Replies

You must be aware of the following viruses...

Government Economist Virus
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is
fine

Federal Beaurocrat Virus
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of
which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most
important part of your computer

Adam and Eve Virus
Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer

Congressional Virus #1
The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message
appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem

Congressional Virus #2
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't
allow the user to accomplish anything

Airline Virus
You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore

Freudian Virus
Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard. Or
becomes very jealous of the size of your friend's hard drive

PBS Virus
Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money

Jimmy Hoffa Virus
Your programs can never be found again

LAPD Virus
It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and
erases them in "self-defense".

O.J. Virus
It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of
your files and vows to find the virus that did it.

THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it
outside...I just finished
cleaning in here."

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet!

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm gonna knock you
into the middle of next
week."

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're
in an accident."

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME IRONY.
"Stop that crying or I'll give you something to cry
about."

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your
neck."

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until you clean your plate."

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT WEATHER.
"It looks like a cyclone hit this room."

MY MOTHER TAUGHT BE ABOUT HYPOCRISY.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million
times...don't exaggerate!"

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you
out!"

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father."