The New Sex Scribes--Female columnists spark interest and controversy at student newspapers

Meghan Bainum spent much of her childhood at the piano, tapping out classical tunes that evoked places far from the pastures of Dover, Kan. She hoped to study music in college, move to a big city, and become a concert pianist. But after enrolling at the University of Kansas, she discovered that her passion was not intermezzo, but intercourse.

Ms. Bainum, who will be a senior this fall, found her true audience when she began writing a weekly sex column for the student newspaper last August. Since then, she has written about sex outdoors, sodomy laws, and masturbation. She has elaborated on how to keep loving "fresh" and the importance of "good ball-handling." She has delighted many readers and disgusted others by encouraging her peers to "shake off the weight of society and feel how good it is to be naked."

"She's created a little firestorm," says one Kansas administrator, who asked not to be named. "She has no shame and she has no fear."

As Ms. Bainum has learned, writing about sex for college readers can be exhilarating. Sex scribes -- almost all of them women -- often become instant celebrities on the campus. But there is scrutiny, too. A young woman who is independent, outspoken, and sexually confident might be seen as following in the hip footsteps of Carrie Bradshaw, the fictional sex columnist in HBO's Sex and the City. Or she might be scorned as sophomoric, a slut with a pen.

Although most student newspapers do not have sex writers, a small but growing number of women regularly give ink to their sex-related opinions at colleges across the nation.

Typically, these columnists attract much more interest than other writers. As Ms. Bainum was getting frank in the pages of The University Daily Kansan over the last year, sexually explicit columns caused a stir at several institutions, including Yale University, while columns by students with degrees in human sexuality made their debut at places like New York University.

Sex columns may take the form of graphic tales or health-related Q&A's, often relying on irreverent humor to make their points. The women who write them tend to describe themselves as social provocateurs who know what buttons to push, "guys' girls" with whom their male friends feel comfortable discussing sex and relationships. Some write with a feminist slant, invoking "grrrl power" to tackle a common theme: Many undergraduate men don't know -- and don't care to learn -- how to be good lovers.

While their writing styles and philosophies vary, the authors agree that there are many misconceptions about sex in college, specifically that campuses are carefree, erotic theme parks where all students are comfortable with sex.

"As college students, we're all about having sex, but we're still trying to figure out what it means ... to be sexual with another person," Ms. Bainum says. "In college, there are so many times when people are lying down in bed together," feeling uncomfortable. "College isn't prancing around naked. When you're young, coping with finals and stress, sex is a lot to deal with."

Ms. Bainum, 21, has given the matter a lifetime of thought. Her fascination with sex goes back as far as she can remember. There was that day she found her father's Playboy magazines, in which she caught the first glimpses of her sensual self. Staring into the airbrushed world of flesh and fantasy, Ms. Bainum says, awakened her curiosity about sex and made her open to discussing it.

"I was owning and operating my vagina long before I knew what I was doing with it," she says.

Souring on a career in music after coming to Kansas, she switched her major to journalism. She held down the Kansan's bars-and-bands beat before branching out. In her junior year she wrote a feature story on fetishes, conducting some of her research at sex shops.

After that, Ms. Bainum proposed writing a regular sex feature. She hoped to start something like "Sex on Tuesday," the popular sex column at the University of California at Berkeley's student newspaper, The Daily Californian. Only the Kansan hadn't run anything of the kind in recent memory. Her editors turned her down -- at first.

Eventually, Ms. Bainum got her chance. Her first column, "College is time to explore kinks, put sprinkles on the cupcakes," was a playful ode to sexual experimentation and no more suggestive than a beer commercial.

Not so her November 8 offering, "Beads, plugs fill your sexual void," which described the uses of specific sex toys.

The column "was a real showstopper," says Tom Eblen, then the general manager and news adviser at the Kansan. "My phone rang off the hook."

