Democrats grow meat in a vat to replace Torricelli on the ballot

9/30/02 | dead

[dead]

A group of Democratic political scientists are growing a pile of artificial meat in a drum in Rahway, New Jersey, grooming the meat as their final hope to save the Senate from the horror of Republican control.

Using collagen particles and human muscle cells taken from "certain people who were not friendly" to the state’s construction industry, the Democrats have grown 275 pounds of the viscous meat/senator substitute.

"The product will have a structure and IQ comparable to the mean average of the current Senate membership.”

The political scientists say pork, beef and chicken meat have also been added to the mix. “We would like to have a product that can pat himself repeatedly on the back with his hoof, while still accepting piles of cash with one of his wing like limbs.

While the effort to get the meat/senator substitute on to the ballot faces many hurdles, the scientists have already started filming campaign commercials for their product. “We’ve selected ‘Not Forrester. Not Torricelli. Just Meat.’ as our slogan.

The lump of meat is apparently pro-choice, pro-gun control, pro-education, and full of vitamins and proteins.

“We see no reason our meat product can’t be elected. It's got the correct positions on the issues, and if you look at it in the right light, our lump of meat has a strong resemblance to the Kennedy family. Well, Ted anyway.”

[RightWhale]

Grade A Meatlike Product

[stanz]

Where's the beef?

[sonrise57]

Hahahahahaha! Thanks for the comic relief.

[skeeter]

Don't laugh. Thats how we wound up with Nadler.

[Jim Robinson]

Oh, heck. Just give them a shovel and a bucket and they can scrape it up off the floor of the stables. Would be a step up from the Torch or the Clintons.

[rightwingreligiousfanatic]

It's all in the marketing.

[ru4liberty]

Thanks, dead. It's nice to take a break from spitting nails for a good, therapeutic guffaw.

[hispanarepublicana]

I thought this was how they were replacing the 'rat candidate:

[Black Agnes]

ping!

[rightwingreligiousfanatic]

Maybe two lumps of meat would be better than one?

[Vidalia]

Like my 'ol Pappy used to say, you get out of it just what you put in it...

[sonrise57]

I heard they dug this guy up from under the 50 yard line in Giant's stadium to clone a candidate from:

[Billthedrill]

This could work. I'm thinking the physique of Ted Kennedy, the brains of Patty Murray, and the ethics of Hillary "Cattle Futures" Clinton. Garage-lift that bad boy out the ceiling and zap him with a lightning bolt and..."it's alive! It's aliiiiiiiiiive!!!"

[ArcLight]

This is SO funny!

[philetus]

Ti turn it into a reasonable likeness of Torricelli, I believe the dems will have to beat the meat.

[Diogenesis]

"This just in - Meat grown in a test tube has been shown to be both smarter AND more patriotic than several Democrats."

[oldtimer]

Just heard on Fox News that the rats are going to run up against a whole lot of law in trying to bring in a new rat to run in the crook's place. As in big time law. The deadline for a replacement candidate is 54 days before the election.

Of course, we know that the law is the last thing the rats worry about if they can get around it.

[Coleus]

Sen. Torricelli with the Mafi and the CIA:

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/750856/posts

http://www.newsmax.com/archives/articles/2001/9/17/162056.shtml

[Mo1]

WIPE THE SMILE OFF OF THIS MAN'S FACE.

VOTE THE RATS OUT!!

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