Posted on 02/25/2002 10:37:25 AM PST by Intimidator
interesting, i shower my wife with attention (good kind) and it seems to turn her off, she takes it for granted, it annoys her, she pushes me away, she rolls over in bed and says she's tired. it's almost like she would rather be mistreated. is my marriage over? possibly. i've been trying for a year to do everything i can to get her involved, Intimate Life, church "genogram" stuff, she simply is not interested in working on it. she's burned out on our two daughters, she doesn't "have the energy" to put into our marriage.
should i cheat on her? (believe me, i have plenty of opportunity)
not always. please read my post 286 above, and tell me if i would be justified, or if i should get a divorce first.
They write them because they have nagging wives, or the feminazis influence them, and they are just trying to grease the squeaky wheel.
communication is required both ways you materialistic dolt.
It sounds to me like what you interpret as positive attention may not be what she interprets as such. Learn to listen. Ask questions if she's not talking but listen. If she doesn't know or doesn't explain it then tell her how it makes you feel. No accusations, just explain your side because you don't really know her side unless she tells you.
I am guessing here, but is this just about sex? If it is it might be your wifes sex drive has diminished after the kids were born, and a doctor could help her with that (though you'd better be very very careful how you approach THAT subject). If it is deeper, emotional, then my first suggestion should help.
There are two reasons why I do not want to deal with Christian marriage. The first is that Christian doctrines on this subject are extremely unpopular. The second is that I have never been married myself, (he was married later in life after this book was written) and therefore, can only speak at it secondhand. But in spite of that, I feel I can hardly leave the subject out in an account of Christian morals.
The Christian idea of marriage is based on Christ's words that a man and wife are to be regarded as a single organism - for that is what the words "one flesh" would be in modern English. And the Christians believe that when He said this He was not expressing a sentiment but stating a fact - just as one is stating a fact when one says a lock and a key are one mechanism, or that a violin and a bow are one musical instrument. The inventor of the human machine was telling us that its two halves, the male and the female, were made to be combined together in pairs, not simply on the sexual level, but totally combined. The monstrosity of sexual intercourse outside marriage is that those who indulge in it are trying to isolate one kind of union (the sexual) from all the other kinds of union which were intended to go along with it and make up the total union. The Christian attitude does not mean that there is anything wrong about sexual pleasure, any more than about the pleasure of eating. It means that you must not isolate that pleasure and try to get it by itself, any more than you ought to try to get the pleasures of tasting without swallowing and digesting, by chewing things and spitting them out again.
** If you cheat on your wife, the woman with whom you cheat will just be someone you chew up and spit out, and that's all you can be to her.
Cheap shot, sir. You assume that I must not be trustworthy, which is about as far from the truth as you can be. I am so honest it's painful, and anybody who knows me, from former employers to close friends will tell you I'm very trustworthy, and dependable to a fault. It's not my trustworthiness that I'm referring to, it's women's. Most women that I've met, or know, are not trustworthy. Not even the church-going ones. They all seem to practice a form of situation ethics, and I've seen them sell out friends, aquaintances, and strangers with the same disregard and oblivion to the consequences of their actions. Whatever benefits them is right, and whatever they have to do to receive benefits is right. It's sickening!
The rest of your post is good, and I've been practicing a lot of those things already. The missing ingredient is having recipients available who are worthy of that kind of attention. I've met some diamonds in the rough, and attempted to help them become the gem I could see, and only one of them actually came back and admitted that she blew it with me, and apologized for treating me badly when I treated her so well. The one thing I could not overcome with her was her need for someone with large sums of money. We've become good friends, and she has her money connection, so that's all it will ever be. She was a gem, though...
I have been married to one woman for 39 years. She's still as attractive to me now as she was all those years ago. In all of those years I have tried to give her a guy wrenching orgasm every time we have had sex. I would say that I have been 99% successful.
Giving a woman an orgasm is not always easy and frequently turns into real work. The best kind of work a man can do. Many times the "big thing" with a lot of foreplay will do but there are other times when when you must use oral or manual methods. Without pleasing her I could never be satisfied.
If I left my wife unsatisfied I would feel that I might as well have gone in the closet and jacked off to a picture of Hillary Clinton.
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