WHAT HATH GOD WROUGHT?
Mudboy, here they all are, in their glory, rescued from the smokey backroom. I now can think of 20 scarey things about that thread! Not coincidentally, I've posted all of our contestants' entries in the above posts in this thread. This thread is now open to comment by any and all, but the above posts will let Mudslim Boy and me, your judges, compare carefully. Of course, we both plan to be drunk when judging, so no one get their hopes up. I'll announce the 3 finalists at 10 p.m. in this thread and am preparing to imbibe. In some real sense, Sam Adams is the judge here!
2018 – Brian Allen (HAPPY)
Entry 1508 – Forgiven Sinner (HAPPY)
Entry 1229 – harpo11 (HAPPY)
Entry 1092 – Vets_Husband_and_Wife (um, *11* HAPPY reasons)
Entry 1091 – dubyagee (HAPPY)
Entry 1081 – (ignore, formatting error fixed in reposted list at 1092)
1037 – Miss Marple (HAPPY)
Entry 1013 – Indy Pendance (HAPPY)
Entry 965 – Chad Fairbanks (HAPPY – I guess, it’s top ten reasons he loves FR)
Entry 954 – one_particular_harbour (STILL POSTING)
Entry 887 – Timesink (HAPPY)
Entry 886 – dubyagee (STILL POSTING)
Entry 870 – ArneFufkin (HAPPY/POSTING [“happily on this thread”])
Entry 764 – Physicist (STILL POSTING)
Entry 762 – dubyagee (STILL POSTING)
Entry 752 – paulklenk (STILL POSTING)
Entry 738 – Dianna (STILL POSTING)
Entry 736 – Jake0001 (STILL POSTING)
Entry 724 – BluesDuke (STILL POSTING)
Entry 680 – JulieRNR21 (HAPPY)
Entry 667 – dubyagee (STILL POSTING)
Entry
Mud, notice people were “still posting” and then as our contest continued more contestants at least claimed to be “happy Freeperes.” Pat yourself on the back, sport, we’ve made this little corner of the world a little sunnier.
The ping list of contestants, with bribes noted, is: Brian Allen; Forgiven_Sinner; harpo11, Vets_Husband_and_Wife; dubyagee (um, one of his lists is basically an ode to Mud); Miss Marple; Indy Pendance; Chad Fairbanks (bribe at post 1947: photo of Ann Coulter; bribe at post 1975: charmingly brutal question); one_particular_harbour; timesink; ArneFufkin; Physicist; Dianna; paulklenk (hilarious non-list posts); jake0001; bluesduke; JulieRNR21 (bribe at post 1921 – animated chocolate kisses; post 796: butterfly)
My finalists are, in no particular order,
Timesink (#887),
dubyagee (# 1091 is what I have in mind, slim, but I imagine that you like 886!), and
paulklenk (#752).
Annoyingly, I won’t say much about why I chose these 3: I want Mudboy to step to the plain untained by my perceptions (although mired in much bribery scandal, apparently). (And no, it didn’t help that dubyagee posted more than once: his/her 667 is actually pretty bad, actually, but I just looked at each individually.)
Mudboy, if you feel REALLY strongly about Jake0001 or Harpo11, we can put them on the finalist list too. But forced to make some hard choices, I choose these 3.
Some judges’ notes:
First of all, really, APPLAUSE APPLAUSE a lot of people have been having fun with this, including me, thanks for playing. The fact that you entered means you have a good sense of humor (although COUGH there appear to be a couple of exceptions) and so you’re not doing to be all twisted around if I don’t like your list as much as you did, I hope. I give these judges’ notes just because y’all took the time to enter and I figure you’d prefer to hear how I made my decision so you will all know, all joking aside, that I really did spend some conscientious time on these entries.
And yes, Mudboy and I will be posting our own lists here when we announce the winner, so you’ll get your chance to mock the judges. This is Free Republic, no?
As I’ve made pretty clear, it was always my intention to drink beer while judging. So no whining, no one ever said this contest was going to be fair. But I didn’t imbibe too much. My foolish decisions are a product of my own foolish will, not Samuel Adams beer (which is really very good HICCUP).
All of you guys who realized that I was a Bush Babe, major points for researching me, but I won’t be swayed! (Bribery will only matter in the finals, when Mudboy Slim comes into the picture.)
OK, to the losers, well, of the 20 entries, I would say only 2 or 3 really stunk. (No, seriously, we said “humor counts” in the rules, right?) Anyone of the other entries could have won and none of you would have been able to prove that the fix was in. (I take Mastercard.)
There will several best line candidates.
There’s a certain charm in ArneFufkin (who easily would have won if the contest was best name), Post #870, line 6 on while still posting:
“6: Court ordered home arrest.” Arne, as I judge this I noted Cultural Jihad put you up there in the top three and I went back and read it again. Sigh, I'm afraid you're a victim of my ignorance: I just didn't get some of them. The ones I got were funny.
Then there’s Dianna’s (#738) line 3, on while still posting:
“3. I'm hoping that BADJOE will come back and change his name to GOODJOE.”
Then there’s BluesDuke (724) reason 1 why he’s still posting:
1) You mean I need a
reason? Well, I tried... ;)
And who will forget Forgiven Sinner’s
“7. I sing kareoke to Doug_From_Uplands songs at the neighborhood liberal bar.”
Miss Marple, I think you suffered from my relative newbie status because some lines may have been funny but I just haven’t been around. But I loved your:
"6. Once you have been called a knee-pad wearing, statist, socialistic, empty-headed Bushbot, that guy who growls at you in traffic doesn't intimidate you anymore." Post 2087 places you second: Cultural Jihad loves it. You have the same problem as Arne for me as judge, however: stuff there I'm not getting. Sigh, perhaps should have mentioned I'm a relative newbie who avoids as much of the politics here as I can.
