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Fun Things To Do at Wal-Mart
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares" and see what happens.
5. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
6. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
7. Put M&Ms on layaway.
8. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bed and Bath Department.
9. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
10. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
11. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full-scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
12. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
13. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
14. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest rooms.
15. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
"Mission:Impossible."
16. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
17. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "Pick me!! Pick me!!" and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
18. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
19. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
:>):>):>)

 A guy suspects his wife is cheating on him. One day, he dials his home 
and a strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?" "This is 
the maid," answered  the woman.

 "We don't have a maid," said the man. The woman says, "I was hired 
this morning by the lady of the house."

 The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"

 The woman replied, "She is upstairs in the bedroom with someone 
who I figured was her husband."

 The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like 
to make $50,000?"

 The maid says, "What will I have to do?"

 The man tells her, "I want you to go to my des, get out the gun 
and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with."

 The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and the 
gun shots.

 The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"

 The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."

 Puzzled, the maid answers, "But there's no pool here."

 A long pause and the man says, "Is this 832-4821?"

A young Marine and his commanding officer board a train headed through the mountains of Switzerland.
They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.
After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young soldier are interested in each other because they are giving each other "looks."
Soon, the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of the smack of a kiss, followed by the sound of the smack of a slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.
The grandmother is thinking to herself: "It was very brash for that young soldier to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."
The commanding officer is setting there thinking: "I didn't know the young Marine was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!"
The young woman was sitting and thinking: "I'm glad the soldier kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"
The young Marine sat there with a satisfied smile on his face, thinking to himself: "Life is good. When does a fellow have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his commanding officer, all at the same time?"