Next time you have a bad day at work . . . think of this guy.
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister.
She then sent it to Laughline, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.
"Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office.
I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea.
I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit.
This time year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of shit sucks the water out of the sea.
It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.
Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit.
This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to itch.
So, of course, I scratched it.
This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to burn.
I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it.
However, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate.
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my ass.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other divers, was all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say I aborted the dive.
I was instructed to make 3 agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.
When I arrived at he surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.
As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my ass as soon as I get in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't crap for 2 days because my butthole was swollen shut.
So, next time your having a bad day at work; think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ass."
Thanks, Marsha!
Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender." The second cannibal asks, "What kind of Missionary do you use?" The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads." "Ah, ha!" the second cannibal replies. "No wonder ... those are friars!"
Thanks Cob...that jelly fish story made me laugh, and yes I was having a bad day up till then! :))
