A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died."
Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey."
The farmer asked, "What ya goanna do with him?"
Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off."
Farmer, " You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Kenny, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"
Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00."
Farmer, "Didn't everyone complain?"
Kenny, "No, just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
--------- Church Conviction -----------
An almost sobered up drunk is at Sunday mass listening to a long, boring sermon. Feeling still hungover and tired he finally nods out hoping no one will notice.
The priest has been watching him all along and at the end of the sermon decides to make an example out of him.
"Who in this room would like a place in heaven please stand up" he exclaims. The whole room stands up except of course, for one.
Obviously displeased he now says loudly, "and he who would like to find a place in hell please STAND UP." The man catching only the last part, groggily stands up only to look around and find that he's alone standing up.
Confused and embarrassed he says, "I don't know what we're voting on here father but sure seems like you and me are the only ones standing for it."
"No, just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
Oh wow, that's clever! LOL.