Careers are 'making women miserable'

Daily Telegraph ^ | April 25, 2002 | Paul Stokes

[Korth]

WOMEN have become unhappier as a result of concentrating more on their careers than the family role they once fulfilled, an academic claims in a new book.

Prof James Tooley believes the feminist revolution of the 1960s and 1970s brought about huge changes in attitudes which have not be conducive to motherhood.

In his book, The Miseducation of Women, published next month, he suggests many professional woman would have been more contented by staying at home and bringing up children.

He draws comparisons with the film character Bridget Jones, a love-hungry young woman in publishing who becomes a television presenter and craves a stable relationship rather than being left "a singleton".

Prof Tooley, professor of education policy at Newcastle University, considers that the role of housewife has been "desperately undervalued" in society.

He argues that schools should allow girls to concentrate on the arts and domestic science rather than being pushed towards subjects such as engineering and computer science in an attempt at sexual equality.

Prof Tooley, 42, who is single with no children, said yesterday: "The Bridget Jones effect is growing in society. Women find themselves successful in their careers and unhappy in their lives.

Domesticity has been degraded over the year, particularly by feminists in the 1970s who used the phrases 'parasite' and `leach' to describe the housewife.

"I expect career women will react very strongly against me and to even suggest women would be happier in the home has become almost a taboo. We need to cull a few sacred cows and start a debate on the subject. That is what I am trying to do."

He describes his book as "largely a think piece", based on a study of more than 100,000 men and women in Britain and America by the National Bureau of Economic Research.

Its findings led him to examine the way the education system was shaping the way women lead their lives.

Among his assertions are that women who were pushed into science as pupils and embarked on careers such as law and accountancy are unhappy by the time they reach 30.

Prof Tooley, from Rothbury, Northumblerland, said: "I'm not suggesting we ban girls from the labs, but my research shows that 30 per cent of young women are unhappier with their lives than previous generations were, while young men now seem happier than previous generations were."

Prof Tooley believes the "Bridget Jones generation" was spawned by the feminist revolution.

"Feminists went right to what they thought was the root of the problem. They looked at schooling to change the situation. The Sex Discrimination Act of 1975 and the introduction of the National Curriculum in 1988 are, in a way, products of that, and they've transformed what is taught in school.

"But this means that the curriculum is now designed according to the feminist idea that girls should be following the model that was set down for boys. That is, pursuing a career at the expense of all other things.

"I suggest that this is pushing girls in a direction they don't want to take and there's a whole generation of working women who don't want to be there."

[ellery]

WOMEN DON'T TAKE WORK SERIOUSLY AND SHOULD IN FACT STAY HOME AND LET THE MEN TEND TO BUSINESS.

Okay, I'll bite. It's absurd to generalize about large, diverse populations like "women" or "men." Some women will be happier at home, and some women will be happier working. As long as any children that are part of the family are getting plenty of love and attention from both mom and dad, what's the problem? Boy, you men are such sexists. (SMILE!)

[bandlength]

"woman with a double degree and no job history who was told at age 44 that her degree didn't mean anything since hadn't worked."

usually it is QUITE the opposite (anyways here in NY it is; especially if you happen to be >30)

[olivia3boys]

There is possibly one problem: it is definitely harder to get "plenty of love and attention from both mom and dad" when that child is in full-time day care.

[bandlength]

i LUV farmnlogit's hasty generalization. i take my job VERY seriously (when i'm not laid off), much more so than the guys on the job (especially the young ones) because i have to put bread on the table for my kids.

i'm always known for the best and hardest working employee in the bldg.

[ellery]

I agree that the ideal situation is not full-time daycare. That said, a full-time, stay-at-home mom is not the only good option (e.g., dad might enjoy staying at home while mom works, both parents might take part-time jobs, extended families might be involved with part-time child care). The key is that each family works out what's best for them...isn't individualism-with-responsibility a core conservative value?

[olivia3boys]

Yes--but one problem is that stay-at-home-dads and good part-time jobs are quite rare (the best way to get a good-paying one is to start at full-time and negotiate down to P/T later). Also, working two shifts (like when one parent works the graveyard shift) is apparently really hard on marriages. And I think parents need to be careful when they decide on a solution that is supposedly "best for the family" when it might not actually be best for the children too. Not that the kids should always come first necessarily, but you know what I mean.

