Ann Coulter's Revenge

The Conning Tower ^ | 11/6/02 | Trentino

[Davis]

ANN COULTER'S REVENGE

We know how the voters voted, and we assume that the one-half or so of those eligible to vote who actually voted represent with reasonable accuracy the remainder who did not. That's a reasonable assumption. Yes, we've got the numbers. What we don't know is what motivated the voters to vote as they did, that is, we are ignorant of the precipitating causes of the actions we can see and count.

Ignorance is no reason to avoid the responsibility of pontificating about the election. The NYTimes, the Gray Lady of West 43rd Street, the Newspaper of Record, evidently decided that ignorance ought not to stand in the way of its news coverage. Its six-column banner headline trumpets:

G.O.P. RETAKES CONTROL OF THE SENATE IN A SHOW OF RESIDENTIAL INFLUENCE...

Ain't that great! The Times knows. It was presidential influence that done the deed.

Of course the truth of this causation theory cannot be proved empirically, and it's meaningless anyway. Lotta Democrats won, too. Why did presidential influence not wield a mighty arm and strike down Frank Lautenberg as it did Walter Mondale? Why did it succeed in Missouri and fail in Arkansas? All the headline says is, the President's party won. Which we all knew as soon as the numbers were in. But why should the Times be bothered by tautologies?the president's party won because the President's party won. Why not some alternative headlines like these?

G.O.P. RETAKES CONTROL OF THE SENATE IN A SHOW OF REJECTION OF STALE LEFTIST IDEAS ... or

CONSERVATIVE BLOGGERS INVIGORATE ELECTORATE; G.O.P. RETAKES CONTROL OF THE SENATE or

DEMS IN DISARRAY, LACK COHERENT IDEAS; G.O.P. RETAKES CONTROL OF THE SENATE or

VOTERS REJECT BARBRA STREISAND AND APPEASEMENT OF TYRANTS; G.O.P. RETAKES CONTROL OF THE SENATE.

MCAULIFFE AND DEMS INFECTED BY HUBRIS; G.O.P. RETAKES CONTROL OF THE SENATE.

ANN COULTER'S REVENGE: G.O.P. RETAKES CONTROL OF THE SENATE.

See how easy it is. A gold bingo and Honorable Mention in The Conning Tower to the best headlines submitted to www.atrentino.com before midnight, ET, Monday, November 11.

[Davis]

Check out "Appreciating Ann Coulter" here... http://www.atrentino.com/ConningOCT.html

[ChadGore]

Whole lotta Ann goin' on.

[Slyfox]

Ahhh, the stunned looks on the faces of all the info-babes and bubala's. I know we're not supposed to gloat, but man, we deserve to feel something after having to witness the perpetual smugocity of those overpaid newsreaders.

[jackd]

Gee, I guess Donahue will have to move to Ghana, become an American-African, live off the state welfare system and blame everything on "those damn black people!"

How's that for a headline:
G.O.P. WINS CONTROL OF SENATE; DONAHUE AND STREISAND FLEE TO GHANA

[Davis]

Even more enjoyable than the stunned looks on their faces are their lame excuses as this essay points out.

How do you spell L-A-M-E?

[Davis]

That's not a headline it's a wonderful dream!

[Yankee]

Or as the Washington ComPost always spins such events:

GOP TAKES CONTROL. WOMEN AND MINORITIES HARDEST HIT.

[Davis]

Is that an actual headline?

[sauropod]

Stop it! I'm in love!

[hrhdave]

You're in love with Ann, too. C'mon, step aside, we've been waiting for weeks. Not fair. Wait your turn.

[Cicero]

How about:

ALL OF THE ABOVE: G.O.P. RETAKES CONTROL OF THE SENATE

[Fledermaus]

Oooh, thanks. I can't get enough of Ann! She's so cute...but she could use a few more pounds for my taste! lol

[aruanan]

"EHH, WHAT THE HELL!!" VOTERS' INEXPLICABLE URGE TO REVERSE HISTORY OF OFF-YEAR ELECTIONS--G.O.P. RETAKES CONTROL OF THE SENATE.

[sauropod]

Uh, I'm FIRST in line. Have been for a long time.

Even have film footage of meself and her in front of the hotel where the White House Correspondance Assn dinner took place this year.

she didn;t mind that i was in a dress.

Media Whore Madam

[Davis]

Dan Rather's remark...

"What is this? The Bushification of America?"

[hrhdave]

Line forms at the Right, pal.

Miss Coulter has a dandy column out today. She suggests that the Democratic Party take a new name: the Abortion Party or the Adultery Party. I have doubts the Dems will act on her suggestion. She always manages to get them sooooo mad.

[sauropod]

OK bud. Where;s YOUR pic of hrhdave with AC, hmmmmmmmm...........?

[nutmeg]

Even have film footage of meself and her in front of the hotel where the White House Correspondance Assn dinner took place this year.

she didn;t mind that i was in a dress.

Media Whore Madam

ROTFL! I was there... I was a witness! :-D

[nutmeg]

Thanks for the ping on this thread.

Sauropod: Congrats again on Bob Ehrlich's win in Maryland... I'm still stunned and SO HAPPY about the outcome of that race! Marylanders will have to come up with a new name for the state... Soon it will no longer be The People's Republic of MD or The Socialist Republic of MD!