Another Man Down in the War Against Fathers

FatherMag.com ^ | August 22, 2002 | Roger F. Gay

[Don Joe]

"I am in fact quite heavily involved in support issues."

I what capacity, and on which side?

[Don Joe]

"I what capacity" = "In what capacity"

[shaggy eel]

What "the law" says hardly matters when what is done in practice makes a complete mockery of "the law".

,,, precisely. Judges turn the law over every day. The most important possession these days is an agenda.

[Don Joe]

"I have yet to find any state which lays out guidelines on who custody should be awarded to."

Michigan has a 12 point written guide that is required to be used to determine "best interest of the children" vis-a-vis custody determination.

Remarkably, they still routinely grant custody to women.

I guess we can only conclude that this is evidence that women are by far the better parents, since as we all know, the state would never practice bias or tokenism.

[Don Joe]

"The absolute worst situation I have heard about is where a man is shown through DNA to NOT be the father but because a court order was handed down the man has to keep paying child support - for kids that are not his."

Stick around. You'll see "conservatives" argue that the above is "better than having society pay the costs."

[Life of Brian]

if your support payments were more than your monthly income and interest penalties were accrueing at a rate that assures you will be paying essentially everything you earn for the rest of your life?

I don't know monday, but I can tell you it doesn't cost me anymore than it did when we were all together.

[Don Joe]

3. I was just teasing with #2. :)

[Don Joe]

"You seem to be down to one-liners."

LOL! You go ahead, think whatever you want. You might want to consider, though, that no one rolls out the big guns when he's only shooting fish in a barrel

At the rate the pro-feminist side's argument is withering on the vine, it won't be long before all that us normal folks need to invoke in response will be the "Let the 'pun'ishment fit the crime" doctrine.

Oh dear, it appears that we just crossed that threshold...

[Don Joe]

"thanx Don. The message for guys is pick your friends and wives like you pick your fruit at the supermarket. If it ain't up to it, leave it where it is."

You're quite welcome. I learned my mistakes the hard way. Twice. After the second divorce, I became a hermit for nearly a decade. Went "out for coffee with the boys" several times a week, worked at home (career change after nearly dying after getting rear-ended at an intersection), and resolved that I was "off the market" for good.

Then I met a nice, sane, lady -- a Christian, and a schoolteacher -- and we became good friends. About a year later, we became "more than good friends" and we've been married for several years now.

The secret IMO is not to "date", but to marry someone who has been a genuine friend for a long enough period of time that you know that you like each other for more than hormonal reasons.

[BJungNan]

Stick around. You'll see "conservatives" argue that the above is "better than having society pay the costs."

The quotes around the word conservative is no doubt correct if anyone calling themselves a "conservative" (why do I feel like Dr. Evil) thinks such injustice has a place in society.

Minime, Minime, where are you?

[Don Joe]

"The quotes around the word conservative is no doubt correct if anyone calling themselves a 'conservative' (why do I feel like Dr. Evil) thinks such injustice has a place in society."

Bingo. They masquerade as "conservatives", when their real philosophy boils down to it being OK to allow a travesty to occur, so long as it's "anybody but me" that pays the price.

[shaggy eel]

,,, you're right. I lasted almost 15 years in my first marriage. I remarried in February this year after shacking up for almost three years. Very happy now and even happy to be able to look back at the disaster, knowing what I've come thru. The whole situation depends on an adversarial environment to keep lawyers involved and in control. They're like any other consultant in that you have to know how to manage them. Once that's determined, you're on the home stretch.

[RGSpincich]

This is an illustration of the desperation the system can force some people to.

But not you and not me and not millions of others. I've been through it too and like you I pride myself in staying current on child support.

Some don't show up for hearings and then cry like hell when they get bit hard. They don't correct the mistakes that may have been made by the court because of their absence. These guys/gals moan the loudest and then go underground, working for cash and losing contact with their kids. Child support is a temporary cost but can cause permanent damage to a parent/child relationship if the parents do not act responsibly. The horror stories usually only occur when the paying parent neglects repeated payments. They accumulate a large balance that is subject to compound interest. It's all downhill from there.

The rules were in place before we took our respective plunges into fatherhood and we knew the perils. Everybody did. We had choices, keep it zipped, have 'em snipped or take our chances. If you decide to take your chances whining about the outcome is not allowed.

As for the non-custodial parents who are driven over the edge. They need tough doses of reality, they are slackers. It looks to me like this thread is attempting to give license to those who would forsake their own kids interests so that they may portray themselves as victims.

[Don Joe]

"As for the non-custodial parents who are driven over the edge. They need tough doses of reality, they are slackers."

Yup, absolutely!

Same thing goes for custodial mothers who piss and moan about how "hard it is" to make do without child support. They married the bastards, so now they get to pay the price. If they don't like it, then maybe they should have used the aspirin-as-birth-control technique. It really works. no one ever got pregnant while holding an aspirin between her knees.

She played, and now she can pay. It's not rocket science.

If she needs more money to get by, then she can go out and get another job. No reason to have sympathy for some lazy slacker who refuses to provide for her kids just because she can't get a handout from some man.

/shoe_on_other_foot

[shaggy eel]

,,, in a post prior to this, I commented on capabilites, intelligence and resources. If we were all clones and earned the same salaries at the same jobs and lived identical lives, I'm confident there would be no issue. A one size fits all prescription clearly isn't working for those who aren't up to it. In addition to any emotional trauma derived from separation, financial difficulty can place many over the edge. Reflex reactions may result in violence, whilst others will withdraw. Even someone with an iron will to move on will take a hit at some level, testing their adaptabilty. I'm not standing in line for it again, I can tell you that much.

[DNA Rules]

All of which is exactly why the "best interests of the child" mantra is used as a shield for the fact of "whatever a female parent wants".

By the way, as you know by now, some will drag out the names "woman-haters" or "misogynists" ASAP in discussions like this. Those some want the targets of such names to quiver and melt and surrender.

I'm glad that you and others don't.

[realwoman]

Oh, go back to mafia. Is no place immune from doc's sanctimonious harem?

[realwoman]

Nope, she's the "new meat" sent over from mafia.

[RogerFGay]

I don't condone violence either. The government is the aggressor in this situation however, and I think it's wrong / naive to presume that's ok. Perhaps you should read the article again and think about what it actually says.

[RogerFGay]

Well said. (responding to your post #181) I think I bumbled along trying to say the same thing. I'm glad you found the right words. They're whipping and threatening people long enough and hard enough, and then blaming them for fighting back or trying to escape (the fundamentally human instinct of fight or flight). I'm certainly more than ready to call-out these fake "conservatives" (conservative in what country? what polticial system?) who think total surrender to unfettered government aggression and control is just the bee's knees.