[Intimidator]

I will venture to offer a different side of this coin. Many "housewives" are miserable as well. My wife has a career and has never stayed at home (other than the times when our two sons were infants). I would categorize our relationship as happier than most. Because we both work, there are no financial problems and neither of us have pressure to "bring home the bacon" so we can BOTH put the family ahead of the job. We share household chores and even have the kids pitch in. Every two weeks, we have a maid service clean the house top to bottom so all we really worry about day to day is laundry and cooking (and yard work in the summer). Not that I think there is anything wrong with stay-at-home moms. I'm just saying that not all women with careers need be miserable. It really depends on how husband and wife are willing to work things out.

This is the best and most well thought out response yet

[Harrison Bergeron]

"My wife is at home and 100% happy. I know, because I'm not happy unless she is happy, and I am HAPPY!"

LOL! Ditto. Well said! And our son has bonded with his parents rather than a shifting staff of "daycare providers."

[SamAdams76]

You are right, it is certainly more hectic when both parents work. But it can be made to work and people need not be miserable. That was the point of my reply. Unless my wife is lying to me, women with careers are not necessarily miserable.

I should note that in my situation, I am a manager and somewhat flexible in when I can work at home (thank God for laptops, cell phones and the Internet!). My wife supports mainframe applications and can do her job anywhere with an Internet connection. So she can work at home whenever the need arises. Not every working couple has that luxury so in fairness, I should make my situation more clear.

Neither of us aspire to be an executive or an entrepreneur. So long hours is not a problem for us. We can both get home at a reasonable hour each day and have weekends and holidays off. We both have both sacrificed the "fast track" and yet our incomes put together equal that of an average executive. There are many executives who put in 100-hour (or more) weeks and are never home for the kids. In those situations, it would be crazy for the wife to work as well. Yet even a stay-at-home wife would quickly get fed up with a workaholic husband who is never around. Many marriages have failed due to this.

So I believe we have achieved the best of both worlds.

[SuziQ]

I know, because I'm not happy unless she is happy, and I am HAPPY!

If Mama ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy!

[olivia3boys]

Sounds good! (Not that you needed my approval.) Be very careful with the daycare arrangements though. Most daycares are truly substandard. (It sounds like your kids are older though, so I assume they're mostly in school.)

[Intimidator]

I think the majority of women who work and are unhappy is because their sorry a$$ husbands don't do any of the housework. Thats why its so hectic. My wife is a schoolteacher in a Christian school and she would be very miserable if I didn't do all the laundry, help with cleaning, and do half the cooking.

[Harrison Bergeron]

Of course, "to each, his own." But the feminist party line is that all housewives and stay-at-home moms are miserable victims of the evil patriarchy. Suggesting that there are many working women who regret childlessness or the time not spent with their children angers feminists. It's a truth they'd rather not discuss.

[Artist]

Bump for a later read.

[Harrison Bergeron]

"I think the majority of women who work and are unhappy is because their sorry a$$ husbands don't do any of the housework."

What a totally bigoted and ignorant thing to say.

Men Do Fair Share of Household Work Survey Says (Warren Farrell Study)

[Aric2000]

As soon as my wife became Pregnant, she looked at me and said, I am done working, I am going to be a stay at home mom. I said great, no problem. We decided to homeschool, so she is now NEVER going back to "work" as far as she is concerned. Raising our children is much more satisfying to her then any job would be.

It makes me happy as well, I make the money, I come home to loving and intelligent children and usually a pretty happy wife. She LOVES her job, and let me tell you, IT IS A FULLTIME job!!!

I do my best to make sure that we can afford to keep it that way, but if the government doesn't quit taking 1/2 my paycheck, we're gonna have to move into an RV or something!! LOL And don't think we wouldn't if that is what it took to afford to keep my wife at home and my children homeschooled.

[ladyjane]

The women who are really miserable are the ones who gave up a career they wanted to stay home with the children (because that's what they had agreed upon with their husbands) and then the husbands took off and conveniently *forgot* about the agreement. A fifty year old woman without work experience (outside the home) cannot easily find a job--even with a Ph.D or especially with a Ph.D.

[SamAdams76]

A husband who insists his working wife do all the housework is a jerk. I do pretty much all the cooking in my house because, I'm not afraid to admit it, I like cooking and prefer it that way. I even clean up afterwards including the dishes. My wife basically does the laundry but I'll pitch in. I'll help her put the stuff away when it is done and I have all my work clothes dry-cleaned and pressed anyhow at Zoots. I usually take the dirty clothes down to the basement for her and the kids sort them out into piles most of the time. I am the one who insists on maid service because I do not want her (or myself) dusting, scrubbing floors, bathrooms, windows, etc., when we are both working full-time. This gives us much more time to spend with the kids after work.

[ladyjane]

What a totally bigoted and ignorant thing to say.

LOL. Subtle. Remember when Chevy Chase used to say to Jane Curtin, "Jane, you're an incredibly ignorant slut!"