WAS JESUS GOD'S NEPHEW? NEW SCANDAL ROCKS CATHOLIC CHURCH

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[Sir Gawain]

"An Irish priest who has repeatedly stated he does not believe Jesus Christ was the son of God has resigned." — CNN, May 8, 2002

WAS JESUS GOD'S NEPHEW?
NEW SCANDAL ROCKS CATHOLIC CHURCH

Bishops and Parishioners Knew About, Covered Up Heretical Opinions

Dublin, Ireland (SatireWire.com) — In a scandal that promises to further rock the Catholic Church, the resignation Wednesday of an Irish priest who long-believed Jesus was not the son of God has led to accusations against dozens of fellow clerics who allegedly believed Jesus was actually the nephew of God, the second cousin of God, or in one case, just a close family friend.

In New Orleans, La., parishioners say Father Dennis Bycewitz has been hinting that Jesus was adopted. Responds Bycewitz: "Maybe. I said maybe."

"I've kept this inside me for years, but growing up, our parish was led to believe that Jesus was somebody God knew from boarding school," asserted Padraig Mulroney, 38, of Dublin.

"Our priest thought Jesus was God's daughter, Eunice, who only happened to look very masculine due to a recurring problem with hirsutism," said Mary Clarke, 54, of Galway.

Asked why she hadn't stepped forward until now, Clarke blushed. "Facial hair is such an embarrassing issue for girls," she said. "We promised to say nothing about it."

More startling revelations came from parishioners in the Archdiocese of Boston, who now claim the church has long covered up the problem. While the Irish priest, the Rev. Andrew Furlong, said he has privately doubted Jesus' identity for the past 30 years, a minister serving in Roxbury, Mass., during the 1980s openly told his followers that Jesus was the Duchess of Cornwall.

Instead of defrocking the cleric for his belief in the Duchess — who was then Princess Diana — critics allege he was quietly transferred to another parish, where church officials looked the other way when the singing of Agnus Dei was replaced by Elton John's greatest hits.

In the wake of Father Furlong's resignation from his parish, many devout Roman Catholics say they will now error on the side of caution when suspecting priestly transgressions. In Los Angeles, 29-year-old Julio Sanchez said his priest has never actually stated that Jesus was not God's son, but he filed a complaint with diocesan elders anyway "because lately masses have ended with, 'In the name of the Father, His neighbor, and the Holy Ghost, Amen.'"

Accused members of the priesthood, meanwhile, have reacted by retreating into long bouts of introspection and prayer.

"I used to believe Jesus was the son of God, but now I think he was probably just someone God saw at parties," said Father Martin Kilgore of Glasgow, Scotland. "I know the church does not support me in this, and so I will petition for guidance to Saint Anthony, who I believe is the same man who comes to read my gas meter once a month."

[Sir Gawain]

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[pgkdan]

This idiot was Church of Ireland...not Roman Catholic.

[stainlessbanner]

Jesus was adopted

((Gasp!))

[pgkdan]

"An Irish priest who has repeatedly stated he does not believe Jesus Christ was the son of God has resigned." — CNN, May 8, 2002

This is the idiot to whom I am referring...not the priest mentioned in the satire.

[stevio]

You know this is a joke.

[blackbart1]

Me thinks (Political Humor/Cartoons) should be at the top of this thread. Good grief... :-)

[vin-one]

You know this is a joke.

I had to go back and check the tag, Just to make sure.

[Hibernius Druid]

the current scandalum magnatum

Might not you mean scandalum magnum?

[exmarine]

This is more disgusting news from a decaying church. Heresy, pure and simple. NO, more than that - it's BLASPHEMY! "If you do not believe I am who I say I am, you will die in your sins" <------ who said that??

[exmarine]

Was this a joke? Impugning the deity and person of Jesus Christ is no joke pal. It offends me and I'm sure it offends Christ! You are a piece of work.

[BlackElk]

Umm, it was a joke, a joke in poor taste, but a joke. Lighten up. Without us, Irish Catholics that is [Irish monks painstakingly handcopying the texts as mainland European libraries were burned by pagan invaders], you wouldn't have heard of the Bible.

[BlackElk]

Consider the possibility that you are often wrong but never uncertain and that any Christian who rejects tradition and the guide of the papacy must necessarily believe that the Bible speaks for itself and does not need yet more in the way of folks who are absolutely sure that their individual interpretation (there is no other word that will do) is the Word of God. As a matter of fact, isn't a hissy fit sort of a work? Just asking! [and only because of the unnecessary attack on the Roman Catholic Church as "decaying" when you know that RCC will be here to the end of the world, as guaranteed.)

[BlackElk]

You didn't actually use the word heresy, did you?

[ex-snook]

This idiot was Church of Ireland...not Roman Catholic.

Righto. The article headline writer is an anti-Catholic bigot. I wouldn't demean the word idiot to apply to him. Idiots can be mistaken.

[exmarine]

Consider the possibility that you are often wrong but never uncertain and that any Christian who rejects tradition and the guide of the papacy must necessarily believe that the Bible speaks for itself and does not need yet more in the way of folks who are absolutely sure that their individual interpretation (there is no other word that will do) is the Word of God. As a matter of fact, isn't a hissy fit sort of a work? Just asking! [and only because of the unnecessary attack on the Roman Catholic Church as "decaying" when you know that RCC will be here to the end of the world, as guaranteed.)

Anyone who believes the dribble in this thread is no believer in Jesus Christ. Unless you have another bible or evidence that presents a truth other than what the bible teaches about the identity of Jesus Christ or the way to salvation, then the bible stands. There is no possible way anyone with an objective brain can interpret "Son of God" to be "nephew" or "adopted son". It is not a matter if interpretation when you print "satire" like this - it's a matter of DISRESPECT and BLASPHEMY. Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth and the life and no one comes to the Father but by me." [jn 14:6] Interpret that for me. Also, there is only ONE correct interpretation of the bible - the one that the writer intended. You can call an apple an orange all day long but any discerning person will see the truth.

[exmarine]

Do you think it's okay to tell jokes like this? And you are catholic? This simply reinforces my point about the decay of the RCC. Thanks for the reinforcement.

[exmarine]

Oh, and by the way, YOU had nothing to do with the Irish monks who transcribed the scriptures. That was 1200 years ago. They would excommunicate the likes of you.

[arthurus]

This idiot was Church of Ireland...

and as such, just how is this news??