Posted on 05/13/2002 1:16:06 AM PDT by Snow Bunny
A duck walked into a pharmacy. He asked the pharmacist "Do you have any grapes?" "No, but the grocery store two blocks down sells grapes." he replied.
The next day, the same duck walked into the same pharmacy and asked "Do you have any grapes?" "No, two blocks down on the right." replied the pharmacist somewhat annoyed.
The third day, the same duck walked back into the same pharmacy and asked the same question. This time the pharmacist said "We don't sell grapes here. You have asked for grapes now for three days in a row. I have told you we don't sell them here, this is a pharmacy not a grocery store. If you come back in here tomorrow asking for grapes again, I am going to nail your little webbed feet to the floor, NOW GET OUT OF HERE!"
The next day the same duck walks back into the same pharmacy, this time with quite a bit of trepidation. He looked around and asked the pharmacist "Do you have any nails?" "No" replied the pharmacist. "Well then... Do you have any grapes?"
The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH!!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.
If men would only listen.
That was a good one Victoria, LOL!!
I love it. hahhaahahahahahahaha
Good to see you Victoria. Love the outfits too.
Not satisfied, he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of about 80 percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear.
"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any."
"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety three."
"Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world."
The little sweetheart of a lady strutted down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said, "It's easy, I just outlived the sons of bitches."
LOL, it's a cute duck too, hahahaha.
Speaking of religion. I can't remember if I told y'all this or not...
I guess I missed y'all or something, but I'm in a rambling mood. Sorry...
Anyway, have you ever woke up from a dream, in the middle of the night, in a fit of laughter?
I dreamt Jesus came back. I looked around and all these people were rising up in the air. Guess who wasn't rising? ME!!! Well, I was with my daughter, and she was floating away, so I grabbed on to her legs and held on for dear life. I got to heaven, and I knew I wasn't suppose to be there, so I snuck around and was hiding behind all these bushes and everything, hoping God wouldn't see me and send me to hell. It was real "Mission Impossible" type stuff. I think the mission impossible theme song was playing in the back ground of my dream, hiding from God.
ROFL!! I woke up laughing and crying, thinking what an hysterical dream to think I could hide from God in heaven. That he wouldn't know I was there. LOL (I wonder what that dream meant? Kinda scary, but still a hoot)!
The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What's your name?" he asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ... That's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed, "Darling. My name is John Darling."
"Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . . "
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