MY SOUTH

Ever Vigilant ^ | Robert St. John

[sheltonmac]

Thirty years ago I visited my first cousin in Virginia. While hanging out with his friend, the discussion turned to popular movies of the day. When I offered my two-cents on the authenticity and social relevance of the movie Billy Jack, one of the boys asked, in all seriousness; "Do you guys have movie theaters down there?" To which I replied, "Yep. We wear shoes too."

Just three years ago, my wife and I were attending a food and wine seminar in Aspen, Colorado. We were seated with two couples from Las Vegas. One of the Glitter Gulch gals was amused and downright rude when I described our restaurant as a fine-dining restaurant. "Mississippi doesn't have fine-dining restaurants!" she demanded and nudged her companion. I fought back the strong desire to mention that she lived in the land that invented the 99-cent breakfast buffet.

I wanted badly to defend my state and my restaurant with a 15-minute soliloquy and public relations rant that would surely change her mind. It was at that precise moment that I was hit with a blinding jolt of enlightenment, and in a moment of complete and absolute clarity it dawned on me -- my South is the best-kept secret in the country. Why would I try to win this woman over? She might move down here.

I am always amused by Hollywood's interpretation of the South. We are still, on occasion, depicted as a collective group of sweaty, stupid, backwards-minded and racist rednecks. The South of movies and TV, the Hollywood South, is not my South.

This is my South:

- My South is full of honest, hard-working people.

- My South is colorblind. In my South, we don't put a premium on pigment. No one cares whether you are black, white, red, or green with orange polka dots.

- My South is the birthplace of blues and jazz, and rock n' roll. It has banjo pickers and fiddle players, but it also has B.B. King, Muddy Waters, the Allman Brothers, Emmylou Harris, and Elvis.

- My South is hot.

- My South smells of newly mowed grass.

- My South was the South of The Partridge Family, Hawaii 5-0, and kick the can.

- My South was creek swimming, cane-pole fishing, and bird hunting.

- In my South, football is king, and the Southeastern Conference is the kingdom.

- My South is home to the most beautiful women on the planet.

- In my South, soul food and country cooking are the same thing.

- My South is full of fig preserves, cornbread, butter beans, fried chicken, grits and catfish.

- In my South we eat foie gras, caviar, and truffles.

- In my South, our transistor radios introduced us to the Beatles and the Rolling Stones at the same time they were introduced to the rest of the country.

- In my South, grandmothers cook a big lunch every Sunday.

- In my South, family matters, deeply.

- My South is boiled shrimp, blackberry cobbler, peach ice cream, banana pudding, and oatmeal cream pies.

- In my South people put peanuts in bottles of Coca Cola and hot sauce on almost everything.

- In my South the tea is iced and almost as sweet as the women.

- My South has air-conditioning.

- My South is camellias, azaleas, wisteria, and hydrangeas.

- In my South, the only person that has to sit on the back of the bus is the last person that got on the bus.

- In my South, people still say "yes, ma'am," "no ma'am," "please," and "thank you."

- In my South, we all wear shoes....most of the time.

My South is the best-kept secret in the country. Please continue to keep the secret....it keeps the idiots away.

[andysandmikesmom]

What a grand post...I will add something to it, about my older boy....he was 8 when we moved to North Carolina, and quickly picked up the southern accent...Now I love the southern accent, in fact, I love different accents being used to speak the English language, as to me, it just keeps it interesting...and I love different phrases used in different parts of the country...again it keeps the language interesting and colorful, and certainly we would be the lesser for it, should it disappear...

Anyway, about my son....he quickly picked up the southern accent, and southern phrases...I knew he was indeed a southern boy, when one day I asked him what he was doing, and he replied"Im a fixin to go yonder"...and he said it with a twang...

Five years later, we moved to Washington state, where very few southern accents are heard...when he started school, he realized that few of the young teens he was in class with, spoke like he did...so he tried his best to get rid of his southern accent....

Towards the end of his first year of high school here, he was diagnosed with leukemia, and spent the next couple of months in the hospital,...his teachers and classmates all wrote him notes and letter, expressing their sorrow at his plight, but all sent with good wishes for a recovery....

His English teachers note was the one we got a laugh over...she said, that she sure missed our son, especially when he had to orally deliver his latest poem, or theme, or whatever, in front of the class...she said he missed, his 'soft, southern drawl'....here he had worked so hard to get rid of that drawl, and he found out, that not only did he not lose his drawl, but that folks really enjoyed it...

From that time on, he no longer cared if he spoke with a southern accent...I always told him, that accent made him more gentlemanly than he really was...

[TatieBug]

Me too...born and raised in Alabama...and I can't wait to get back and as far away from this LEFT coast as possible. Nothing like it and hopefully those Southerners will keep it that way!!!

