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After many years of illness, Ronald Reagan was very ill and it appeared that he might not pull through. Obviously, Nancy and the rest of the family were at his side, as well as the family minister.

Knowing that his time might be short, they asked if there was anything that he wanted.

"Yes," he replied, "I'd like very much to have Bill and Hillary Clinton at my side before I go."

They were all amazed at this request and several assumed that his memory was failing even worse than they had suspected. Regardless, they went ahead and forwarded his request to the former first family.

Within hours, the former president and first lady arrived at his bedside, courtesy of the loan of Air Force One. For a time, no one said anything.

Both Bill and Hillary were touched and flattered that Ron would ask them to be with him during his final moments.

They were also puzzled - obviously they were of different political parties and had thrown barbs in one another's direction over the years.

Why not George Bush Sr., G.W. Bush or some of Reagan's many Hollywood friends? He had never given the Clintons any indication that he particularly liked either of them.

Finally, Bill spoke up and asked, "Mr. President, why did you choose the two of us to be at your bedside at this critical moment?"

The former president mustered up some strength and said very weakly,

"Well....Jesus died between two thieves ... and that's how I want to go..."
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A pastor's church was getting too large for him to cover all of the duties so he had a clone made of himself. All was going well, he could be in two hospitals at once praying for the sick, attend two meetings at the same time, this was his answer for his busy life.

Suddenly, the genes went crazy and the cloned preacher's personality changed. He started making passes towards women, yelling at drivers who cut him off, and making obscene gestors. This concerned the pastor so he and the clone took a day off and went to the Sears Tower, ate lunch, and enjoyed the view from the top.

While the clone was looking at the skyline through the telescope, the pastor pushed him over the side and that was the end of the clone. When the pastor left the building and walked past the crowd that had gathered, the police stopped him and placed him under arrest. "Under arrest"?? What's the charge?

Making an obscene clone fall.

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Florida.

At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, "Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?" So, to the back fence they all went to check it out.

First to step up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Next was the Texas contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Without so much as moving, the New York contractor said, "$2,700."

The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

"Easy," he said. "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you and we hire the guy from Texas."