....ROTFL
Posted on 03/14/2002 6:46:11 AM PST by Billie
The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "My dearest, you have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck."
....ROTFL
WHEW, what a relief !!!!!
You had me sooooo worried.
Think he is on to something there?
First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from those, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy.
I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute indigestion, besides gastritis and rheumatism. I don't know how I pulled through it.
It was the hardest spelling test I've ever had.
We can't foresee the turning of the tide
When problems beset us and tears are cried.
Sometimes life deals from the bottom of the deck
Filling us with worry and leaving us a wreck.
The enemy seeks to devour and destroy,
Using deceptions to eliminate our joy.
While walking through the valley, our heads hung low,
The mountain top seems so high, our footsteps slow.
How many times have we traveled this road
To battle the frustrations of troubles bestowed?
Yet when we come to our darkest hour
God demonstrates His infinite power.
It doesn't matter how bad things might seem,
He always comes through, our faith to redeem.
God will not fail us in our times of pain.
He'll never forsake us, by our side He'll remain.
So when we find ourselves at a total loss
Or when the valley seems too wide to cross,
Just remember you're in His love and care,
Look over your shoulder, He's always there!
...ROTFL
A policeman was interrogating three blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hides it.
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The first blonde answers: "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...he has one eye because the picture shows his PROFILE, a SIDE VIEW. That's just ONE SIDE of him!"
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for five seconds at the second blonde and asks her:
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says:
"Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds: "What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?!"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks: "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says: "Hmmmm... the suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer! Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file, and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it... it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy," the blonde replied.
"He can't wear regular glasses, because he only has one eye and one ear!"
Ahh! But what was Ork's bosses' name?
...SpookBrat
"Go ahead, try it!" he says.
The guy grabs the rope and pulls it down to the floor, but fails to let go and the rope yanks him up and he bangs his head on the bell on his way up, knocking him unconscious. He falls out of the window to the street below, and to his death.
A crowd gathers below and Quasi runs down to where the dead applicant is lying dead in the street. A passerby asks, "Hey Quasimodo, you know this fellow?"
"No," says Quasimodo, "but his face rings a bell...."
About a month later, the brother of the dead applicant comes to the Cathedral to apply for the same job. Again, Quasimodo explains how to ring the bell.
"Try it!" he says.
And again the applicant grabs the rope but forgets to let go, banging his own head on the bell and falling to his death on the street below.
Again, Quasi races down to the street and another pedestrian asks, "Yo, Quasimodo, you know this guy?"
"Nope, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
I'm printing this and saving it for when a telemarketer calls and asks 'how are you today?' hehehehe
What a fantabulous idea. Brilliant of you, AFVG!
Oh, T Man - I am so touched. I didn't know you cared so muchlittle. I take back all those uglynice thoughts I had about you now.
You know what I mean. :^)
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