Introducing the Houston FRAstros - MLB Replacement Team

On August 30th, unless something along the lines of a labor miracle occurs, the ninth baseball work stoppage in thirty years will occur. Judging by the history of labor strife in baseball, it appears likely that the major league players will walk.

With the Houston Astros in contention for the NL Central title and/or the NL wild-card, it has been decided to form a replacement baseball team in order to protect the chances of the Houston Astros to finally capture post-season glory.

XenaLyte will bat leadoff and play CF. She featurs a quick bat and lightning speed. Clearly the biggest base stealing threat on the team.
HoustonCurmudgeon will bat second and play 3B. Strong arm and good contact man.
Bobbyd will bat third and normally play 1B. The closest thing to a five-star ballplayer on the team. Good bat, glove, arm, and baseball sense. Will also play some 3B.
PhiKap bats fourth and normally plays LF. The clean-up hitter. Most powerful bat in the line-up. Will also play some 1B.
Dix bats fifth and normally plays RF. He serves as player-manager, so will he ever order himself to bunt?
Eaker bats sixth and plays SS. Strong arm and terrific baseball sense. Second best base-stealing threat.
TheMom bats seventh and plays 2B. Excellent double-play teammate with Eaker, and blocks the bag well on steal attempts. Never try to steal with TheMom on the field.
Flyer bats eighth and play C. Don't try to run on this man. He will track you down.
This is a NL team. Therefore, the pitcher bats ninth.

Remember the phrase "no pitching - no pennant"? Since you can't win without pitching, the FRAstros made sure that they have the "arms" to get the job done.

Iamright is the ace of the staff. Overpowering fastball and excellent change-up. Close to the right-handed equivalent of a Randy Johnson.
PetroniDE is the classic complement to Iamright. The only lefthander on the staff is a cross between a 1970's Bill Lee (minus the beard and lefty political views) and Tim Wakefield. Any pitch at anytime from him. Can also play 1B in emergency situations.
Smartaleck is another hard throwing righthander with an excellent breaking pitch.
BurFred is the sinkerballer. Lots of groundballs and not many strikeouts, but very few walks and can always pitch deep into games.
RikaStrom is the fifth starter and long reliever, but don't mess with her. She will knock you down on one pitch and have you talking to yourself after she sends you back to your dugout with a K.

When the starters tire, pitchers are summoned from the bullpen for middle relief, set-up work, and to close the games.

AntiVenom is a "don't mess with me" pitcher with a mean fastball, which serves well during set-up efforts in relief of the finesse pitchers.
OllieMB is the other set-up pitcher, featuring a nasty curve ball and change-up to complement the power pitchers. In emergencies and extra inning games, can play 2B or SS.
Humblegunner is the closer. What better name for a baseball closer than one with the name "gun" in it. When he enters the game with a lead, you can almost book it.

Can't forget the bench. Injury, fatigue, and situation substitutions insure that their services are essential.

Gracey substitutes in the OF for defensive purposes.
DrewsDad substitues in the OF for defensive purposes, and provides a speed boost for the slower base runners.
T-agent is the back-up catcher. No catcher can play every game. A dependable bat and baseball smarts.
BushDude2000 is the utility infielder and the lone switch hitter. Available to substitute at 2B, SS, or 3B. Will serve as a valuable glove man and additional contact bat.

I remember how, after my brothers moved out of the house, Dad only had us girls to mold into players, but we were pretty good in high school & big league senior softball.

There were times poor old Dad would forget who he was playing catch with though. He pulled that Mike Flanagan deal with a nail he kept in his sock, putting scratches deep into the cover of the ball & when I complained that it seemed like a perfect waste of a good ball, he read me the riot act. "Your fastball is as straight as an arrow, you don't have a curveball, and you NEED something to make it move!"

When I stopped him and asked how many major league pitchers wore a C cup bra, he shut up and walked off in a huff.

We wear the Houston Astros uniforms

If it's the exploding-pastel uniform of the late 1970s-1980s, Jesus Louise-us, didn't you guys ever hear of the Eighth Amendment? ;)

Nominations for Ugliest Baseball Uniforms Ever

Houston Astros, 1979-80something.
Atlanta Braves, 1974-90. (Sorry, but those blue slow-pitch beer league jerseys with the feathers on the shoulders just don't match against the 1990s uniform, which is an upgrade of the classic 1950s Braves uniform.)
Pittsburgh Pirates, 1972-80whenever. (Another slo-pitch beer league bust. God love him but the only reason Willie Stargell didn't look ridiculous in that rig was because lamppost-built relief ace Kent Tekulve looked worse!)
Oakland Athletics, 1969-86. (The father of the MLB slo-pitch beer league uniform and it almost made the Pirates' sorry rig look like a tuxedo...)
Tampa Bay Devil Rays, 1998-? (I wouldn't give these uniforms any great style points. On the other hand, you have to consider, almost, just who wears them. You wouldn't give the Devil Rays any great style points, either...)
San Diego Padres, 1978?-1987 (The infamous "human taco" uniforms. Even seeing them now in old photographs, they still look like what someone upchucked after a heavy night of drinking, apologies to the ladies...The San Diego Chicken looked more like a baseball player than the Padres looked in those uniforms. Come to think of it, the Chicken looked more like a baseball player than those Padres - 1984 excepted - without those uniforms...)
Philadelphia Phillies, 1972-94 - I hated that ridiculous P with the shoulder piping and, in the 1990s, the spoiled oatmeal-gray road version. (Not that the baby blue road version of 1972-89 was that great, either). The Phillies uniform of 1950-71 was class (which is more than could be said for the Phillies themselves, most of the time) and the Phils' uniform of 1995-present is a handsome reference to the former.
New York Mets, 1984-94 - The Mets' shoulder and outseam piping killed the simple attractiveness of the classic Met uniform (the murder actually began in 1978, when the Mets finally went to those ridiculous pullover jerseys with the team colour beltlines), and the road version looked even worse. Really blasphemous: a road version of the early 1990s which used the same lettering style across the breast as the (*choke*) Yankee road uniform. I'm not crazy about the blue-white-and-orange-on-black alternative jersey they wear today, but at least today's Mets uniform looks like a baseball uniform, for crying out loud.
San Francisco Giants, 1975?-1985 - Another damn softball uniform. One of the happiest days of my life was when, in the mid-1990s, the Giants went to an upgraded version of their classic 1957-74 uniforms (the home version being, of course, an upgrade of the vintage home uniform of the New York Giants, 1947-57...). I bet you Giant fans were even happier.
Brooklyn Dodgers, 1916 - Would you believe Dem Bums actually wore a uniform that tried to one-up the early pinstripe styles by using cross-stripes that made them look like rolls of graph paper?

Here's a stroll down memory lane for you Astro fans...

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