PING ! and a stike!
As always, a FReep mail will get you on or off this Houston topics ping list.
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Posted on 08/21/2002 11:04:29 AM PDT by PetroniDE
On August 30th, unless something along the lines of a labor miracle occurs, the ninth baseball work stoppage in thirty years will occur. Judging by the history of labor strife in baseball, it appears likely that the major league players will walk.
With the Houston Astros in contention for the NL Central title and/or the NL wild-card, it has been decided to form a replacement baseball team in order to protect the chances of the Houston Astros to finally capture post-season glory.
Team members, player profiles, and projected lineups:
XenaLyte will bat leadoff and play CF. She featurs a quick bat and lightning speed. Clearly the biggest base stealing threat on the team.
HoustonCurmudgeon will bat second and play 3B. Strong arm and good contact man.
Bobbyd will bat third and normally play 1B. The closest thing to a five-star ballplayer on the team. Good bat, glove, arm, and baseball sense. Will also play some 3B.
PhiKap bats fourth and normally plays LF. The clean-up hitter. Most powerful bat in the line-up. Will also play some 1B.
Dix bats fifth and normally plays RF. He serves as player-manager, so will he ever order himself to bunt?
Eaker bats sixth and plays SS. Strong arm and terrific baseball sense. Second best base-stealing threat.
TheMom bats seventh and plays 2B. Excellent double-play teammate with Eaker, and blocks the bag well on steal attempts. Never try to steal with TheMom on the field.
Flyer bats eighth and play C. Don't try to run on this man. He will track you down.
This is a NL team. Therefore, the pitcher bats ninth.
Remember the phrase "no pitching - no pennant"? Since you can't win without pitching, the FRAstros made sure that they have the "arms" to get the job done.
Projected starting rotation:
Iamright is the ace of the staff. Overpowering fastball and excellent change-up. Close to the right-handed equivalent of a Randy Johnson.
PetroniDE is the classic complement to Iamright. The only lefthander on the staff is a cross between a 1970's Bill Lee (minus the beard and lefty political views) and Tim Wakefield. Any pitch at anytime from him. Can also play 1B in emergency situations.
Smartaleck is another hard throwing righthander with an excellent breaking pitch.
BurFred is the sinkerballer. Lots of groundballs and not many strikeouts, but very few walks and can always pitch deep into games.
RikaStrom is the fifth starter and long reliever, but don't mess with her. She will knock you down on one pitch and have you talking to yourself after she sends you back to your dugout with a K.
When the starters tire, pitchers are summoned from the bullpen for middle relief, set-up work, and to close the games.
AntiVenom is a "don't mess with me" pitcher with a mean fastball, which serves well during set-up efforts in relief of the finesse pitchers.
OllieMB is the other set-up pitcher, featuring a nasty curve ball and change-up to complement the power pitchers. In emergencies and extra inning games, can play 2B or SS.
Humblegunner is the closer. What better name for a baseball closer than one with the name "gun" in it. When he enters the game with a lead, you can almost book it.
Can't forget the bench. Injury, fatigue, and situation substitutions insure that their services are essential.
Gracey substitutes in the OF for defensive purposes.
DrewsDad substitues in the OF for defensive purposes, and provides a speed boost for the slower base runners.
T-agent is the back-up catcher. No catcher can play every game. A dependable bat and baseball smarts.
BushDude2000 is the utility infielder and the lone switch hitter. Available to substitute at 2B, SS, or 3B. Will serve as a valuable glove man and additional contact bat.
PING ! and a stike!
As always, a FReep mail will get you on or off this Houston topics ping list.
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Every team needs an idiot for a mascot to run around making a fool of himself.
RAH RAH REE
KICK 'EM IN THE KNEE!
RAH RAH RASS
KICK 'EM IN THE OTHER KNEE!!
BEER HERE! ICE COLD BEER! GET YA BEER HERE!
Puke warm beer - $7.50 - Now we're talking money.
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Switch kicker!
As a fringe benefit, one keg of beer and one keg of diet soda will be stationed at third base. Anybody who reaches third (whether on the FRAstros or the opposition) gets a free drink. Just don't spill any.
Ugggghhh, warm beer.
Better than swish kicker.
A gazillion dollars for a retractable roof stadium and they leave it open in August. Drink your beer before it melts.
In defense of Humdiston, I offer this:
Roses are red...
Violets are blue...
Some poems rhyme...
Some don't!
LOL, It immediately brought to mind this song!
You better check with BobbyD. He also owns the company with the grounds keeping contract. He says he decides when the roof will be open.
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For post-season games, the commissoner decides whether the roof is open or closed.
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