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Thanks for your e-mail reply, but Ayn Rand was a female, and females get the kids, the house, child support and everything. The father gets nothing. I think if a relationship is completely horrible, a guy will get out, other than that, he will stick it out even if it's bad, if there are kids envolved. That is if he loves his kids. That's me. I really would like to feel a true and loving relationship but it's not going to happen..ever! I tried to talk to my wife into a separation seven years ago. We separated but she talked me into getting back together to try and work things out. I did that and she got pregnant during that time. I hated her for that but at the same time I loved her for the times we had and she was the mother of my child. So I stuck it out. But today I still have a wondering eye. I really want to feel that romantic feeling. I have talked about leaving, but my wife first said she would take the kids away from me. Because her parents live out of town and she would need support. That was then, but now, she talked my great aunts into giving us money to buy a house, which they did. But now she says that if we separate that she wants the house, and how could I throw her and the kids out of the house? I would have a hard time doing that, but at the same time, I cant afford to pay her for the mortgage and live myself. But I love my kids and want the best for them too. I'm a sucker with a good heart.

But what's going to happen next? Well for sure I'm going to look around and try and find out what kind of women might want to be with a guy like me who has two kids. I've met a couple of women that gave me games but no comittment. Bloody hell it was the run around. I loved the romance but I'm not willing to take a chance with my life anymore. Here's one example: Now, moving on to the big stuff. I value what you say. That is how I keep getting back to this (communicating). We met under some strange circumstances (the emails). You have proven to be a good friend, I appreciate that. We are honest with each other, right? I have to say that the way you are handling your marriage bothers me a little. I also have to ask myself what you are doing with this whole 'finding another relationship' thing. Dont you feel that really endangers you, your kids, your wife? It seems unfair, or maybe just not right to do that to your family. (Do I sound like your brother?) On the other hand, is it fair to someone else, like me, maybe, to only get that part of you that you can spare? So that you can protect the life you have built with your family, but still have passion, love, or excitement, whatever it is you really want (I'm not sure what that is....) whenever it's good or easy for you? I'm not trying to cause hurt or cast any judgment on you, just trying to sort it out or come to terms with it, it keeps coming up in my mind. I loved this woman but it was all just words.