I agree with what you say about the media. But porn is by far for the most part designed to stimulate men sexually (and it's very competitive). I don't think the purveyors of porn are trying to send any message. They want men to be attracted (and even, better, addicted) to it, so that they pay up for their fixes. What bothers you is that what men fantasize about sexually doesnt' represent the reality of women's sexuality. That's true. Traditional sexual mores (marriage, chastity before marriage, etc.) were designed in part to tame men's inflamed sexuality. Those have been cast aside.
If I might jump in, this exactly true, and because of the addictive nature and need to for ever more intense 'imagery/fantasy' to achieve the same level of interst/stimulation in the sexually and morally 'numbed' receiver, the porn gets worse, the user gets more depraved (even if hidden), and it all spirals down.
The reverse can be acheived, but it is an uphill battle when porn is so pervasive and seemingly too few people perceive it's corrosive effects on society.
No, this is not what bothers me. I have nothing against fantasy. What bothers me is when people dictate to me what my sexuality is or is not or what it should or should not be.
IMO a valid criticism of porn is that it homogenizes sex to the point were indivual sexuality is not only not valued it is not tolerated. It turns into McSexuality a fad or a pretense. [The same thing has happened in food, music, home decor, clothing, etc]
Women have their own forms of fantasy. That is why romance novels are so popular. I'm sure many of them do not reflect the reality of men's sexuality either. As long as it is remains fantasy that's fine.