Suicide at MIT raises parents' ire

USAtoday ^ | 1-24-02

[let freedom sing]

And they were clueless--

("Always be happy," Cho Hyun Shin remembers telling his daughter as he kissed her goodbye.)

Apt description of the parents

[arkfreepdom]

I graduated from MIT in 1978. While there, I saw a student jump out of the Green Building (Earth and Planetary Science). It is a tough place, but the education is outstanding. If a person has psychological problems they would probably express the symptoms regardless of situation at some point. Blaming it on MIT is ridiculous. Sure it's competitive, but the vast majority of those accepted succeed.

[Rutabega]

I feel for the girl and her family, but they must have been totally in denial. No one (especially someone who is very smart and possibly pre-med) takes fifteen codeine pills *because she wanted to sleep*. Sad story, but not MIT's fault.

[NYCVirago]

I feel for the girl and her family, but they must have been totally in denial. No one (especially someone who is very smart and possibly pre-med) takes fifteen codeine pills *because she wanted to sleep*. Sad story, but not MIT's fault.

The tylenol with codeine overdose was a huge cry for help, but instead, her parents were in denial about it. And as someone else posted on this thread, for them to tell their depressed daughter to "always be happy" doesn't have a clue about depression. MIT should not be held responsible for this young woman's death; their hands were tied legally.

[ppaul]

It's the parents' fault.
They shouldn't have sent her away to college.

[dodger]

Please see Post #18 immediately below yours ... the $#%@* mental health professionals don't write the laws, your legislators -- mostly lawyers -- do. Most mental health professionals I know loathe the laws in which they are forced to work.

[ikanakattara]

I've always wondered why suicidal students at colleges and universities don't just quit school and try something else rather than end their lives. Maybe they don't think life would be meaningful without a degree. Maybe the stigma attached to failing one's parents (particularly for Asian youths) by dropping out of college is too much for them to handle.

I hate to stereotype, but suicide after school "failure" does seem to be more common in Asian societies. I once read about "examination hell" in Japan - when the students sit for their high school and college entrance examinations. Some of the high rise buildings put nets around their structures to catch the students who would throw themselves out the windows if they didn't "make the grade."

Nor is "failure" a matter of a bad grade. Just like anorexics who weigh 85 lbs. and think "they're fat," so do really obsessive students think their lives are over if they do less than 110%. Sometimes they've been "programmed" to think that for their entire lives.

[Calvin Locke]

...is tripled by becoming emeshed in a self perpetuating system that is looking for dependents

Ain't that the truth. My idiot ex-wife made friends with this dumb **** social worker who gave her advice.
Completely destroyed our marriage. She broke the first two rules of counseling: Do no harm and never give advice to some you know,

which just makes it more disgusting.

Tried counseling, but those con artists just made everything worse. Their solution was more therapy.

Back to the social worker. She had a client/ex-client that was murdered. I'm convinced she gave advice that was not
"appropriate" to the poor woman's situation, just like her advice generated distrust and the breakdown of communication in my marriage.

I swear she's the Typhoid Mary of therapists.

Lessons learned the hard and expensive way, though I never set out to enroll in these lessons:

1.) Adage: "Therapists are like shoes. You got to find the one that fits" is not completely true. You may need ski boots,
sh!tkickers, flipflops, scuba fins...
I knew a person that's been through 20+, and she's survived so far. Or should I say in spite of?

2.) Avoid any "mental health professional" that got their degree from Boston University. They must require courses in con artistry
in place of thorough understanding and application of the DSM(?) and ethics. At least try out someone from a different
school. (I'd say school of thought, but I have no idea about that stuff.)

3.) "Therapy" is a black art and it comes with unintended consequences. You cannot take a blood test and determine that you need 20 minutes of self-esteem, 10 mins of self-flagellation, X milligrams of Soma, 2.5 martinis, and a swift kick in the @ss, or whatever. If it works for somebody, great.

4.) "Keep passing the open windows" (Hotel New Hampshire?)

[FITZ]

I am sorry for their loss, but I agree, they were in total denial.

I wonder how different it might have been if the parents had told her they loved her no matter what and if she wasn't making it at MIT, to come back home and maybe try something a little different. Some kids are pushed unmercilessly by their parents who are trying to bask in the glory of having a successful child.

[FITZ]

I hate to stereotype, but suicide after school "failure" does seem to be more common in Asian societies.

I've read it's actually quite difficult sometimes living in an ethnic group that is stereotyped in such a positive way ---an Oriental student needing a little extra help in Math is looked at like something is wrong with them. Some of the pushing their parents do might be good and helps them succeed, but I'm sure it's often overdone and causes a lot of unhappiness and a sense of failure.

[sonserae]

This accusation by the parents is ludicrous. There is much they are not telling. A child doesn't put so much pressure on themselves to achieve unless they have been raised to do so. The parents obviously had overwhelming expectations of her that she couldn't meet. Her parents would be the LAST people she would talk to. As far as MIT being the blame, the parents are totally using them as a scapegoat.

[mlmr]

I have my doubts about therapy, and I is one.