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Read this post and Feel Smarter!
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Posted on 09/19/2002 11:42:31 AM PDT by meandog

You'll feel smarter after you read these quotes - I did.

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff," --Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president," -Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." --John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle

" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or another" --George Bush, US President

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" --Lee Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version,"--Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein," --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore, VP

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman


TOPICS: Free Republic; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: celebrities; quotesfordummies
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1 posted on 09/19/2002 11:42:31 AM PDT by meandog
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To: Howlin; Grampa Dave; Ed_NYC; MonroeDNA; widgysoft; Springman; FreedomPoster; Timesink; AntiGuv; ...
"Hold muh beer 'n watch this!" PING....

If you want on or off this list, please let me know!
This has come about after much badgering by you, my friends and extended family...

2 posted on 09/19/2002 11:52:06 AM PDT by mhking
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To: meandog
Are these quotes real or urban legends?
3 posted on 09/19/2002 11:52:50 AM PDT by Tai_Chung
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To: meandog
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president," -Hillary Clinton......"
 
LOL! This cracks me UP! ...

4 posted on 09/19/2002 11:58:39 AM PDT by webboss
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To: webboss
We are the president

could easily be

We are the Borg
5 posted on 09/19/2002 12:01:11 PM PDT by widgysoft
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To: meandog
"You'll feel smarter after you read these quotes - I did. "

Have a low self-esteem do ya? :-)

6 posted on 09/19/2002 12:01:28 PM PDT by Enemy Of The State
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To: Tai_Chung
Real...as far as I know. Don't you just love John Wayne's quote?
7 posted on 09/19/2002 12:01:58 PM PDT by meandog
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To: widgysoft
Or, "We are Class A felons."
8 posted on 09/19/2002 12:07:31 PM PDT by paulklenk
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To: Tai_Chung
Are these quotes real or urban legends?

I've seen them before. They're real.

9 posted on 09/19/2002 12:10:45 PM PDT by Steve0113
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To: meandog; Gabz; Just another Joe; SheLion; maxwell
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

Oh, she is as dumb as a box of rocks.

10 posted on 09/19/2002 12:25:08 PM PDT by NeoCaveman
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To: Tai_Chung
I'm sure the Danny Ozark one is true...the Phillies have a knack for hiring DUMB managers
11 posted on 09/19/2002 12:28:29 PM PDT by twyn1
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To: dubyaismypresident
Oh, she is as dumb as a box of rocks.

She sure is! I have heard that statement before. Boy!

12 posted on 09/19/2002 12:32:37 PM PDT by SheLion
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To: Tai_Chung
I can vouch for one. I was watching the game the night Joe Theisman said this. However, Theisman wasn't being an idiot (at least not this time). He went to High School with a guy named "Norman Einstein." Einstein was his class valedictorian. (Sports Illustrated, March 2, 1992 v76 n8 p12) It seems like this was a running gag in High School and when SI tracked him down,(he's a doctor) he said he used to get teased by his professors.

I'm a life long Redskins fan and since they can't seem to defend themselves or the end zone, I'll have to try my best to help out.
13 posted on 09/19/2002 12:34:44 PM PDT by Fry
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To: Tai_Chung
These are absolutely real. I recall hearing many of them when they occured, especially the polititco's quotes. It is nice to see them all together. ROFLMAO!
14 posted on 09/19/2002 12:41:48 PM PDT by Cold Heat
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To: SheLion
Ah, but have you heard this one?

Dumb gotten so dense that no intellect can escape.

15 posted on 09/19/2002 12:48:06 PM PDT by Just another Joe
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To: dubyaismypresident; MeeknMing; Constitution Day
I am sitting here laughing myself into tears y'all! I've read most of this sheeat before but it gets me every time...

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.

LMFAO!

16 posted on 09/19/2002 12:48:46 PM PDT by maxwell
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To: maxwell
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.

I'd probably vote for the guy just for his honesty.

17 posted on 09/19/2002 12:51:16 PM PDT by NeoCaveman
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To: WhyisaTexasgirlinPA
These are funny, and there's an explanation of the Joe Theismann quote in reply # 13. And no, I'm not pinging you because I think you need to feel or be smarter...smartypants!
18 posted on 09/19/2002 12:51:57 PM PDT by Argh
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To: meandog
bump for later read...very funny
19 posted on 09/19/2002 12:57:10 PM PDT by Paulie
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To: meandog
"Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

If true, a ripoff of Yogi's "90 percent of this game is mental, the other half is physical".

20 posted on 09/19/2002 1:03:55 PM PDT by Mr. Bird
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