While many students were fans of Ms. Bainum's column by that point, some readers were not amused by the graphic descriptions of sex play. Alumni and residents of Lawrence left angry messages for administrators. A few high-school principals from around the state told the Kansan to stop mailing their subscriptions on Thursdays, when Ms. Bainum's column ran. "Some of the columns made me a little uncomfortable, but as Meghan's a very capable writer, she makes it work, and her editors stuck with her," Mr. Eblen says. "It would be a mistake to characterize her as a sex fiend, which is a temptation for some when they read things that are so explicit."

Ms. Bainum says she's endured unwanted advances at parties. "There's this perception that if I write about that I must be easy," Ms. Bainum says. "The fact is, I've written about stuff I haven't done."

Her flair for self-promotion, though, may distort her message, as far as some of her critics are concerned. Last fall, Ms. Bainum appeared on the cover of the Kansan's annual sex issue wearing only a bikini made of newspapers, further angering some readers.

Still, Ms. Bainum argues, there is more to her writing than sex and skin. Most of her columns emphasize not only safe sex but communication between partners.

Her least-graphic venture, "Connect, and keep sex fresh," celebrates monogamy: "There is something wonderful in knowing that person's love and passion are for you, and you only."

But soft, cuddly columns are less memorable than X-rated ones. Last December, Natalie Krinsky, the sex columnist at the Yale Daily News, wrote a column called "Spit or swallow? It's all about the sauce," a series of riffs on fellatio. In less than 2,000 words, Ms. Krinsky recalled childhood sexual experiments with produce, reported on the fat content of semen, tweaked Hamlet's most famous soliloquy to reframe the question posed in her title, and revealed her personal preference.

Ms. Krinsky, then a sophomore, didn't anticipate the thunderous response. Within days, the newspaper's online message board filled with hundreds of messages, some of which contained stinging criticisms.

The experience revealed a paradox of sexual norms. On the one hand, some readers obviously concluded that "nice girls" would never write what Ms. Krinsky had written. On the other, many readers applauded the columnist's openness and humor, admitting that few men would dare write a column on that subject.

"We can say a lot of things men can't," Ms. Krinsky says. "If a guy wrote what I wrote, he'd be called a chauvinist pig. But your average 21-year-old male doesn't analyze sex in the way that the average female does. Women dissect sex, relationships, dating, every single thing a guy might do. My writing reflects that and makes fun of that at the same time."

However raw her language, she's clear in her message: There is power in sexual knowledge and the expression thereof. The sharp double entendres in her weekly column, "Sex and the (Elm) City," are almost foils for her discussions of the very serious business of becoming not only sexually active, but sexually competent.

At Yale, students spend more time talking than doing, Ms. Krinksy says. "That's why having a column like this is important. Humor does solve everything."

"It's a touchy topic," says Angela Kluwin, the adviser for the Washington Square News at New York University. "We view this as advice people take seriously. But what do you put at the bottom of a sex column" that is written by a student with no credentials?

When Yvonne Fulbright pitched her "Sexpert" column to the editors of the Washington Square News last fall, they weren't completely sure about the idea.

Ms. Fulbright had no interest in cheap thrills, however. A doctoral student in health studies at NYU, she earned her master's degree in human sexuality education from the University of Pennsylvania.

Ms. Kluwin says Ms. Fulbright's interest in writing a column that was accessible to all readers -- male, female, straight, gay, or bisexual -- sold the editors. The Sexpert has become a hit.

Ms. Fulbright tries to balance her topics between sexual health and "racier" subjects: One week, genital warts; the next, the G spot. Roughly a third of her columns are prompted by readers.

"Among college students, there's this idea that other people are having more sex and better sex than they are," Ms. Fulbright says.

"I've been surprised by that, and by the number of students who come to college with wrong information -- about [sexually transmitted diseases], about condoms -- students who are uncomfortable about sex because they've been hearing this 'just say no' message all their lives."

For Ms. Fulbright, being the Sexpert is a major responsibility. "People turn to sex columnists to look for a sense of normalcy, for permission-giving. As a sexpert, I should be empowering, not opinionating, even though opinionating might make for better reading."

