Satire: Most Popular U.S. Baby Names [for Black, White and Asian students in U.S.]

The Onion ^ | December 25, 2002 issue | The Onion Staff

[FreedomCalls]

Wasn't Caleb some dude in the Old Testament?

Here he is in Numbers.

Numbers 13:6
from the tribe of Judah, Caleb son of Jephunneh;

He's definately an ancestor of the Israelis. Probably Likud at that.

Numbers 13:
30 Then Caleb silenced the people before Moses and said, "We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it."
31 But the men who had gone up with him said, "We can't attack those people; they are stronger than we are."

[maxwell]

Yep, I thought he was circa Joshua...

[FreedomCalls]

At least Virginia, Georgia, and Carolina are names that have been around for a while.

And of course you know that "Virginia Dare" was the name of the first white baby born in North America.

[dogbyte12]

latrina smith, 2 latrina johnson's and a latrina white in Texas. 9 so far. Texas also has 2 Queen King's... and 4 Royal Kings.

I wonder if any of the Latrinas went to school with each other. How would you like to be referred to as Latrina #1 or #2?

[Gracey]

The late Miss Ima Hogg had no brother.

You're on your toes. I had to throw in the "brother" just for laughs. Maybe "his" name was "Ura" Hogg??? Have a good day, and New Year.

G2

[summer]

P.S., you may have to do some apologizing on BET for starting this thread

Nope, no apologies from me. I stand by my comments throughout this thread.

Furthermore, I suggest this to BET: pay for a study to find out if an invented first name for a black child (i.e., "LaTissue")is more or less likely to land that kid in special education classes in public schools.

Names, as several posters noted, have implications.

And, while teachers should be unbiased, and have high expectations for all students, a child named "Regret" or "LaTissue" will probably find him or herself on the special ed list and in special ed classes a lot faster than a kid named "Alan" or "Lisa" despite all other indicators being equal.

Do I think this is fair? No.

Do I think my above theory is true? Yes.

So, no apologies from me, dear Alan! :)

[summer]

P.S., you may have to do some apologizing on BET for starting this thread

Nope, no apologies from me. I stand by my comments throughout this thread.

Furthermore, I suggest this to BET: pay for a study to find out if an invented first name for a black child (i.e., "LaTissue")is more or less likely to land that kid in special education classes in public schools.

Names, as several posters noted, have implications.

And, while teachers should be unbiased, and have high expectations for all students, a child named "Regret" or "LaTissue" will probably find him or herself on the special ed list and in special ed classes a lot faster than a kid named "Alan" or "Lisa" despite all other indicators being equal.

Do I think this is fair? No.

Do I think my above theory is true? Yes.

So, no apologies from me, dear Alan! :)

[MoralSense]

Finally, somebody picked up Rolonzo Philectron! See my post about 100 back.

[VOA]

For once The Onion indulges itself in a little reality reporting.

[StayAt HomeMother]

In my quick look at this thread I have not noticed that anyone mentioned the blurb on one of the national networks' evening news shows a few weeks ago about baby names in comparison to the last Presidential election. It claimed the most popular girls' names were Madison and Emily and then created a red-blue state map. Supposedly, there is a rather strong correlation in which states where "Emily" was first tended to vote for Gore, while "Madison" states went for Bush.

Anyone else see this? Can anyone verify this information before Freepers start renaming all their Emilies?

[FreedomCalls]

...you may have to do some apologizing on BET...

Not when BET is home to the most racist show on TV. Cita is far more of an degrading racial stereotype than Steppin Fetchit ever was.

[summer]

Hee Hee. The results remind me of an old lesbian joke.

In this case, "I think I may be Asian"!

That reminds of a time I was in an unbelievably bad and corrupt situation in NY, not of my own making, and I asked friends what they would do. Two of my more religious friends gave me the following advice:

"Well, as a Christian, I say: You should turn the other cheek."

(I did not find the above answer helpful at that moment, despite the fact I too am a Christian.)

My other religious friend said: "Well, as a Jew, I say: AN EYE FOR AN EYE..."

To which I replied: "I think I am actually Jewish."

[TontoKowalski]

I always thought Emily was a nice name. I had no idea it had democratic implications. Hey, wait a minute! Emily's List! I should have known.

I've heard of several black boys named Dante, which I find rather interesting. Is there some cultural connection to that name, other than the obvious literary one?

Back around the time Roots came out on TV, Kunta Kinte was a common selection for black children. I thought it a little trendy, but it did seem to have some authenticity. Mr. Haley didn't make that name up, did he?

[summer]

Would you want Dr. Dakota Jones performing surgery on you? Would you hire Montana Smith as your attorney? Sounds like pro ballplayers or the children of aging hippies to me. Not that I'm opinionated or anything. ;-)

All I know is I do not want a president named "LaTissue" in this international climate we are in trying to fight terrorists. I'm sorry. I truly try to be unbiased, but that name is it for me. If an American presidetial candidate named "LaTissue" was not bright enough to legally change that name by the time he or she is running for office, there is no way in h*ll that candidate is getting my vote.

[summer]

presidetial = presidential

[TontoKowalski]

That reminds of a time I was in an unbelievably bad and corrupt situation in NY, not of my own making...

OK, spill it, you tease!

[snopercod]

When I was a test conductor at Kennedy Space Center, one of my jobs was making operational pages [public address] for people involved in ongoing testing. You know, like like, "Joe Smith, Orbiter Hydraulics, call 2495..." or something like that. The pages went out over the entire Space Center or selected areas only depending on what buttons we pushed.

Sometimes we had to wince when we paged certain people. Like "Dick Trickle" for instance...[really]. Then of course there were the guys and gals who worked in the hazardous gas detection system, or "haz gas" for short. We'd page, "Sally Jones, Haz Gas, call 1235".

We also had a manager named Phil Lageos, which sounded a lot like "fallatio" when it came out over the speakers. That was always fun.

[Polybius]

Well, there is of course the village of Camerone, near Puebla and Vera Cruz. But it may be more common as a name for French citizens, or those veterans anciens with a connection to France, than to Mexicans.

I did a little research and found this link: LA BATALLA DEL CAMARON

It turns out that "Camarone" is the French corruption of the town's real name which was "Camarón" meaning "Shrimp-(singular)"........

"....la tercera compañía cruzó por la aldea del Camarón, o Camerone, como la bautizaron los franceses"

....the Third Company crossed through the village of Camarón, or as the French baptized it, "Camarone".

So, the Mexicans refer to "La Batalla del Camarón" and the French refer to "La Bataille de Camerone".

The inscription on the monument the Mexicans now have at the battle site honoring their French foes is quite noble:

“Aquí estuvieron menos de sesenta opuestos a todo un ejército. La vida abandonó a estos soldados franceses antes que el coraje el 30 de abril de 1863”....."Here were less than sixty fighting an entire army. Life abandoned these French soldiers before courage did on the 30th of April of 1863."

[summer]

LOL...no, only ONE 300+ thread from me, per Saturday! That's my limit!!!

Tonto, you always me make me laugh... thanks. :)

[FreedomCalls]

400 now!