Dude, I've got some really bad news

Two teenagers stole a car and went joyriding around Buffalo Grove, Ill., while recording their excellent adventure on a video camera.

They ultimately abandoned the vehicle but forgot to take the camera with them. Police solved this one easily.

Police nabbed a woman for trying to put on her makeup as she was driving down I-94 in Fergus Falls, Minn.

A routine check revealed she was wanted in North Dakota because she skipped out on a subpoena to testify at her former boyfriend's murder trial.

Police showed up at a wedding in Cache County, Utah, and arrested the groom for having sex with two 14-year-old girls.

A burglary suspect being pursued by an Indiana policeman left his car and ran behind a nearby church.

The cop pulled over and ran after him. The suspect circled around the building, went back to the road and stole the police cruiser. He was arrested a few days later.

A 105-year-old woman who resides at the Grimtunet nursing home in Kristiansand, Norway, constantly complained about the food. Sometime she would begin even before she tasted it.

Officials said she was upsetting other residents and ruining their appetites. So they barred her from the dining room and ordered her to take all her meals in her room. They relented when the episode became public.

Two middle-aged men went on a 50-mile road race through the countryside in Nottinghamshire, England, but forgot their glasses. They fell far behind the other runners and then were unable to read their map or the route signposts to catch up.

They wound up going around in circles, and ran an extra 20 miles before getting to the finish line 18 hours after they started.

A maid in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, had been stealing from her employer for years - cash and jewelry totaling tens of thousands of dollars.

The thefts went unnoticed until she took the expensive slippers belonging to her boss, who searched the maid's room and found the loot.

Air traffic controllers at the airport in Milan, Italy, are accused of regularly leaving their posts to go outside and play soccer while they were supposed to be on duty.

The defense attorney for some of the 67 defendants said they were guilty only of ``bad habits.''

A 14-year-old British schoolgirl, vacationing with her family last spring in the Black Sea resort town of Marmaris, was smitten with a Turkish bartender 10 years older than she.

Despite the fact that she is too young, she returned earlier this month to marry him. The parents alerted Interpol, and the man was arrested.

Read a second Looking Glass column on the Internet at www.pingreeslookingglass.com. E-mail: mpingree@bostonherald.com

Huh?

It's the line that follows this one.

It's Groucho as Captain Spaulding in "Animal Crackers".

Here's the whole exchange:

In front of a large audience of guests in the film's most legendary and memorable scene, Captain Spaulding recounts a hilarious account of his adventurous African safari:

Spaulding: Africa is God's country, and He can have it. Well, sir, we left New York drunk and early on the morning of February 2nd. After fifteen days on the water and six on the boat, we finally arrived on the shores of Africa. We at once proceeded three hundred miles into the heart of the jungle, where I shot a polar bear. This bear was six foot seven in his stocking feet and had shoes on...

Mrs. Rittenhouse:Pardon me. Just a moment, Captain, just a moment. I always thought that polar bears lived in the frozen North.

Spaulding: Oh you did! Well, this bear was anemic and he couldn't stand the cold climate. He was a rich bear and he could afford to go away for the winter. You take care of your animals and I'll take care of mine. Frozen North, my eye! From the day of our arrival, we led an active life. The first morning saw us up at six, breakfasted, and back in bed at seven - this was our routine for the first three months. We finally got so we were back in bed at six thirty. One morning, I was sitting in front of the cabin, smoking some meat.

Mrs. Rittenhouse: Smoking some meat?

Spaulding: Yes. There wasn't a cigar store in the neighborhood. As I say, I was sitting in front of the cabin when I bagged six tigers.

Mrs. Rittenhouse: Oh, Captain!

Spaulding: Six of the biggest tigers...

Mrs. Rittenhouse: Captain, did you catch six tigers?

Spaulding: I bagged them. I...I bagged them to go away, but they hung around all afternoon. They were the most persistent tigers I've ever seen. The principal animals inhabiting the African jungle are moose, elks and Knights of Pythias. Of course, you all know what a moose is. That's big game. The first day, I shot two bucks. That was the biggest game we had. As I say, you all know what a moose is? A moose runs around on the floor, and eats cheese, and is chased by the cats. The Elks, on the other hand live up in the hills, and in the spring they come down for their annual convention. It is very interesting to watch them come to the water hole. And you should see them run when they find it is only a water hole. What they're looking for is an al-co-hole (or Elk-o-hole). One morning, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I don't know. Then we tried to remove the tusks...but they were embedded in so firmly that we couldn't budge them. So we took him to Alabama. Of course, in Alabama, the Tusk-a-loosa. But, uh, that's entirely irrelephant to what I was talking about. We took some pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed, but we're going back again in a couple of weeks.

As a side note to all Freepers...interesting line about the moose eating cheese..isn't it?

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.