But overall, my runner up, the one I’d take for fourth if I could nominate four finalists, for consistent depth in the thread, would be Harpo11 or Jake0001. They both had brevity, a virtue in a top ten list, and an open, naive humor:
Jake0001, Post#736
Top 10 reasons why I'm still posting this thread.
10.It beats working
9. Noone in creation could read the entire thread anyway.
8. Actually its the first time I posted in this thread.
7. Its more light-hearted than actual events.
6. Its good to post something that might get a reply.
5. Its better to post something for a prize.
4. Wasn't this thread to be killed?
3. I'm new here and too ignorant to know when to shut up.
2. Method of payment for bribery - Do you take Diner's Club?
1. Who's LYNN CHENEY?
Why I'm Still A HAppy FReeper
by Harpo
1) I can be all that I want to be.
2) I can post pictures.
3) I can post words.
4) I can read words.
5) I can see pictures.
6) I can learn things.
7) I can laugh.
8) I can reach for the cybersky.
9) I can swear.
10) I am free.
Last line of Harpo’s is very good, no? And Jake’s a newbie. God help a newbie who mistakenly stumbles upon a thread like this: I felt a strong maternal need to nominate him. It was close. (Oh, and it’s “Lynne” Cheney, no?)
So, a nice round of applause for our runner-ups.
Physicist, your entry 764 was quite possibly the funniest, I could tell it would be really funny if understood the background references, but I didn’t, so you are kinda losing ‘cause the judge is dumb but I’m sure you made a lot of people laugh along the way.
Harpo11. True confession: loved your entry, almost a poem. If I had more artistic courage, I would have put it in the finalist spot. You want the truth? I think it’s very real and pretty, but I also think there would have been a RIOT if I’d named it as a finalist. It spoke to me, but I daren’t have it lead the group: I guess I do want our winner to speak to everyone. Thanks for entertaining us. Oh, and don’t get me wrong, I’m not afraid of starting a riot generally. But here I do hope our winner makes everyone warm and fuzzy cause I’m spending real money on a book as a prize in order to make everyone warm and fuzzy. So it’s counter to present purposes for a riot to occur. You’re perhaps going to kill me for saying it, but it was secretly my favorite. Whatever. Have a beer on me!
Julie – you put so much work in this!! But it was too sincere, actually, to be too funny. It was just delightful! All your posts are. I do think your post is in keeping with the spirit of the contest and must give you an honorable mention.
Brian Allen – It’s not that it was late. It was that a top ten list has to end with a big splash and your number 1 was written under obvious time pressure! :) Hee hee. Wish you’d have found us 5 minutes earlier.
one_particular_harbour: “6. I like beating up on middle aged people who have like to be anonymously mad about what is posted on an internet bulletin board, and sick and twisted enough to think it actually matters.” Um, this was funny but angry-funny. Some people like angry-funny and you’re a victim of a judge who tends, as my selections indicate, toward the silly-funny side of life. But I don’t deny the humor. It’s the painful acoholic aging comedian dark humor stuff you see sometimes. I’m not saying it’s not good. It’s just not me. Like, I loved: “2. My kids are watching Disney Channel. I hate Disney Channel.”
OK, the HONORABLE MENTION AWARDS:
Harpo11: MOST AVANTE GUARDE
Julie: MOST CUTE
Julie: BEST WORK TRYING TO BRIBE THE JUDGES
Vets_Husband_and_Wife: MOST OBVIOUSLY DESPERATE TO WIN (this was a close contest, by the way, but you nabbed this title) :) (Hey, we said *ten*!! What’s up with the 11!! Why, if we had an award for the most huztpah!! :) You’ve been a lot of fun on this thread and I’ve enjoyed chatting with you.)
HONORABLE MENTION ON MERIT:
Harpo11 and Jake0001
Chad Fairbanks: Very good, very succinct. Sometimes too literal/sincere, we’re grading for humor
Indy Penance: same comment as above. Think you or Chad could have reached the finals if done just consistent silly humor, like your great lines 7 and 5-2. Just my preference as a judge.
It was fun playing your game; thanks for organizing it and congratulations to all who played. Next weekend, let's play "Follow the Fudge as it Makes its Way from your Kitchen Dis-Pos-Al into the Sea, the Sea, the beautiful Sea."
(Note to self: Never eat anything bigger than your head.)
As an expression of my gratitude, I'm giving you a preview of a wonderful story from this morning's New York Times:
Dear Diary:
It was a rainy Saturday afternoon and I was cleaning the moisture off my glasses as the doors of the uptown No. 1 train opened at 23rd Street. A white-haired man barreled in, talking fairly loudly into a cellphone. I thought nothing of it for about two seconds until I realized we were underground, and he was talking into a cellphone. I took another look and saw that what he held to his ear wasn't a cellphone, but a banana.
He was telling the person on the other end of the banana that he was going to marry that person's daughter, bring her flowers and sing her love songs.
He hummed a note or two, hung up, dialed the banana and reached someone in Italy. I know this because he said: "Hello? Oh, Italy? Come stai?" I don't know what the two parties discussed after that because he continued speaking in what seemed to me to be Italian. When they were done, he redialed, reaching Germany ("Guten tag!") followed by Spain.
By the time he contacted Florida, every eye in the car was fixed on him and his banana, and most were filled with tears from laughing so hard.
As the man left the train at 66th Street, the young man standing to my left wiped his eyes.
"He had the stem of the banana in his ear," he said. "I always thought that was the part you talked into."
(submitted by Michelle Gillan)