I, too, find comfort with the knowledge that my baby girl and baby boy are with God now. It's the only way I got through the first year or so. I can't imagine trying to explain it to a five year old -- my heart would break. If it helps, I can tell you that sticking to the truth in ways she can understand is the only way to handle it. You'll need to tell her something like the doctors did all they could, but that God wanted Forrest with Him, and that Forrest is a special angel who will always be with her.
It is imperative that she is not misled because it would destroy her sense of trust and possibly even her faith. Tell her that if it makes her sad, that it's okay to cry. But also make sure she knows that being with God is the most wonderful and beautiful place to be. It's a tightrope, and it can be difficult, but if you can lead your daughter through this without causing her to fear doctors OR God, then you have done a remarkable job.
My heart goes out to you -- all of you. I will pray that your daughter is given the capacity to understand that no one was the "bad guy" in this tragedy. And I also pray that you and the rest of your family are given peace in the wake of all that has happened. The pain is easier to bear when you let God take most of the weight from you.
God bless you all.
I'm sorry to learn of your twins. I know what kind of pain must have been dredged up for you when you read this thread. I know that several people have been reliving their sorrow for their lost children while reading it. I'd like to thank you and them for responding despite the pain. You've all been a blessing to me and my wife.
As to my daughter, we're keeping a close eye on her. I get the feeling that she's trying not feel sad about her brother. It may be that she's simply concerned about upsetting her mother and I. She's been on "Kleenex patrol", as my wife puts it, bringing us Kleenex whenever she find one of us crying.
She's been hard to read. Most of the time she seems to accept that Forrest is gone. But she's sometimes talked about the doctors "making Forrest better" or asked when we would be taking him home. At one point, she told me that she had decided that she didn't want a baby brother or baby sister; that she was happy being an only child. But then about 15 minutes later, she was talking about "when Mommy has another baby". I got the impression that she made the first comment because she realized that Mommy having another baby at some point would run the risk of going though this hurt again.
I've been trying to keep an eye on her artwork. She loves to draw and she's been making drawings related to Forrest. Mostly they're lots of hearts to "show that we love Forrest". She even did one of these to have placed in his coffin. In the last day or two, she's started to draw pictures with people in relation to Forrest. One is of her mother with a tear falling from one eye. But opposite the tear is a heart "because Mommy loves Forrest". The most interesting drawing is of a classmate who she says lost a baby sister. I don't know if they really lost a child or not, but she's also talked before about how sad her classmate is about her sister. I'm wondering if she isn't using her classmate as a proxy for herself; talking about how sad her classmate is rather than how sad she is.