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Ways to annoy public bathroom stallmate

1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,
May I borrow a highlighter?"

2. Say, "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.

4. Say, "Damn, this water's cold."

5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh @#$%! My glass eye!"

6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."

10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"

11. Say, "Interesting... more floaters than sinkers."

12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"

13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me."

14. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast.

15. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."

16. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"

17. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.

18. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.

19. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say,
"Peek-a-boo!"

20. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free".

My family physician told me of an incident that actually happened
to him back in the early days of his practice.

He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined
right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription
for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in
right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R
with a circle around it.

Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby,
complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little
behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil.

The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the
pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label:

"Put two drops in R ear every four hours."