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Democrats grow meat in a vat to replace Torricelli on the ballot
9/30/02
| dead
Posted on 09/30/2002 3:13:23 PM PDT by dead
A group of Democratic political scientists are growing a pile of artificial meat in a drum in Rahway, New Jersey, grooming the meat as their final hope to save the Senate from the horror of Republican control.
Using collagen particles and human muscle cells taken from "certain people who were not friendly" to the states construction industry, the Democrats have grown 275 pounds of the viscous meat/senator substitute.
"The product will have a structure and IQ comparable to the mean average of the current Senate membership.
The political scientists say pork, beef and chicken meat have also been added to the mix. We would like to have a product that can pat himself repeatedly on the back with his hoof, while still accepting piles of cash with one of his wing like limbs.
While the effort to get the meat/senator substitute on to the ballot faces many hurdles, the scientists have already started filming campaign commercials for their product. Weve selected Not Forrester. Not Torricelli. Just Meat. as our slogan.
The lump of meat is apparently pro-choice, pro-gun control, pro-education, and full of vitamins and proteins.
We see no reason our meat product cant be elected. It's got the correct positions on the issues, and if you look at it in the right light, our lump of meat has a strong resemblance to the Kennedy family. Well, Ted anyway.
TOPICS: News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons; Politics/Elections
KEYWORDS: democrat; election; forrester; left; liberals; newjersey; nj; senate; senator; torricelli
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1
posted on
09/30/2002 3:13:23 PM PDT
by
dead
To: dead
Grade A Meatlike Product
To: dead
Where's the beef?
3
posted on
09/30/2002 3:15:42 PM PDT
by
stanz
To: dead
Hahahahahaha! Thanks for the comic relief.
4
posted on
09/30/2002 3:16:20 PM PDT
by
sonrise57
To: dead
Don't laugh. Thats how we wound up with Nadler.
5
posted on
09/30/2002 3:16:56 PM PDT
by
skeeter
To: dead
Oh, heck. Just give them a shovel and a bucket and they can scrape it up off the floor of the stables. Would be a step up from the Torch or the Clintons.
To: dead
It's all in the marketing.
To: dead
Thanks, dead. It's nice to take a break from spitting nails for a good, therapeutic guffaw.
To: dead
I thought this was how they were replacing the 'rat candidate:
To: Cacique; firebrand; rmlew; Dutchy; StarFan; nutmeg; RaceBannon; Coleus; Exit148; ELS; OldFriend
ping!
To: dead
Maybe two lumps of meat would be better than one?
To: dead
Like my 'ol Pappy used to say, you get out of it just what you put in it...
12
posted on
09/30/2002 3:22:41 PM PDT
by
Vidalia
To: dead
I heard they dug this guy up from under the 50 yard line in Giant's stadium to clone a candidate from:
To: dead
This could work. I'm thinking the physique of Ted Kennedy, the brains of Patty Murray, and the ethics of Hillary "Cattle Futures" Clinton. Garage-lift that bad boy out the ceiling and zap him with a lightning bolt and..."it's alive! It's aliiiiiiiiiive!!!"
To: dead
This is SO funny!
15
posted on
09/30/2002 3:28:02 PM PDT
by
ArcLight
To: dead
Ti turn it into a reasonable likeness of Torricelli, I believe the dems will have to beat the meat.
16
posted on
09/30/2002 3:28:31 PM PDT
by
philetus
To: dead
"This just in - Meat grown in a test tube has been shown to be both smarter AND more patriotic than several Democrats."
To: philetus
Just heard on Fox News that the rats are going to run up against a whole lot of law in trying to bring in a new rat to run in the crook's place. As in big time law. The deadline for a replacement candidate is 54 days before the election.
Of course, we know that the law is the last thing the rats worry about if they can get around it.
18
posted on
09/30/2002 3:35:41 PM PDT
by
oldtimer
To: dead
19
posted on
09/30/2002 3:37:02 PM PDT
by
Coleus
20
posted on
09/30/2002 3:37:28 PM PDT
by
Mo1
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