[tomkow6]

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather who
lived way out in the boondocks. After he'd spent the
night, his grandfather fixed him bacon and eggs for
breakfast. Noticing a heavy film on his plate and he
questioned, "Grandpa, are these plates clean?"

His grandfather replied, "Those plates are as clean
as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your
meal."

Later on that afternoon, while eating the hamburgers
his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks
around the edge of his plate, and a substance that
looked like dried egg yokes. So he asked again,
"Grandpa, are you sure these plates are clean?

Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather
replied, "I told you before, those dishes are as clean
as
cold water can get them, now don't ask me about it
anymore!"

Later on that afternoon, and feeling a bit queasy, he
decided to go to a nearby town for dinner. As he was
leaving, his Grandfather's dog started to growl, and
wouldn't let him pass. He called out, "Grandpa, your
dog won't let me out."

Without diverting his attention from the baseball game
he was watching, Grandpa shouted back, "Coldwater, get
your flea bitten a$$ out of the way!"

[Mr_Magoo]

Ways to annoy public bathroom stallmate

1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,
May I borrow a highlighter?"

2. Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4. Say, "Damn, this water's cold."

5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh @#$%! My glass eye!"

6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"

11. Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers."

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"


13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me."

14. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast.

15. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."

16. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

17. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

18. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

19. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say,
"Peek-a-boo!"

20. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free".