion Staff

[summer]

Note: As I said in my post #1, this Onion article is actually quite accurate. Also:

Job Search Harder With "Black" Name

[BOOTSTICK]

I know several blacks with unusual names included are ; females-Clorine-Chloradane-Female'{Fa-mol-aye}-Bagina, for the Males- Lemonjello {Le-monj-a-low}- Orangejello {or-onje-e-low}-they are twins by the way.

[summer]

Lemonjello {Le-monj-a-low}- Orangejello {or-onje-e-low}-they are twins by the way

You obviously didn't read this thread, as the above was mentioned numerous times by others.

[SerpentDove]

I personally know someone I work with who named her son "Raider."

She went to Texas Tech--the Red Raiders.

Sickening, but true. White as snow.

[Xenalyte]

My brother, who goes by "Tom," changed his name from "Thomas" to "Thom" (pronounced just like "Tom").

Oh, man, if I worked with him, I'd be pronouncing it just like it's spelled - same consonants as "thumb." There's no reason to go gumming up a perfectly good name.

[Xenalyte]

I dunno, I've always liked Emmenthal and Chardonnay!

We just bought a house on Chardonnay, in the Epernay subdivision of Houston. Not being a white-wine drinker, I'd have preferred an address on Big-Ass Beer Street, but you can't have everything.

[Revolting cat!]

in the Epernay subdivision of Houston.

What kind of grape variety is Epernay? Or is that a French aperitif, like Pernod?

[Xenalyte]

You called?

[Xenalyte]

No, but I've got a grand daughter with a "made-up, feel good name"....Brendle; she's 10 and not yet noticeable contaminated by such weirdness!

It's not made up, just misspelled. "Brindle" is a term used to describe fur color in dogs and horses, denoting a mixture of brown and black/gray fur.

[Xenalyte]

have you noticed that PETS are now getting normal human names? The Rottweiler next door is named Mary!!!! Maybe everything is cycical....

My three cats (acquired pre-boyfriend) are Sabrina (known familiarly as Dolly), Tabitha (called Spot 'cause she has a big tabby spot on each side), and Dennis.

Dennis got his name serendipitously. He'd wandered into my place while I was painting the kitchen one Wednesday, and no one on the block would admit to owning him, so I adopted the big ole tom.

That Friday evening, I was flipping through the baby-name book, drinking a glass of merlot, and watching Dennis Miller Live on HBO (that should date it). Just as my eyes lit on "Dennis," and the definition said "lover of fine wine," the cat came up and knocked over my merlot glass.

Too many coincidences . . . Dennis he was, and is.

[Xenalyte]

My father wanted to name me Penelope Candace and call me "Penny Candy" as a nickname. My mother wouldn't let him.

You lucked out! My little brother's first girlfriend was named - no lie - Candy Bush.

[Xenalyte]

This is Antawn Jamison. It's pronounced Ant-wahn. Why is it spelled that way? He admits it's because his Mom couldn't spell and she didn't bother to make sure she spelled her kid's name correctly.

Which leads me to ask why the HELL Brett Favre pronounces his last name "farv", flipping the consonants?

[PatrioticAmerican]

"Asians enroll their kids using anglo names as a courtesy to white parents, so they won't feel so bad when they see the Honor Roll."

LOL!!! So true!

[Xenalyte]

You can find some odd names for the characters at a "Renaissance" festival that don't sound at all like anything out of the Renaissance.

Like Henry Tudor and Katherine of Aragon, Anne and Mary Boleyn, Henry Howard, and Robert Dudley (characters at my home faire) - freakish, eh?

[CyberCowboy777]

I have named my three boys - Brian Eugene, David Allen and Benjamin Lloyd.

Each of the middle names are family names. Two first names are Biblical and one (Brian) is my middle name. I liked that for my first born over a Jr.

Of course my mom decided to go weird with the spelling of my name: Keath

[Xenalyte]

It's a champagne-producing region in France, I think.

[m18436572]

Ever heard of a Lemonjelo? Mabey Oranjelo?

[BradyLS]

BradyLS said: You can find some odd names for the characters at a "Renaissance" festival that don't sound at all like anything out of the Renaissance.

Then Xenalyte replies: Like Henry Tudor and Katherine of Aragon, Anne and Mary Boleyn, Henry Howard, and Robert Dudley (characters at my home faire) - freakish, eh?

No, those don't sound very freaky to me at all. But I said some, not all. And odd, not freaky. Here are a couple examples, but not the ones I was thinking of... ;-) :-D

"2001 was my first season to work at the Texas Renaissance Festival: Xen Shadowhawk, warrior of the She-Wolves, a bit too fond of strong drink, clad in leather and something that looked like brass and armed with quarterstaff and chakram to fight for justice.

"This season, I present Tatharalla Maquissar Lindariel, elven high marshal to Queen Sylwen Lassethule Vanatari, leader of the Anareldar. Those who are permitted may call her Ralla."

Those are a indeed a pair of odd names that I would be at a loss to find equals to in the Renaissance. :-)

[jackbill]

I thought that Sinutab was a medication.

[myself808]

its intersting how you use white=American, the Onion survey says white names yet you all interchange American with white,
just a little observation....