That's not to say that her prose is dull. In one recent column about a particular sexual maneuver, Ms. Fulbright capped a step-by-step instruction with characteristic gusto: "Drown yourself in her pleasures and moans. Then, go ahead -- ask her to do the same to you!"this story

College is just a very expensive and long networking session. Very little training is actually occurring.

And apprently the connections made are intimate. :)

Actually, I very much agree that one of the major points of college is the connections one makes - which is a strong argument for attending the most exclusive and most upper class college one can.

Actually, I very much agree that one of the major points of college is the connections one makes - which is a strong argument for attending the most exclusive and most upper class college one can.

If you aren't willing to consider what kinds of people your children are connecting with...

And that's the only reason I can think of for attandance at an Ivy. Everything else is for naught.

At $140K for an otherwise worthless AB, you'd better stretch that networking for all it's effing worth, too.

I'm sure she would have created even more of a firestorm, including picketers, stolen newspapers and calls for censorship by the administration, if she had been a conservative political columnist -- especially a pro-life one.

You have no idea how right you are. As a Kansas grad, one of my teaching assistants had written for the campus newspaper much like this Bainum ho. However, most of her columns were about religion, her pro-life views, and morality in contrast to the university which seemed to teach the opposite. Although she was totally qualified to recieve a teaching job there, she was blackballed by the KU faculty for her pro-life views. She sued the university and WON.

And yet another....."Hey, look, I discovered I have a vagina" kid.

To be followed by the "Hey, look, I have a penis" kid.

I must be slow and old.

I'm still marveling at all that can be done with my eight fingers and two thumbs.

...........Now that's something to write about!

We surely want our daughters to meet and associate with well-brought-up young gentlemen from good families, cultured and accomplished, and with some ambition and good prospects. Sort of what I imagine most parents want. I'm far mellower than my parents were or their parents about such matters: I'm not asking to see sixteen quarterings of arms or membership in particular clubs or patriotic societies - questions asked seriously in my parents' families a generation ago, but I'm sure even if unconsiously I have a profile in mind. We must rely on the Christian training and education we have given our daughters, and the values we have demonstrated and ecouraged in them, and hope and pray that the young men they bring home will be gentlemen, treat them well, provide for them well, and be concerned with their happiness.

Two University of Kansas students eye a wall of vibrators and other sex toys at Priscilla´s, 1206 W. 23rd St., to broaden their sexual horizons.

Link.

Ms. Bainum says she's endured unwanted advances at parties.

The term "unwanted advances" has always baffled me. What the heck does it mean? What's an "advance"? There is no "advance" that's not easily ended with a healthy, "F%$k off, loser". Any guy within an earshot, especially ones who the female might want advances from, will happily make sure the loser f$%ks off. Not to mention the total embarassment.....

We surely want our daughters to meet and associate with well-brought-up young gentlemen from good families... I'm far mellower than my parents were or their parents about such matters... We must rely on the Christian training and education we have given our daughters, and the values we have demonstrated and ecouraged in them, and hope and pray that the young men they bring home will be gentlemen, treat them well, provide for them well, and be concerned with their happiness.

Surely you must realize that by sending your daughters to an Ivy league school, you will be immersing them in everything that is the antithesis of Christianity. They will be encouraged to engage in all sorts of sexual activites, including homosexual ones, they will be disdained and scorned for having any traditional Christian values. If they are pro-life, they will be spat upon. If they should happen to support those brave men and women who are currently defending our country against horrible evil, they will be disdained. They will be ridiculed if they resist the drug culture. Ivy League universities are best represented today by people like Bill and Hillary Clinton. Beware!!

I'd have to see her first. But why not? She sounds like a real firecracker.

Go ahead and marry her. You'll be the hundreth one to be close to her. And I bet she won't stay faithful to you for more than a ... month?

There are colleges and univesrsities as elite and upper-class as the ivy league, which are more conservative in their general philosophy and the students they attract, some in the mid-West, some in the South, perhaps a few in the West and one or two in New England.

A much better choice, I would think.

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