[DaughterOfAnIwoJimaVet]

No wait! This is better. (Did you fall off? LOL)

[tomkow6]

You know that all potatoes have eyes . . . Well, Mr. and Mrs. Potato had eyes for each other. They finally got married and had a little one -- a real SWEET POTATO whom they called "Yam." They wanted the best for little Yam, telling her all about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting Half Baked because she could get Mashed, get a bad name like Hot Potato, and then end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.
She said not to worry -- no Mr. McSpud would get her in the sack and make a Rotten Potato out of her! But she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either. She would get plenty of food and exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins. Mr. and Mrs. Potato even warned Yam, before sending her to Europe, to watch out for the Hard Boiled guys from Ireland and the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. They also said that she should watch out for the Indians, when going out west, because
she could get Scalloped.
Mr. and Mrs. Potato wanted the best for Yam, so they sent her to "Idaho P.U." (Potato University) from which the Big Potatoes come; then, when she graduated, she'd really be in the Chips. But one day she came home and told them she was going to marry Walter Cronkite. Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset. They told her that she couldn't marry him, because he's just a . . .

COMMON TATER!

[tomkow6]

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

[tomkow6]

Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank - proving once and for all that:
you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.