[Malichi]

BY THE SOUTHERN TOURISM BUREAU TO ALL VISITING NORTHERNERS & THOSE WHO ARE THINKING ABOUT IT: 1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick you’re a$$. 2) Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis, etc.). Or we will just HAVE to kick you’re a$$. 3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever -- it's still a Coke (actually, that's pronounced "Co-Coler"). Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an a$$ kicking. 4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g.,Welty, Williams, Wolfe and Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or we'll kick your a$$. 5) We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally, we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g., Carter, Edwards, Duke, Barnes, Clinton). We don't care if you think we're dumb. We aren't dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick their a$$. 6) Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain in Georgia and complain about the carving, we'll kick you’re a$$. 7) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here, or we'll kick you’re a$$. 8) Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended - with gravy. And don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick you’re a$$. 9) Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get you’re a$$ kicked. 10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited Northern cities like Detroit, Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Move you’re a$$ back on home before it gets kicked. 11) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone, or we'll kick you’re a$$. 12) Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of our lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about our scenic beauty, we'll kick you’re a$$ all the way back to Boston Harbor. 13) Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into you’re a$$ just like they did ours. 14) So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like L.A., New York or Baltimore. Make fun of our fresh air, and we'll kick you’re a$$. 15) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get you’re a$$ shot (right after it is kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our barbecue, and you will go home in a pine box. Minus you’re a$$!

[Rowdee]

LOVE IT!

[sweetliberty]

"I love it in Colorado, but will always consider myself Southern."

Where in Colorado? I lived there for years and I found it as far from the south as you can get culturally. I really hated it and couldn't wait to get back to the south.

[sweetliberty]

"Don't y'all forget Brunswick stew! Now that's Southern!"

You betcha! At least when it's made well. If not, it has a tendency to taste like western barbeque soup. We used to have Brunswick Stew "cook-offs" in rural Virginia, much like the west has chili cook-offs. Yummmm!!!

[sweetliberty]

That was great! Thanks for posting it.

[sweetliberty]

In the south away from the cities you grow up learnin' how to make your own fun. Sometimes it borders on a bit mischievous. A couple of my cousins in Pulaski County, Kentucky were telling a story when they were around 14 and 15 years old about what they had done on a recent Saturday night to amuse themselves. They had cut down a big ole tree, felling it across the dirt road that was the only access road to the farms up in the holler. Then they hid in the woods to see what folks would do.

[sweetliberty]

"only people from Alabama eat slaw on their sandwiches."

In Virginia barbecue is served with slaw. I didn't care for it so I'd always order it without it. Also in at least parts of North Carolina, Tennessee and Arkansas, barbecue is served with slaw.

[DonkeyHodee]

Never use a fancy word when a plainer word will do.

True. Try this one. Read.

What a shame, just when I thought I had actually found a pleasant a charming southerner, you've proved me wrong. You win.

[sweetliberty]

My favorite meal when I was a kid would include butter beans (straight from the garden - definitely), turnips, turnip greens, fried squash and cabbage. I was in heaven! Usually when we had butter beans, it wasn't as a side dish but they were served in a big bowl like soup with bread to sop the juice. Black-eyed peas with a little stewed tomatoes in them was real good too, and I'm not a big fan of tomatoes.

[Hillarys Gate Cult]

Entrance exam at Coot U (University Of South Carolina); Two guesses as to which hand has the egg. Best three out of five tries.

In my South, ACC football rules.

[sweetliberty]

"people who pass you walking on the street every day for five months don't make eye contact when you are the only two people on the sidewalk (rant rant rant!!!!) I have such a hard time with the rudeness, and I can not wait to move back home!!!"

Sounds exactly like the relationship I had with Colorado!

[Protect the Bill of Rights]

I can't speak for rural areas, as I have always lived near Atlanta, but most of the Southerners that I know are educated, speak with little or no accent, and are as cultured as anyone else.

About the accent...you don't get up to North Forsyth much, do you? :-)

[sweetliberty]

I'm getting homesick now for another time. We kept the water bucket and dipper on the back porch. I remember that I couldn't even pull up the container we used for drawing water from the well, it was so big. You touched on a lot of my memories too. That water was so cold and so sweet. My grandparents had a sweet spring where all their water came from. I always loved the evenings sitting on the porch, shelling butterbeans and just visiting. And it just wasn't a summer evening without the lightening bugs.

[GBA]

I completely agree with everything but this:

3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever -- it's still a Coke (actually, that's pronounced "Co-Coler").

Where I grew up (western Ky.), it was "co-cola".

[GBA]

I'm in NC and that's how I get mine, slaw on the sandwich. Damn good, too!

[proudofthesouth]

(clapping!!!!) Beautiful! Absolutely Beautiful!

[proudofthesouth]

P.S. I would like to add the following: My South has the most handsome men on the planet.

[sweetliberty]

"I'm in NC and that's how I get mine, slaw on the sandwich."

There's a place right down the road from me that serves it that way. Sometimes I get it that way now although I didn't used to like it. Now I like it both ways.