Careers are 'making women miserable'

Daily Telegraph ^ | April 25, 2002 | Paul Stokes

[Hawkeye's Girl]

I agree, except that if society wants to return to the old school view of the sexes, it's going to have to make some exceptions. Sometimes Mom has to provide the cash because Dad is physically unable to work, and sometimes Dad has to clean up the house because Mom was lost to cancer. The traditional ways are the best, but those who can't do that with their own families shouldn't be looked down upon. Life throws everyone some curveballs.

[GussiedUp]

No guy wants a leech for a wife.

My husband requested that I stay at home with our son, something he wasn't able to enjoy with his own mother. I came from a home where mom stayed at home as well, so I was happy to comply as I can think of no other job I would want. He supports us and does not think of me as a leech, thank you very much.

[CyberCowboy777]

That is not for you or the State to deicide.

[Hawkeye's Girl]

Um, did you actually read my post?

I said I want to get married, have kids, and stay home, but since I haven't found that guy yet, I might as well support myself so I'm not mooching off of him while we're dating when I do find him.

I definately don't think you're a leech either :-)

[wardaddy]

In all candor ..it meant I was particularly good at seeking cover when need be in Sierra Leone. I was a civilian there to exploit natural resouces....and not a professional soldier.

[GussiedUp]

I know this is a long shot but do you feel any responsibility for making bad choices in a mate? Or is it STILL all the woman's fault?

[Mamzelle]

Sigh. So we should train up our daughters to be homemakers (like myself, BTW)with such poor prospects to achieve this position? Mine is a rare privilege, getting rarer. My daughter will be able to support herself, but I hope she'll be in a position to enjoy a home and family as I have.

I meet no men who really want their wives at home. THEY WANT THE INCOME. Not to mention the bragging rights of a two-career marriage.

That they won't pitch in with the housework is more a factor of immaturity and selfishness than the more usual accusation of sexism.

But I can tell the writer of this article that men are made miserable by their careers, as well.

[wardaddy]

I probably would not have been your first choice for marriage granted but I have always been a very good boss to the women who have worked for me. I'm soft as putty and I certainly never harrassed any of them. I don't really understand boorish harrassment behavior, I've never "wanted" a woman who didn't "want" me in like fashion. Forcing myself on a woman even if merely persistent begging for a date is alien to me.

[wardaddy]

I like to cook too...but shhh!!....don't tell anyone on this thread....I've got a facade thing going.

[Green Knight]

Nice to hear that.

I am a female physics major who's graduating this year from my college and then going over to the local University to get a Master's in Electrical Engineering. My reasoning is simple. I want to get married, have kids, and stay home with them; unfortunately, I'm still single while all my friends are either engaged or in long term relationships. So I might as well be able to support myself in a field that I enjoy while I keep looking. No guy wants a leech for a wife.

I don't know about anyone else, but I certainly wouldn't consider a woman who was willing to stay home and raise our children a "leech". "Devoted and loving mother" is the first thing that springs to mind, actually, but that's just me. Though I do consider it wise having skills so you can find a job in case the marriage doesn't work out or your husband meets an untimely demise.

[Hawkeye's Girl]

You're the second person to miss the entire point of my post :-)

I want to get married, have kids, and stay home with them. Having a job is a backup.

[bourbon]

are you a Portuguese diamond merchant? :-)

[Lorianne]

Women find themselves successful in their careers and unhappy in their lives.

I'm sure women are smart enough to figure out what to do. I trust them to figure it out. Frankly, I'm not concerned. As long as one has the FREEDOM to decide how to run his/her own life, thats a hell of a lot right there.

In a free society, where one has the latitude to choose how to run your own life, if you're not happy you've only yourself to blame. Either way, it's a hell of a lot better to be unhappy with your own choices than to be unhappy with what you're restricted to doing. I'll take the former form of unhappiness if I have to chose.

Domesticity has been degraded over the year, particularly by feminists in the 1970s who used the phrases 'parasite' and `leach' to describe the housewife

Domesticity was "degraded" (I chose the term devalued) long before feminists came along. How many men lorded their paychecks over their spouse proclaiming "As long as I bring home the bacon, you'll do what I say" ? That devalues work in the home right there. Paycheck = power. Paycheck = dominion over others. Men should be happy. Women paid close attention to what they said, took careful notes and agreed with them that paycheck = power. Is is any wonder why women sought a paycheck on our society? Maybe something about not being valued as a contributing member of society if she worked in the home instead of working for a paycheck? Maybe people have an innate avoidance of being devalued based on their occupation?

[Lorianne]

"I suggest that this is pushing girls in a direction they don't want to take and there's a whole generation of working women who don't want to be there."

I suggest that we let girls/women decide what they want to do and what they don't want to do. We don't have to push them in any direction. Hardly anyone gets it 100% right the first shot. Let people alone to figure out things for themselves. How many teens know exactly what they want out of life? If they make a mistake, let it be. People learn from mistakes.

If someone is unhappy in their occupation, they know what to do. Change it! It is not rocket science. Millions of people change careers at all points in their lives. I give the the leeway to make that choice on their own.

Women don't need people to tell them how to run their lives, nor do they need coddlers willing to listen them whine about their own choices. The important thing in a free society is to HAVE choices in how your set up your life.

[Lorianne]

Prof Tooley believes the "Bridget Jones generation" was spawned by the feminist revolution.

Bridget Jones is a whiny fictional character. Better to call it the Whiney ME Generation. It has nothing to do with "feminism" and everything to do with whining and sitting on your @ss blaming others for your choices and feeling sorry for yourself. I never saw such a whiny portrayal of a woman in all my life as "Bridget Jones".,

[Zack Nguyen]

I am sorry that you're not happy. God bless and check out the New Testament, Book of Romans Chapter 8, Verse 1.

[riley1992]

PLEASE!! Don't propogate their agenda by labeling yourself a 'stay at home Mom'!

That is ludicrous. That is precisely what I am and have no problem whatsoever wearing that 'label'. If you take umbrage with it, maybe you are the one who needs to re-evaluate. You can label me whatever your heart desires but to my girls, I am their mom who is always at home when they need me. They couldn't care less about my label so neither should you.