Satire: Most Popular U.S. Baby Names [for Black, White and Asian students in U.S.]

The Onion ^ | December 25, 2002 issue | The Onion Staff

[Stultis]

My brother, who goes by "Tom," changed his name from "Thomas" to "Thom" (pronounced just like "Tom"). He was working in the corporate world at the time, and reasoned that this would make him more memorable. (Unnecessary, probably, as he was a standout in his job performance and personal skills.)

[Prolix]

"BTW - when I was growing up, Newport was the choice of cigarettes among African Americans."

When I was growing up the favorite was Cools. I don't know if this brand still exists

[TroutStalker]

When my nephew and his Filipino wife had a daughter, my wife asked what was her name. Since they hadn't decided, I answered "none yet." My wife thought it was Nunyette.

[Erasmus]

His name was/is Gordon Gordon Gordon.

His folks must have gotten the idea from Joseph Heller's Catch-22. He had a character whose family, middle, and given names were all "Major." You can guess rank he was:

Major Major Major Major.

<)B^)

[summer]

you should take a refresher course

Or, maybe you should buy a dictionary and look up the word I used: "Opinion." Then you would know I do not need a "refresher course" to have an opinion. Good luck with your studies!

[TontoKowalski]

Lol, I knew a gal in the Navy, her name was Candy Valentino. She was sweet looking too.

Was she in the Navy, or were you? If the answer is "you" then I'm sure Candy Valentino was a stripper.

I'd have to say the name "Crystal" reeks of the trailer park.

Ooh, and just when I was about to go with Tiffany as trashiest name. Now that you've reminded my, I vote for my favorite spelling variation of your suggestion: Crystyl.

[summer]

RE your post #223 - LOL...

[TN4Liberty]

"...their three sons Rocky, Clay, and Dusty."

I know of a family with four sons... Houston, Dallas, Austin, and Tyler. Sad part is they are in Tennessee.

[gitmo]

The White and Black lists are notable for the complete lack of Biblical names--the Asian list has a majority of them or their derivatives.

I was working in retail once, and noticed that a black client's name was Obadiah. I commented he was named after the Old Testament prophet. The guy started stomping around, cussing, and throwing things. He got so mad he left without making his purchase.

I thought it was a compliment.

[Revolting cat!]

Regarding "urban legends". I have long noticed that whenever the truth is slightly uncomfortable to digest in our culture, it gets branded as "urban legend", or "anecdotal evidence", so that can be conveniently swept under the rug and forgotten. Yeah, I have seen Latrina myself, even if that makes me a, gasp, "RACIST"! "Urban legend" itself is an urban legend, me thinks!

[summer]

Yes, I can tell by reading this thread who on this thread teaches in today's schools, or reads today's newspapers -- and, who has not been inside a classroom in years, nor read baby anouncements for at least a decade. :)

[Polybius]

"Cameron" ought to be deleted with increasing knowledge of Spanish...it is the Spanish word for "shrimp."

Actually, "camaron" with an "a" after the "m" means shrimp.

"Cameron" doesn't mean anything in Spanish except that "camero" means a large bed so "cameron" would be the Spanish equivalent of "big bedder", whatever that would mean in either language. We can leave that up to the imagination.

"Cameron" however does have Scottish roots as in Clan Cameron .

[gitmo]

The sailor said, "Brandi, you're a fine girl. What a good wife you would be. But the love, the love of my life, is the sea."

[SW6906]

Boy, I sure am disappointed to see all of the dumping on the name Madison on this thread. I think the name Madison for a girl is a strong name, a leadership name, not a cutesie name like Kimberly or Brianna or Ashleigh. We named our daughter Madison nearly seven years ago because we liked the way it sounded, that simple (and no, my last neame is not Snodgrass, although I sit right next to a Snodgrass at work! LOL). We thought it was somewhat unique, but once she hit pre-school, we learned it was quite popular starting about the time she was born. Now she has quite the common name.

[Amelia]

I hate to post my class lists...seems somewhat unprofessional. I will say that I've seen a bunch of names it took me a while to pronounce (and a few where I tried & the kid said something like, "YOU will NEVER be able to say it, call me Keisha."), but I've never seen Orangello, Lemongello, Placenta, Vagina, etc.

There was also the class with 3 Jennifers and 2 Jessicas...

[Kevin Curry]

Cykznziewskis and Madison Jablonsczkys . . . why not 'Lipshitz' or 'Snodgrass'?"

Lipshitz Cykzniewskis.

Brrrrr!

BTW, I once heard about immigrant Jewish brothers who went into the furniture moving business and just about went bankrupt until they figured out that "Slipsky Bros. Moving & Storage" was not inspiring confidence among potential customers.

BTW, doesn't Johnnie Cochrane have a ne'er-do-well brother whose first name is beyond bizarre?

[csvset]

We were both in the Navy. She wasn't a stripper, but she easily could have been. :)

[Trickyguy]

Which is the white kid--Tylenol, Advil, Skippy.

[kaylar]

I used to transfer hardcopy medical records to microfiche. We all used to laugh about how all the children were getting the exact same names : Brittany Morgan, Morgan Brittany, Ashley Dawn, Madison, Dakota, Taylor/Tyler....One good thing came out of this : One of my coworkers was pregnant, and her husband wanted to go with Morgan Brittany or Brittany Morgan. She persuaded him into a "normal" name, due to the knowledge she'd gained of how common those 'unusual' names really are.

I found in the med records

Twin girls named Summer Dawn and Autumn Eve

And June Dawn, born late at night in November.

[summer]

Are you telling me you actually know three kids with those names?