Posted on 01/27/2002 5:33:46 AM PST by mikenola
Edited on 04/13/2004 1:39:00 AM PDT by Jim Robinson. [history]
CAMBRIDGE, Mass.
(Excerpt) Read more at usatoday.com ...
("Always be happy," Cho Hyun Shin remembers telling his daughter as he kissed her goodbye.)
Apt description of the parents
The tylenol with codeine overdose was a huge cry for help, but instead, her parents were in denial about it. And as someone else posted on this thread, for them to tell their depressed daughter to "always be happy" doesn't have a clue about depression. MIT should not be held responsible for this young woman's death; their hands were tied legally.
I hate to stereotype, but suicide after school "failure" does seem to be more common in Asian societies. I once read about "examination hell" in Japan - when the students sit for their high school and college entrance examinations. Some of the high rise buildings put nets around their structures to catch the students who would throw themselves out the windows if they didn't "make the grade."
Nor is "failure" a matter of a bad grade. Just like anorexics who weigh 85 lbs. and think "they're fat," so do really obsessive students think their lives are over if they do less than 110%. Sometimes they've been "programmed" to think that for their entire lives.
Ain't that the truth. My idiot ex-wife made friends with this dumb **** social worker who gave her advice.
Completely destroyed our marriage. She broke the first two rules of counseling: Do no harm and never give advice to some you know,
which just makes it more disgusting.
Tried counseling, but those con artists just made everything worse. Their solution was more therapy.
Back to the social worker. She had a client/ex-client that was murdered. I'm convinced she gave advice that was not
"appropriate" to the poor woman's situation, just like her advice generated distrust and the breakdown of communication in my marriage.
I swear she's the Typhoid Mary of therapists.
Lessons learned the hard and expensive way, though I never set out to enroll in these lessons:
1.) Adage: "Therapists are like shoes. You got to find the one that fits" is not completely true. You may need ski boots,
sh!tkickers, flipflops, scuba fins...
I knew a person that's been through 20+, and she's survived so far. Or should I say in spite of?
2.) Avoid any "mental health professional" that got their degree from Boston University. They must require courses in con artistry
in place of thorough understanding and application of the DSM(?) and ethics. At least try out someone from a different
school. (I'd say school of thought, but I have no idea about that stuff.)
3.) "Therapy" is a black art and it comes with unintended consequences. You cannot take a blood test and determine that you need 20 minutes of self-esteem, 10 mins of self-flagellation, X milligrams of Soma, 2.5 martinis, and a swift kick in the @ss, or whatever. If it works for somebody, great.
4.) "Keep passing the open windows" (Hotel New Hampshire?)
I wonder how different it might have been if the parents had told her they loved her no matter what and if she wasn't making it at MIT, to come back home and maybe try something a little different. Some kids are pushed unmercilessly by their parents who are trying to bask in the glory of having a successful child.
I've read it's actually quite difficult sometimes living in an ethnic group that is stereotyped in such a positive way ---an Oriental student needing a little extra help in Math is looked at like something is wrong with them. Some of the pushing their parents do might be good and helps them succeed, but I'm sure it's often overdone and causes a lot of unhappiness and a sense of failure.
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